40. Dealing with Anti-Vaxxers
I’m closing out this month’s three-part series all about helping you with some of the most common challenges you’re facing in the public health field during this phase of the pandemic, and this week, we’re discussing one of your biggest pain points: dealing with anti-vaxxers.
The longer the pandemic has gone on and as we’ve gotten new variants along the way, I know this struggle has only gotten more intense. You’re angry, frustrated, and resentful about those fervently anti-vax, who stand firm in their stance, and have no interest in changing their minds. But if you bear with me and drop into curiosity, I’ll show you how you can feel better right now, without needing to blame or change them.
In this episode, you’ll discover a new way to deal not only with anti-vaxxers but anyone who doesn’t share your beliefs. I’m showing you where you might be going wrong in how you currently deal with anti-vaxxers and the key to feeling peace and calm without having to change anyone’s opinion.
If you’re struggling at work, burnt out, overwhelmed, hate your boss, or at the end of your rope after a year-and-a-half of dealing with a pandemic, I have an amazing free course beginning in 2022. It’s packed with simple, direct content that you can easily consume over your lunch break to help you feel better and less stressed in 2022. Join the 2022 course waitlist here!
What You Will Discover:
Why you’re feeling frustrated by people who are against the vaccine.
Where you might have gone wrong in dealing with anti-vaxxers.
How we don’t actually know for certain what our world would be like without anti-vaxxers.
The role of your brain in wanting certainty and control.
Why you’re committed to blaming anti-vaxxers for the pandemic.
The key to feeling better now.
Resources:
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Full Episode Transcript:
If you're two to five years out of your MPH degree, love public health, but find yourself secretly unhappy at work and maybe even thinking about quitting your job, then this is the podcast for you. I'm Marissa McKool, host of the Thoughts Are Your Root Cause podcast. Join me each week as I share tips, tools, and resources to help you have the career you've always dreamed of without any of the stress you are experiencing right now. Come along.
Hi everyone, welcome back to the podcast. It’s the end of January. I can’t really believe it. Can you? It has felt like the longest month. Is this just me? I really want to know because I hope it’s not just me. Today is the last day of a three-part series I’ve been doing this month to help you with some of the biggest current challenges you are facing when you’re working in public health in this phase of the pandemic.
So, the first week we talked about what to do and what not to do if you yourself as a public health professional get COVID. Last week we talked about how to navigate the politics of public health, and if you’re overwhelmed with that, first step really you need to take in order to navigate it in a way that creates less stress for you. Today, the last part of the series, is we’re going to be talking about dealing with anti-vaxxers.
I have heard from a lot of you that this is one of your biggest pain points, and it’s only gotten more intense as the pandemic has gone on, as we’ve gotten new variants. So, I hope this is helpful for those of you who are struggling with this. I do want to make one note before we dive into the episode. Anti-vaxxer, as I talk about it in the episode, and how to deal with those who are anti-vaxxers can be swapped for anything, someone who’s against masks, someone who’s just against anything public health recommends for the pandemic.
Essentially this episode will help you deal with anyone who isn’t believing what you believe or isn’t doing what you think they should do. The same goes for anyone listening who actually doesn’t believe or support the vaccine or vaccine mandates. I know there are folks who work in public health who also feel that way, and you will also benefit from this episode too. And not because I’ll use this episode to convince you to change your belief. That is not what this episode is for. That is not the goal of this episode. But because I’m guessing there are some people in your life, colleagues, or friends, who you are struggling to deal with because they have a different view on the vaccine or mandates than you do.
So, while I won’t be talking about this topic in context of, if you believe in vaccines and are struggling with people who don’t, those two things can be swapped for anything. This episode, at the core, is about what you can do when it really pisses you off that people believe or do something different than you. Okay? So, let’s get into it.
I want you to think about how many times a day you roll your eyes as you read another article about vaccine refusal. You think this pandemic would just be over if people got their vaccines. You get angry at specific news channels, not naming names that you think promotes conspiracy theories about the vaccine, and when a big well-known anti-vaxxer like a politician or a sports host gets COVID, you think good. They brought it on themselves; maybe other people will finally learn?
