103. Rest Rewind: What is Enough?
How often do you feel like you haven’t done enough, or you need to do more? The concept of not being or doing “enough” comes up time and time again when working with clients. It could be a result of evolutionary biology needing to contribute to a community, it could be down to family expectations, or it could be because we have internalized societal messages about who is “valuable” and why.
Regardless of the varied roots of “enough-ness,” it is a mind process that rejects who you are now. When you believe there is such thing as “enough,” you constantly reject what you’ve already done. Our brains easily fall into a negativity bias encouraging us to focus on all of the things we did wrong, and the reasons we aren’t worthy.
In this episode, we unpack typical examples of “not being enough” in day-to-day life and expand upon the detrimental impact of this thought process. I offer you a method of re-writing your experiences to cultivate celebration of your present state of being, which you guessed it, is absolutely enough.
If you’re not as happy as you want to be, feel like you’ve lost your purpose, or want to have more free time and feel less overwhelmed, I can help. My one-on-one coaching program is about to open up, and it is designed to help women just like you change the way you currently feel in your life. Meeting with me one-on-one every week for 12 weeks will help you trust yourself, feel confident in your decisions, and get your time back without hindering your career. It will change everything. Click here to sign up for the waitlist or join the program now.
If you want to take this work deeper and learn the tools and skills to feel better, all while having my support and guidance each step of the way, I invite you to set up a time to chat with me. Click here to grab a spot on my calendar, and I can’t wait to speak to you!
What You Will Discover:
How to cultivate pride.
How to decide what is “enough” for you.
Methods of identifying areas that may be influenced by outside expectations of “enough-ness.”
What emotions are triggered by focusing on being “enough.”
How to avoid burnout and celebrate who you are now.
Methods of recognizing negativity bias in your thought processes.
Resources:
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Full Episode Transcript:
Hey you all, I’m Marissa McKool, and you’re listening to the Redefining Rest Podcast for Public Health Professionals. Here we believe rest is your right. You don’t have to earn it, you just have to learn how to take it and I’m going to teach you. Ready? Come along.
Hello everyone, happy Monday. I’m so glad you decided to play on this episode because this topic of what is enough, this thought, I haven’t done enough or I need to do enough is chronic. Every single person I have coached, I have worked with has struggled with this, myself included. This is something that is so important to address and detach from because it is causing you so much stress, it’s driving you to overwork and feel overwhelmed and discount yourself and not celebrate yourself.
So today on the Rest Rewind episode I’m bringing back an episode that really dives deep and challenges you to really question what is enough. And when you are chasing this abstract notion of ‘enough’ what you are creating for yourself. And how undoing that and changing your perspective actually allows you to not only feel better but do more and create what you want. And at the end of the episode there is a special prompt, an activity prompt for you to do. I really encourage you to do that this week, really put what I’m teaching you in this podcast into practice. So without further ado let’s get into the episode.
Happy Monday, you all. How's it going? I know some of you don't actually listen on Monday. What are you up to right now? How is it going? What's new? I just got back from a run a little bit ago. I really needed that workout. The past few days have been a little nuts around here.
My dog Cudi got really sick and ended up going into the animal hospital for a night. And so my brain has been on overdrive, to say the least the past few days. And it's been both interesting from a thought work perspective and tiring from a lived perspective. She seems to be getting better slowly. So hopefully things can wind down both with her and with my mind, to be honest.
Other more exciting news. I do also want to share another recent client win. This is a reflection email I got from a client who we just wrapped up one-on-one coaching with and this is the thing she said, “The biggest change I experienced from coaching was giving myself permission to feel proud of myself no matter what. This shift allowed me to generate my own source of unconditional pride that does not rely on external validation. Through this process, I've been able to positively transform my relationship to my to-do list and strengthen my confidence.”
So I wanted to share this because I wanted to pose this question to you all. How often do you let yourself feel proud? Of things like getting groceries, putting your shoes away, not beating up on yourself for not getting to cleaning that day or for eating food you enjoy rather than restricting. Do you know that you could feel proud for all those things and anything else you do or don't do? Pride to me is one of the most enjoyable and fun emotions that humans can generate and feel, but we deprive ourselves of that.
And I'm sharing this because pride relates to this episode. So today we're talking about this concept of ‘enough’. And I'm putting enough in air quotes, you can't see me, but I am. Every single client I have worked with, has at one point or another said to me, “I just didn't do enough. It wasn't enough. I'm worried it's not enough.” And I totally do this too. You are not alone. When I work with my clients, and my own brain to be frank, to clarify and define what is enough, our brains don't know.
A lot of us, including me, did everything we thought was going to be enough. Got the degrees, got the jobs, the promotions, the partner, the house, the travel, whatever it was that we thought was going to be enough. And then we were surprised all of a sudden when we got all those things and it doesn't feel amazing. Life, wasn't all of a sudden so fulfilling. It wasn't exactly what we expected.
Here are some other ways that this shows up in our lives. It's Sunday and you had a list of chores and you only got through some of them, and then you tell yourself it wasn't enough. And you tell yourself you'd be feeling relaxed or proud or accomplished if you got it all done. It's Friday, and someone asks you how your week was and you say you didn't get enough done. And you feel a little shame and disappointment.
It's 6:00pm on a work day and you plan to leave the office then, but you tell yourself you can't because you haven't gotten enough done and that you need to finish what you're working on. It's Saturday and you're getting dressed to go to dinner, you put on your clothes, look in the mirror and think I'm not working out enough. And you feel a little shame and sadness. But really what is enough? Let's walk through a specific example. And I know I do this on a lot of episodes.
When I walk through a specific example, it's really to help make something that can seem abstract, more concrete. So you can really see how this is playing out in our brains. Even if the specific details of the example I'm using episode to episode, don't seem relevant to you. The concept and the thought patterns will. Don't check out because the scenario may not be specific to you. The thought patterns definitely apply somewhere in your life. And I encourage you to get curious to where that might be.
So let's talk about chores or to-do lists. This is an area I have worked on so much. I've gotten really, really far, but it still comes up. So it's a Sunday and I've made a list of things to get done. Let's say my list says meal prep, clean bathroom, walk Cudi, my dog, go through my mail, pay my bills. And then I also want to get a workout in and read. That's seven things. And 7:00pm rolls around and I've only gotten half of them done. My first thought often is, I didn't do enough. I didn't get it all done. And I can feel annoyed and disappointed, maybe even regretful.
Sometimes I shame myself for not knowing how long everything was going to take or something taking longer to do. And I might mope around that evening, feeling unaccomplished. Tell myself I would be feeling proud and relaxed if I got it all done. And then I tend to think and feel dread about having to figure out how to get those other things done later, but when I tell myself I didn't do enough, what is the definition of that?
My first answer in this scenario, my brain's first answer would typically be getting all the stuff done I wrote down on the list, but why? Why is that considered enough? And who gets to decide? Would everyone agree that getting seven things done on a Sunday is a measure of enough? Why did we decide on seven, why not five, why not eight? Does it differ depending on what those things are on your list?
For another example, telling yourself your job application wasn't good enough. What does that mean? Your answer, your brain's answer might be, well, if it was good enough, I would've gotten an email asking to interview, but is that true? Would everyone agree that if you didn't get an interview, it meant your application wasn't good enough? What if you found out they decided to no longer hire anyone for the position and pulled it. Then would you think it wasn't good enough?
Definitions of enough aren't universal. It's not a fact. It's a thought. It's a sentence your brain tells you. They're often not clear or measurable. When you interrogate them, the logic falls apart. You get to decide what is enough to you. And is the way you are deciding what is enough currently allowing you to feel good about yourself? So why do we tell ourselves constantly, we didn't do enough or something we did wasn't good enough or who we are isn't good enough?
When we hear messages, when we see messages, our brain internalizes them. We've talked about this a few times before. Our brain takes the messages we receive and digests them then speaks some of them back to us in our head, in our own voice, in our own way of saying them. Some of our brain's desire or fixation on doing or being enough, may be explainable by evolutionary biology.
As we evolved as humans, over hundreds and thousands of years, we needed to typically always complete certain tasks or complete tasks within a specific timeframe to survive, like preparing for winter for example. We also needed our small communities to survive. Being included in the community kept us alive, close to the warmth of a fire, food sources. It was important then that we did a certain amount of tasks or certain tasks to contribute to the community and our own survival. And it's possible that those who did that, survived, lived and their genes lived on.