Listen, I know some of you have this thought. That’s okay. You don’t have to admit it to anyone else. Admit it to yourself. And also, do you find yourself dreading hearing from your mom about your anti-vax uncle and what he’s been saying lately? Or hate when you scroll Facebook and see a rant from an old childhood friend about how the vaccine is microchipped, and the government is keeping tabs on us? Do you even get in arguments with people over the vaccine? Maybe your brother, maybe a coworker, maybe a neighbor, whether actual arguments in person or on social media or just in your head?
Many of us, you’re not alone, in public health are experiencing one or more of these things, and it seems to be getting worse, feeling worse. So, let’s first talk about why you are feeling so frustrated by people who are against the vaccine, and then talk about what you’ve gotten wrong about what to do about it. So, you are feeling frustrated by anti-vaxxers because you believe if it wasn’t for them things would be different, right?
The pandemic would be over, less people would be getting sick, the pandemic wouldn’t be so political, healthcare workers wouldn’t be so overworked, and this sounds so logical and reasonable. Right? You have computed X+Y=Z. That having the vaccine available and everyone agreeing to take it equals the end of the pandemic. It makes sense, but because not everyone is agreeing to take it you think that is causing the extension of the pandemic.
You are blaming the current pandemic, the continuation of the pandemic on people who won’t get vaccinated. Some of you listening to this might be going, duh, Marissa, I knew that. So, let me be a little bit more clear. You think the reason you are frustrated and upset is because people are refusing to get vaccinated? But that is not the reason you are frustrated and upset.
You are frustrated and upset because you are blaming people who refuse to get vaccinated. The only person who feels your blame is you. You spending all day in your head or out loud blaming others for this pandemic, for your stress working in it is only hurting you. It’s not hurting them. It’s not causing them to change. It’s not changing anything in fact, it’s only causing you unnecessary, unhelpful stress.
Now, I know you really believe that if they just changed the pandemic would be over or at least not as bad, not as political, not as stressful. So, let’s take a moment and challenge that belief. Because that belief you have in your head, that most people in public health also share, so you’re not alone, that belief is pinning down your attachment to blaming other people. That’s why you can’t let this go. It’s causing your anger, stress, frustration, resentment, and whatever else you’re feeling.
So, just bear with me as we walk through this, okay? You might even want to start arguing with me, and just notice that. Just drop into curiosity and be open to hearing where we’re going with this because I promise if you do it will help you feel less stressed. How are you certain the pandemic would be different?
So, your response might be well maybe, you know, we see other countries with less anti-vaxxers, and they’re not experiencing this. So, that’s how I know it would be different. Or because we know the data. It reduces hospitalizations and deaths, so if more people just got it, then we could get to herd immunity. Can we guarantee that our experience in the US would be exactly the same as in another country?
Let’s say New Zealand, for example, the answer is no. It’s a different culture. It’s a country with a different history, different public health and political structures, different population size and demographics. Can we guarantee with certainty that if everyone who are against vaccines started to get them, that we would get to herd immunity? No. We can’t.
There are so many points in the pandemic the best public health of the year’s scientist we thought we will get to herd immunity before the vaccine was ever even created, and that didn’t happen. We cannot guarantee that, even with our best science. This virus and its variants is challenging everything we know, and don’t get me wrong I believe in public health, and our best scientists, and I’m fully vaccinated, right?
Still, I accept this as a fact. The fact that we have no absolute way of knowing what we’ll be in the future. Yes, we have predictive models. We have our past experience to help inform our ideas of the future, but we don’t have a crystal ball or a way to time travel to see the future. We just don’t. That’s a fact.
We have a guess, a prediction, an informed and educated one, yes, but you still have to hold space for the truth that we don’t know for certain. I’m not saying this to discount the vaccine or public health or to get you to stop believing in the vaccine. I’m pointing this out simply because it’s true, and you are not holding this truth. You’re refusing to hold this truth, and it’s causing you so much pain. You so badly want to hold onto the idea that if this one thing changed the pandemic would be different, or would be over, or would be less stressful.
That if a certain group of people change the pandemic would be different. And we so badly want to blame the pandemic on something or someone to make it make sense. Everything about this pandemic has challenged our core human desire to have certainty in control. You want certainty for why things are the way they are, and you think you’d feel better and more in control if you had that certainty, and we all think this. Right?
That is normal, but we don’t have certainty about this or honestly about anything else about the future. What’s happening is you’re being faced with that directly and your brain is really uncomfortable with it. You want certainty that things will get better, things will change, and you want control of how they will change. You are so desperate for certainty and control in order to try to feel better, calmer, and more at peace.
That’s why you want that because you think it will deliver those feelings that you’re holding tight to the idea that one, your opinion or belief is absolute, and two that other people who disagree are the problem. So much so you won’t give any energy, space, or airtime to the truth. The fact that you don’t know. None of us do. We don’t know the future or what will or won’t change it.
We have an educated guess, but we have to hold space for the fact that we don’t have true knowing. We can’t truly see the future. And what’s happening is you’re trying to create a sense of control, but what you’re really doing is creating a false sense of control and certainty. And how do we know it’s a false sense? Because you’re not calm or peaceful. It’s making you angry and upset.
You’re not getting those feelings that you’re desiring. Listen, this is human. What you are going through is human. You have a human brain that has spent two years freaking the F out because of all of the changes; how fast they’ve come, how scary they’ve been, they have to do with our health and life or death, right? It makes complete sense that your brain and you want certainty and control.
It wants an explanation and a prediction. You have a human brain this makes total sense, but it’s important for you to see that what has happened because of it is your brain has now latched on to blaming anti-vaxxers for not having that certainty or control. The only person that suffers when you’re so committed to blaming anti-vaxxers, complaining about them, ranting about them, taking up all of your mental energy thinking about them, and their beliefs and their decisions is you.
They do not feel your rage. They do not feel your frustration, only you do. They do not change because you’re angry. They do not act differently or make a different choice because you resent them. You change. You change what your mental focus is on. You change how you show up for yourself in this very difficult, challenging time. And you change how you feel to be angry, resentful, and frustrated, and it feels terrible.
What you really, really, want after all of this at the end of the day is to feel better. Your brain thinks the key to feeling better is other people changing. In this case, anti-vaxxers changing. Changing their stance, changing their behavior, but if you stop spending so much time thinking about anti-vaxxers, complaining about them, ranting about them, arguing with them, reading about them, then you would stop feeling so terrible.
Folks who are anti-vax will not change because you stopped focusing on them, and that’s okay. Because guess what? They’re not changing right now because of your focus on them and your anger and your outrage. I want you to think about this, and give your head airspace and time to really ponder this question, if anti-vaxxers aren’t going to change their behavior and you knew that for a fact, wouldn’t you rather feel something other than anger or rage for the rest of the pandemic?
If no matter what you felt, if you felt angry and resentful and frustrated, sad, or disappointed, or happy and joyful, calm, and peaceful, if no matter your feelings anti-vaxxers did not change their opinion or behavior. What would you choose to be feeling for the rest of the pandemic? I bet you it’s not those negative feelings you’ve been carrying and dragging around.
You believe your negative emotions will eventually get other people to change. If you’re pissed off enough then your cousin will eventually change their mind about the vaccine. If anti-vaxxers see how exhausted healthcare workers are then they would change their opinion. If I give my friends an ultimatum about spending time with me only if they get vaccinated, then they’ll get vaccinated.
Individual change doesn’t work that way. I want you to think, if the same person who is anti-vaxxed, you are so pissed at expected you would stop believing in the vaccine when you learned how angry the vaccine mandates made them, would you change your opinion because they were upset about the mandates? No. If a good friend of yours said they would only spend time with you if you stopped advocating for public health protections during the pandemic, would you stop doing that? No, you wouldn’t.
People do not change because you are angry or resentful or frustrated or give them an ultimatum to, not even people you know personally. Not even people that love you, and certainly not strangers. People change only when they want to change. The people who are truly hesitant about the vaccine or are confused they struggle because they are getting conflicted messages, or they want to know more. They want to make a decision. They just feel like they can’t yet. They’re curious, they just need more information.
They need help figuring out what’s right for them. They want to learn. Those people, they might change, not because you’re angry, but because they are prepared to because they want to. Because they’re in the space of being open to learning and they want to make a decision. People who are fervently anti-vax who stand firm in that they believe the vaccines don’t work. We shouldn’t be forced to have them.
They don’t want to change. They’re not going to listen to what you have to say with curiosity or openness. And you being angry at them won’t get them to change or want to change or be open to hearing what you have to say. What you have been doing to try to get the control and certainty you are desiring is trying to change people’s mind and control them, either actively by arguing with them, or just in your head by getting so upset and blaming them.