Part of this may be from messaging you received growing up in your household or where you were raised. Your parents or caregivers telling you, you didn't get enough of your chores done. Your teacher telling you, you didn't study enough to get a different grade. We might have internalized these messages and now tell ourselves similar things.
And lastly, being socialized in a society with oppressive systems. These systems, whether it's a patriarchy, white supremacy or other types of oppression, like homophobia, fatphobia, ableism, send messages about who is enough, who is worthy and who is not. Everyone internalizes these messages and beliefs, about what groups or individuals are deemed ‘enough’, are doing enough, are not doing enough, should be doing more, shouldn't be doing more.
And when you have the lived experience of one or more of these marginalized identities, oppressed by these systems, you are hearing messages that you are not enough, that you are not worthy. What you do isn't enough to make it, you have to do more to be appreciated. And then our brains unconsciously internalize those messages. It's helpful to understand all of this first to know that something is not wrong with you or your brain for thinking this way.
And actually, in fact, it makes a lot of sense that if you're getting all these messages about what is enough-ness, that your brain would be having some of the thoughts you're having. But it's also helpful to know this because it means these thoughts and beliefs are not necessarily truths. They're not fixed. You can undo these beliefs. And the next step is to really understand the impact they're having on you.
What happens when we fixate on being, or doing enough? We believe once we finally get enough done, have worked enough on an assignment, are good enough for a partner, then we'll finally feel better. We'll feel accomplished and proud and happy and content. We also think, usually unconsciously, that it will prove to ourselves that we are enough. We are smart enough, worthy enough, hardworking enough, deserving enough and usually that we can finally take some rest.
Then when we get that ‘enough done’ or do enough according to our brain's arbitrary and vague description and randomly selected measure, what happens? Maybe we feel good for a short time, proud for a moment, but does it last? Often not. We get on that treadmill again, chasing for enough. We do this because those feelings of pride or happiness don't last. And because we have been chasing achieving enough with the idea, the belief that it will finally make us feel good, feel pride, feel happy, and then that will last and then we won't have to worry or hustle as much.
And when that doesn't happen, we believe it must be because we actually didn't do enough. That if those feelings don't suddenly appear and stay there for a long time, that must mean we actually didn't do enough and we have to keep chasing that. And it becomes a never ending cycle we're putting ourselves through because we keep moving the marker of what is enough. And every time we get there and don't sustain that happiness or pride, we think we are wrong about what was enough and we must do more or be more. And then we burn ourselves out, we are exhausted and depleted.
This is because enough doesn't deliver your feelings. Our feelings are not created by anything outside of us or anything we do or don't do. Our feelings are solely created by our thoughts. Enough never delivers a feeling. Getting a certain amount of things done on your to-do lists, never delivers a feeling. Getting a degree or a job title never delivers a feeling. The way we think about what we did or didn't do, who we are, who we're not, that is what creates our feelings.
If I go into my Sunday day of chores thinking, I have to get enough done feeling pressured and anxious. Then no matter how much I get done, I'm going to keep feeling that pressure and anxiety. If I get half done, then I tell myself I didn't do enough and I add this layer of shame and disappointment. And then I feel anxious and pressure about how I'm going to get the rest done later. If I do get it all done, I tell myself I could have done more, add a layer of shame and disappointment. Then I feel anxious and pressure about not doing more.
When you believe there is such a thing as enough, you always end up rejecting what you've already done. Your brain only focuses on what you have not done and why you're not good enough. You're telling yourself that what you've done is not good enough, that it's not worthy, that it's nothing. You're ignoring and rejecting what you did or who you are.
On Sunday, when you shame yourself for getting half your to-do list done, you're completely ignoring, not celebrating and not feeling proud of the three or four things you did get done. You could decide to focus and be excited about how now you have four less things to do. You have four things done today off your to-do list, don't have to think about those anymore, but you focus on the other number of things you didn't get done. And our brains do have this negativity bias.