This is not giving you control or certainty. This is just creating frustration and anger for yourself. It’s just draining your energy. All that time, all the energy you spend being so upset over anti-vaxxers thinking about them, arguing about them, what could that time and energy go to? It could go to taking other actions to help the pandemic that are more productive, like creating a fundraiser to go get more N95 masks to school or calling politicians to make more tests available.
Or it could go to you actually resting and recovering from the burnout that you have from working in public health during a pandemic, or it could go to finding joy and doing activities you love to do. Isn’t all of that a much better use of your time and energy? And wouldn’t you feel so much better? Anti-vaxxers will still believe what they believe. Just like they will continue to believe what they’re going to believe if you continue to spend all of your time and energy being outwardly upset about it, frustrated thinking about them, complaining about them, ranting about them.
You can still have your opinions. You can still absolutely still believe vaccines work. You can still believe public health. You can still support vaccine mandates. You can still believe that if more people got vaccinated then the pandemic may be different. Then it may change, but without the blame, anger, resentment, frustration, you are feeling, that only you are feeling, when you do this about people who strongly believe the exact opposite of you.
The only person who feels your anger, blame, and resentment, is you. They do not feel it. Your time and energy being so upset about anti-vaxxers is having no effect on anti-vaxxers, only you. What you want is control and certainty, and the problem is you’re looking in the wrong place for it. You get control from managing your mind. Deciding on purpose what to spend your mental energy and time on.
Being intentional about what you think about all day, and what you focus on all day, and you get certainty from knowing that you and only you determine how you feel. You determine how you feel based on what you spend your time thinking. You determine how you feel all day based on what you focus your mind on. That is the only control and certainty we as humans have, pandemic or not.
That is where you can find what you are seeking. That is where the peace, calm, empowerment, contentment, and hope, and all the emotions you want to experience come from. So, your work is to do just that. Redirect your mind. Notice how much energy you are spending and wasting on other people who are not going to change because of it.
And decide what you want to focus that energy on instead, that’s more productive, that’s more fulfilling, that makes you feel better, and accept that people are going to believe what they want to believe. You have a choice. You can’t keep actively blaming anti-vaxxers being angry, arguing with them, all of what you’ve been doing. You can keep doing that. That is a choice, and it’s not right or wrong. I’m not here to tell you what’s the right or wrong choice for you. Only you can decide that. It’s totally available to you to keep doing what you’ve been doing, and it’s your right to choose that. I’m just here to offer you a different perspective, and a different choice you could make if you want to.
And if you don’t want to keep feeling so angry and frustrated and drained by all of this, you don’t have to. And you can keep your opinions about the vaccines, that they help the pandemic, that everyone should get them, that you support the mandates, right? But you don’t have to waste so much of your mental and emotional energy on people who believe the exact opposite from you and will not change their opinion. And when you see someone or have to interact with someone who is an anti-vaxxer who disagrees strongly with your opinion you can either, decide to approach them and their opinion with curiosity. Meaning, accepting, and knowing first that they will not change because you have a discussion with them, because you share your opinion with them.
And you go into the conversation not with the goal of changing them, and not even with the goal of you sharing your opinion, but with the goal of just being curious about them, from a place of prior acceptance. Not from a place of, I’ll only accept your opinion if you prove it to me. No, go in first with accepting they believe something different than you and they have that right, and I can still have my opinion. I just want to be curious about their opinion, not to change mine, not to change theirs, just from pure curiosity. Or you can decide that you won’t spend your time and energy being enraged by them. Or being curious by them.
This is with again, first starting accepting who they are, accepting their opinion won’t change because of you then deciding, you know what, I don’t want to be curious about it. I don’t have to. I’m not going to spend my energy being upset, but I’m also not going to spend my energy being curious about them either. Both of those options, so much less frustration, anger, resentment, and draining, and so much more time to have the emotional experience you want during this very stressful, challenging time of the pandemic. Alright y’all.
So, one more thing before I go. If this episode of any of the past few on dealing with the pandemic, from getting COVID to having the politics of it has helped you and if you are feeling burnout by the pandemic, if you are done with the pandemic stress, then you have to get my burnout recovery mini-course. This mini-course will help you relieve so of your stress, learn what’s actually causing your stress and what actually works to relieve it and learn why the tools or the approaches you’ve been trying are not working and making it worse. You’ll reduce your workload. You’ll get the tools and approaches to start feeling less overwhelmed without your boss having to change, without the pandemic having to end, without anti-vaxxers having to change.
This mini-course includes three videos packed with these tools and tips. And I did this intentionally so you could get all the help you need in the smallest amount of time, because I know you’re busy, and I know you’re stressed. And the videos are only 20 minutes, you can easily watch them over your lunch break, as you get ready for work, or any other time. It will be available starting February 7th.
So, if you are at the end of your rope, if you are burnt out, if you don’t know where else to turn or what else to do and you feel like you’ve tried it all, this is the next step for you. This will help you. It will help you learn why you’re still so stressed, why all the things you’ve been trying aren’t working, and what actually works, and give you actual, clear, simple, concrete ways to do it. Sign up now, mckoolcoaching.com/courses, and we’ll leave a link in the show notes. Alright, y’all, can’t wait to see you inside the course. Talk to you next week. Bye everyone.
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Hi everyone, welcome back to the podcast. It’s the end of January. I can’t really believe it. Can you? It has felt like the longest month. Is this just me? I really want to know because I hope it’s not just me. Today is the last day of a three-part series I’ve been doing this month to help you with some of the biggest current challenges you are facing when you’re working in public health in this phase of the pandemic.
So, the first week we talked about what to do and what not to do if you yourself as a public health professional get COVID. Last week we talked about how to navigate the politics of public health, and if you’re overwhelmed with that, first step really you need to take in order to navigate it in a way that creates less stress for you. Today, the last part of the series, is we’re going to be talking about dealing with anti-vaxxers.
I have heard from a lot of you that this is one of your biggest pain points, and it’s only gotten more intense as the pandemic has gone on, as we’ve gotten new variants. So, I hope this is helpful for those of you who are struggling with this. I do want to make one note before we dive into the episode. Anti-vaxxer, as I talk about it in the episode, and how to deal with those who are anti-vaxxers can be swapped for anything, someone who’s against masks, someone who’s just against anything public health recommends for the pandemic.
Essentially this episode will help you deal with anyone who isn’t believing what you believe or isn’t doing what you think they should do. The same goes for anyone listening who actually doesn’t believe or support the vaccine or vaccine mandates. I know there are folks who work in public health who also feel that way, and you will also benefit from this episode too. And not because I’ll use this episode to convince you to change your belief. That is not what this episode is for. That is not the goal of this episode. But because I’m guessing there are some people in your life, colleagues, or friends, who you are struggling to deal with because they have a different view on the vaccine or mandates than you do.
So, while I won’t be talking about this topic in context of, if you believe in vaccines and are struggling with people who don’t, those two things can be swapped for anything. This episode, at the core, is about what you can do when it really pisses you off that people believe or do something different than you. Okay? So, let’s get into it.
I want you to think about how many times a day you roll your eyes as you read another article about vaccine refusal. You think this pandemic would just be over if people got their vaccines. You get angry at specific news channels, not naming names that you think promotes conspiracy theories about the vaccine, and when a big well-known anti-vaxxer like a politician or a sports host gets COVID, you think good. They brought it on themselves; maybe other people will finally learn?
Listen, I know some of you have this thought. That’s okay. You don’t have to admit it to anyone else. Admit it to yourself. And also, do you find yourself dreading hearing from your mom about your anti-vax uncle and what he’s been saying lately? Or hate when you scroll Facebook and see a rant from an old childhood friend about how the vaccine is microchipped, and the government is keeping tabs on us? Do you even get in arguments with people over the vaccine? Maybe your brother, maybe a coworker, maybe a neighbor, whether actual arguments in person or on social media or just in your head?
Many of us, you’re not alone, in public health are experiencing one or more of these things, and it seems to be getting worse, feeling worse. So, let’s first talk about why you are feeling so frustrated by people who are against the vaccine, and then talk about what you’ve gotten wrong about what to do about it. So, you are feeling frustrated by anti-vaxxers because you believe if it wasn’t for them things would be different, right?
The pandemic would be over, less people would be getting sick, the pandemic wouldn’t be so political, healthcare workers wouldn’t be so overworked, and this sounds so logical and reasonable. Right? You have computed X+Y=Z. That having the vaccine available and everyone agreeing to take it equals the end of the pandemic. It makes sense, but because not everyone is agreeing to take it you think that is causing the extension of the pandemic.