Our brains do want to focus on the negative, but you can redirect it towards something else, towards acknowledging and celebrating what you have done and who you are right now. You will never get more done or generate more love and appreciation for yourself for what you have done, if you are rejecting what you have done and who you are right now.
It's like if there was a child who put away three of their 10 toys. If you ignored the toys they put away and only pointed to the other toys on the floor, telling them that they didn't do enough or if you told them that putting away those three toys didn't count, it wasn't enough, it doesn't matter. Would that child feel proud of themselves? Would they celebrate themselves? Would they want to put away those other seven toys? Would they want to play with toys another day? Would they create love for themselves and appreciation? No.
And this is what you're doing to yourself, by the way you are talking to yourself about what you have or haven't done. When you believe you have not done enough, you're also telling yourself that you as a person are not enough. You are rejecting yourself. You can keep deciding to tell yourself you need to get enough done or be good enough, but you don't have to. You can decide that no matter how much you get done on a Sunday, you're going to feel proud of yourself for what you did accomplish.
You can think about how amazing it is that you got that paper drafted in a week instead of focusing on about how it could have been better. You can believe that you're a good candidate for a job, even when you don't get offered an interview. You can focus on how beautiful it is that you showed up as your true self on a date, no matter if the person wants to see you again. You can decide that working out once a week was the exact amount of times that you needed to work out.
You can love exactly where you are right now, exactly what you have or have not done. And in fact, you have to learn how to love exactly where you are right now, what you have done, what you haven't done and who you are in order to create space, to do more, to love more. So this week I want you every night, sit down for five minutes and write down all your thoughts about how you didn't get enough done or aren't good enough. Write them in bullet point format, one sentence per line, no run on sentences.
If you have a bunch of ands or commas or semicolons, those are more than one sentence. And then take each thought and make it a celebration of what you did do or how amazing you are. So take the thought, I didn't get all my homework done, to I completed my term paper and my biostats assignment tonight. Take, I could have worked out longer, to I gave my body 30 minutes of exercise and nourishment today. Do you see the difference between those two? They're both talking about the same experience, but in very different ways that generate very different feelings.
So I encourage you to do this next week and see how this shift in thinking changes the feelings you get to experience. I am really excited for you to try this activity on. It can be really powerful if you go all in with it and I know you can do this. Thanks so much for tuning in and we'll chat next week.
If you found this episode helpful then you have to check out my coaching program where I provide you individualized support to create a life centered around rest. Head on over to mckoolcoaching.com, that’s M-C-K-O-O-L coaching.com to learn more.
Hello everyone, happy Monday. I’m so glad you decided to play on this episode because this topic of what is enough, this thought, I haven’t done enough or I need to do enough is chronic. Every single person I have coached, I have worked with has struggled with this, myself included. This is something that is so important to address and detach from because it is causing you so much stress, it’s driving you to overwork and feel overwhelmed and discount yourself and not celebrate yourself.
So today on the Rest Rewind episode I’m bringing back an episode that really dives deep and challenges you to really question what is enough. And when you are chasing this abstract notion of ‘enough’ what you are creating for yourself. And how undoing that and changing your perspective actually allows you to not only feel better but do more and create what you want. And at the end of the episode there is a special prompt, an activity prompt for you to do. I really encourage you to do that this week, really put what I’m teaching you in this podcast into practice. So without further ado let’s get into the episode.
Happy Monday, you all. How's it going? I know some of you don't actually listen on Monday. What are you up to right now? How is it going? What's new? I just got back from a run a little bit ago. I really needed that workout. The past few days have been a little nuts around here.
My dog Cudi got really sick and ended up going into the animal hospital for a night. And so my brain has been on overdrive, to say the least the past few days. And it's been both interesting from a thought work perspective and tiring from a lived perspective. She seems to be getting better slowly. So hopefully things can wind down both with her and with my mind, to be honest.
Other more exciting news. I do also want to share another recent client win. This is a reflection email I got from a client who we just wrapped up one-on-one coaching with and this is the thing she said, “The biggest change I experienced from coaching was giving myself permission to feel proud of myself no matter what. This shift allowed me to generate my own source of unconditional pride that does not rely on external validation. Through this process, I've been able to positively transform my relationship to my to-do list and strengthen my confidence.”