You are blaming the current pandemic, the continuation of the pandemic on people who won’t get vaccinated. Some of you listening to this might be going, duh, Marissa, I knew that. So, let me be a little bit more clear. You think the reason you are frustrated and upset is because people are refusing to get vaccinated? But that is not the reason you are frustrated and upset.
You are frustrated and upset because you are blaming people who refuse to get vaccinated. The only person who feels your blame is you. You spending all day in your head or out loud blaming others for this pandemic, for your stress working in it is only hurting you. It’s not hurting them. It’s not causing them to change. It’s not changing anything in fact, it’s only causing you unnecessary, unhelpful stress.
Now, I know you really believe that if they just changed the pandemic would be over or at least not as bad, not as political, not as stressful. So, let’s take a moment and challenge that belief. Because that belief you have in your head, that most people in public health also share, so you’re not alone, that belief is pinning down your attachment to blaming other people. That’s why you can’t let this go. It’s causing your anger, stress, frustration, resentment, and whatever else you’re feeling.
So, just bear with me as we walk through this, okay? You might even want to start arguing with me, and just notice that. Just drop into curiosity and be open to hearing where we’re going with this because I promise if you do it will help you feel less stressed. How are you certain the pandemic would be different?
So, your response might be well maybe, you know, we see other countries with less anti-vaxxers, and they’re not experiencing this. So, that’s how I know it would be different. Or because we know the data. It reduces hospitalizations and deaths, so if more people just got it, then we could get to herd immunity. Can we guarantee that our experience in the US would be exactly the same as in another country?
Let’s say New Zealand, for example, the answer is no. It’s a different culture. It’s a country with a different history, different public health and political structures, different population size and demographics. Can we guarantee with certainty that if everyone who are against vaccines started to get them, that we would get to herd immunity? No. We can’t.
There are so many points in the pandemic the best public health of the year’s scientist we thought we will get to herd immunity before the vaccine was ever even created, and that didn’t happen. We cannot guarantee that, even with our best science. This virus and its variants is challenging everything we know, and don’t get me wrong I believe in public health, and our best scientists, and I’m fully vaccinated, right?
Still, I accept this as a fact. The fact that we have no absolute way of knowing what we’ll be in the future. Yes, we have predictive models. We have our past experience to help inform our ideas of the future, but we don’t have a crystal ball or a way to time travel to see the future. We just don’t. That’s a fact.
We have a guess, a prediction, an informed and educated one, yes, but you still have to hold space for the truth that we don’t know for certain. I’m not saying this to discount the vaccine or public health or to get you to stop believing in the vaccine. I’m pointing this out simply because it’s true, and you are not holding this truth. You’re refusing to hold this truth, and it’s causing you so much pain. You so badly want to hold onto the idea that if this one thing changed the pandemic would be different, or would be over, or would be less stressful.
That if a certain group of people change the pandemic would be different. And we so badly want to blame the pandemic on something or someone to make it make sense. Everything about this pandemic has challenged our core human desire to have certainty in control. You want certainty for why things are the way they are, and you think you’d feel better and more in control if you had that certainty, and we all think this. Right?
That is normal, but we don’t have certainty about this or honestly about anything else about the future. What’s happening is you’re being faced with that directly and your brain is really uncomfortable with it. You want certainty that things will get better, things will change, and you want control of how they will change. You are so desperate for certainty and control in order to try to feel better, calmer, and more at peace.
That’s why you want that because you think it will deliver those feelings that you’re holding tight to the idea that one, your opinion or belief is absolute, and two that other people who disagree are the problem. So much so you won’t give any energy, space, or airtime to the truth. The fact that you don’t know. None of us do. We don’t know the future or what will or won’t change it.
We have an educated guess, but we have to hold space for the fact that we don’t have true knowing. We can’t truly see the future. And what’s happening is you’re trying to create a sense of control, but what you’re really doing is creating a false sense of control and certainty. And how do we know it’s a false sense? Because you’re not calm or peaceful. It’s making you angry and upset.
You’re not getting those feelings that you’re desiring. Listen, this is human. What you are going through is human. You have a human brain that has spent two years freaking the F out because of all of the changes; how fast they’ve come, how scary they’ve been, they have to do with our health and life or death, right? It makes complete sense that your brain and you want certainty and control.
It wants an explanation and a prediction. You have a human brain this makes total sense, but it’s important for you to see that what has happened because of it is your brain has now latched on to blaming anti-vaxxers for not having that certainty or control. The only person that suffers when you’re so committed to blaming anti-vaxxers, complaining about them, ranting about them, taking up all of your mental energy thinking about them, and their beliefs and their decisions is you.
They do not feel your rage. They do not feel your frustration, only you do. They do not change because you’re angry. They do not act differently or make a different choice because you resent them. You change. You change what your mental focus is on. You change how you show up for yourself in this very difficult, challenging time. And you change how you feel to be angry, resentful, and frustrated, and it feels terrible.
What you really, really, want after all of this at the end of the day is to feel better. Your brain thinks the key to feeling better is other people changing. In this case, anti-vaxxers changing. Changing their stance, changing their behavior, but if you stop spending so much time thinking about anti-vaxxers, complaining about them, ranting about them, arguing with them, reading about them, then you would stop feeling so terrible.
Folks who are anti-vax will not change because you stopped focusing on them, and that’s okay. Because guess what? They’re not changing right now because of your focus on them and your anger and your outrage. I want you to think about this, and give your head airspace and time to really ponder this question, if anti-vaxxers aren’t going to change their behavior and you knew that for a fact, wouldn’t you rather feel something other than anger or rage for the rest of the pandemic?
If no matter what you felt, if you felt angry and resentful and frustrated, sad, or disappointed, or happy and joyful, calm, and peaceful, if no matter your feelings anti-vaxxers did not change their opinion or behavior. What would you choose to be feeling for the rest of the pandemic? I bet you it’s not those negative feelings you’ve been carrying and dragging around.
You believe your negative emotions will eventually get other people to change. If you’re pissed off enough then your cousin will eventually change their mind about the vaccine. If anti-vaxxers see how exhausted healthcare workers are then they would change their opinion. If I give my friends an ultimatum about spending time with me only if they get vaccinated, then they’ll get vaccinated.
Individual change doesn’t work that way. I want you to think, if the same person who is anti-vaxxed, you are so pissed at expected you would stop believing in the vaccine when you learned how angry the vaccine mandates made them, would you change your opinion because they were upset about the mandates? No. If a good friend of yours said they would only spend time with you if you stopped advocating for public health protections during the pandemic, would you stop doing that? No, you wouldn’t.
People do not change because you are angry or resentful or frustrated or give them an ultimatum to, not even people you know personally. Not even people that love you, and certainly not strangers. People change only when they want to change. The people who are truly hesitant about the vaccine or are confused they struggle because they are getting conflicted messages, or they want to know more. They want to make a decision. They just feel like they can’t yet. They’re curious, they just need more information.
They need help figuring out what’s right for them. They want to learn. Those people, they might change, not because you’re angry, but because they are prepared to because they want to. Because they’re in the space of being open to learning and they want to make a decision. People who are fervently anti-vax who stand firm in that they believe the vaccines don’t work. We shouldn’t be forced to have them.
They don’t want to change. They’re not going to listen to what you have to say with curiosity or openness. And you being angry at them won’t get them to change or want to change or be open to hearing what you have to say. What you have been doing to try to get the control and certainty you are desiring is trying to change people’s mind and control them, either actively by arguing with them, or just in your head by getting so upset and blaming them.
This is not giving you control or certainty. This is just creating frustration and anger for yourself. It’s just draining your energy. All that time, all the energy you spend being so upset over anti-vaxxers thinking about them, arguing about them, what could that time and energy go to? It could go to taking other actions to help the pandemic that are more productive, like creating a fundraiser to go get more N95 masks to school or calling politicians to make more tests available.
Or it could go to you actually resting and recovering from the burnout that you have from working in public health during a pandemic, or it could go to finding joy and doing activities you love to do. Isn’t all of that a much better use of your time and energy? And wouldn’t you feel so much better? Anti-vaxxers will still believe what they believe. Just like they will continue to believe what they’re going to believe if you continue to spend all of your time and energy being outwardly upset about it, frustrated thinking about them, complaining about them, ranting about them.
You can still have your opinions. You can still absolutely still believe vaccines work. You can still believe public health. You can still support vaccine mandates. You can still believe that if more people got vaccinated then the pandemic may be different. Then it may change, but without the blame, anger, resentment, frustration, you are feeling, that only you are feeling, when you do this about people who strongly believe the exact opposite of you.
The only person who feels your anger, blame, and resentment, is you. They do not feel it. Your time and energy being so upset about anti-vaxxers is having no effect on anti-vaxxers, only you. What you want is control and certainty, and the problem is you’re looking in the wrong place for it. You get control from managing your mind. Deciding on purpose what to spend your mental energy and time on.
Being intentional about what you think about all day, and what you focus on all day, and you get certainty from knowing that you and only you determine how you feel. You determine how you feel based on what you spend your time thinking. You determine how you feel all day based on what you focus your mind on. That is the only control and certainty we as humans have, pandemic or not.
That is where you can find what you are seeking. That is where the peace, calm, empowerment, contentment, and hope, and all the emotions you want to experience come from. So, your work is to do just that. Redirect your mind. Notice how much energy you are spending and wasting on other people who are not going to change because of it.
And decide what you want to focus that energy on instead, that’s more productive, that’s more fulfilling, that makes you feel better, and accept that people are going to believe what they want to believe. You have a choice. You can’t keep actively blaming anti-vaxxers being angry, arguing with them, all of what you’ve been doing. You can keep doing that. That is a choice, and it’s not right or wrong. I’m not here to tell you what’s the right or wrong choice for you. Only you can decide that. It’s totally available to you to keep doing what you’ve been doing, and it’s your right to choose that. I’m just here to offer you a different perspective, and a different choice you could make if you want to.
And if you don’t want to keep feeling so angry and frustrated and drained by all of this, you don’t have to. And you can keep your opinions about the vaccines, that they help the pandemic, that everyone should get them, that you support the mandates, right? But you don’t have to waste so much of your mental and emotional energy on people who believe the exact opposite from you and will not change their opinion. And when you see someone or have to interact with someone who is an anti-vaxxer who disagrees strongly with your opinion you can either, decide to approach them and their opinion with curiosity. Meaning, accepting, and knowing first that they will not change because you have a discussion with them, because you share your opinion with them.
And you go into the conversation not with the goal of changing them, and not even with the goal of you sharing your opinion, but with the goal of just being curious about them, from a place of prior acceptance. Not from a place of, I’ll only accept your opinion if you prove it to me. No, go in first with accepting they believe something different than you and they have that right, and I can still have my opinion. I just want to be curious about their opinion, not to change mine, not to change theirs, just from pure curiosity. Or you can decide that you won’t spend your time and energy being enraged by them. Or being curious by them.
This is with again, first starting accepting who they are, accepting their opinion won’t change because of you then deciding, you know what, I don’t want to be curious about it. I don’t have to. I’m not going to spend my energy being upset, but I’m also not going to spend my energy being curious about them either. Both of those options, so much less frustration, anger, resentment, and draining, and so much more time to have the emotional experience you want during this very stressful, challenging time of the pandemic. Alright y’all.
So, one more thing before I go. If this episode of any of the past few on dealing with the pandemic, from getting COVID to having the politics of it has helped you and if you are feeling burnout by the pandemic, if you are done with the pandemic stress, then you have to get my burnout recovery mini-course. This mini-course will help you relieve so of your stress, learn what’s actually causing your stress and what actually works to relieve it and learn why the tools or the approaches you’ve been trying are not working and making it worse. You’ll reduce your workload. You’ll get the tools and approaches to start feeling less overwhelmed without your boss having to change, without the pandemic having to end, without anti-vaxxers having to change.
This mini-course includes three videos packed with these tools and tips. And I did this intentionally so you could get all the help you need in the smallest amount of time, because I know you’re busy, and I know you’re stressed. And the videos are only 20 minutes, you can easily watch them over your lunch break, as you get ready for work, or any other time. It will be available starting February 7th.
So, if you are at the end of your rope, if you are burnt out, if you don’t know where else to turn or what else to do and you feel like you’ve tried it all, this is the next step for you. This will help you. It will help you learn why you’re still so stressed, why all the things you’ve been trying aren’t working, and what actually works, and give you actual, clear, simple, concrete ways to do it. Sign up now, mckoolcoaching.com/courses, and we’ll leave a link in the show notes. Alright, y’all, can’t wait to see you inside the course. Talk to you next week. Bye everyone.
Are you ready to make a change? Whether that's learning to love your job, making a career move, or anything in between, I can help. I'd be honored to coach you through figuring out what's next and navigating the steps to get there. So, head on over to mckoolcoaching.com/consult that's mckoolcoaching.com/consult to set up a time to chat and talk about how you can achieve the career of your dreams.
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