So I wanted to share this because I wanted to pose this question to you all. How often do you let yourself feel proud? Of things like getting groceries, putting your shoes away, not beating up on yourself for not getting to cleaning that day or for eating food you enjoy rather than restricting. Do you know that you could feel proud for all those things and anything else you do or don't do? Pride to me is one of the most enjoyable and fun emotions that humans can generate and feel, but we deprive ourselves of that.
And I'm sharing this because pride relates to this episode. So today we're talking about this concept of ‘enough’. And I'm putting enough in air quotes, you can't see me, but I am. Every single client I have worked with, has at one point or another said to me, “I just didn't do enough. It wasn't enough. I'm worried it's not enough.” And I totally do this too. You are not alone. When I work with my clients, and my own brain to be frank, to clarify and define what is enough, our brains don't know.
A lot of us, including me, did everything we thought was going to be enough. Got the degrees, got the jobs, the promotions, the partner, the house, the travel, whatever it was that we thought was going to be enough. And then we were surprised all of a sudden when we got all those things and it doesn't feel amazing. Life, wasn't all of a sudden so fulfilling. It wasn't exactly what we expected.
Here are some other ways that this shows up in our lives. It's Sunday and you had a list of chores and you only got through some of them, and then you tell yourself it wasn't enough. And you tell yourself you'd be feeling relaxed or proud or accomplished if you got it all done. It's Friday, and someone asks you how your week was and you say you didn't get enough done. And you feel a little shame and disappointment.
It's 6:00pm on a work day and you plan to leave the office then, but you tell yourself you can't because you haven't gotten enough done and that you need to finish what you're working on. It's Saturday and you're getting dressed to go to dinner, you put on your clothes, look in the mirror and think I'm not working out enough. And you feel a little shame and sadness. But really what is enough? Let's walk through a specific example. And I know I do this on a lot of episodes.
When I walk through a specific example, it's really to help make something that can seem abstract, more concrete. So you can really see how this is playing out in our brains. Even if the specific details of the example I'm using episode to episode, don't seem relevant to you. The concept and the thought patterns will. Don't check out because the scenario may not be specific to you. The thought patterns definitely apply somewhere in your life. And I encourage you to get curious to where that might be.
So let's talk about chores or to-do lists. This is an area I have worked on so much. I've gotten really, really far, but it still comes up. So it's a Sunday and I've made a list of things to get done. Let's say my list says meal prep, clean bathroom, walk Cudi, my dog, go through my mail, pay my bills. And then I also want to get a workout in and read. That's seven things. And 7:00pm rolls around and I've only gotten half of them done. My first thought often is, I didn't do enough. I didn't get it all done. And I can feel annoyed and disappointed, maybe even regretful.
Sometimes I shame myself for not knowing how long everything was going to take or something taking longer to do. And I might mope around that evening, feeling unaccomplished. Tell myself I would be feeling proud and relaxed if I got it all done. And then I tend to think and feel dread about having to figure out how to get those other things done later, but when I tell myself I didn't do enough, what is the definition of that?
My first answer in this scenario, my brain's first answer would typically be getting all the stuff done I wrote down on the list, but why? Why is that considered enough? And who gets to decide? Would everyone agree that getting seven things done on a Sunday is a measure of enough? Why did we decide on seven, why not five, why not eight? Does it differ depending on what those things are on your list?
For another example, telling yourself your job application wasn't good enough. What does that mean? Your answer, your brain's answer might be, well, if it was good enough, I would've gotten an email asking to interview, but is that true? Would everyone agree that if you didn't get an interview, it meant your application wasn't good enough? What if you found out they decided to no longer hire anyone for the position and pulled it. Then would you think it wasn't good enough?
Definitions of enough aren't universal. It's not a fact. It's a thought. It's a sentence your brain tells you. They're often not clear or measurable. When you interrogate them, the logic falls apart. You get to decide what is enough to you. And is the way you are deciding what is enough currently allowing you to feel good about yourself? So why do we tell ourselves constantly, we didn't do enough or something we did wasn't good enough or who we are isn't good enough?
When we hear messages, when we see messages, our brain internalizes them. We've talked about this a few times before. Our brain takes the messages we receive and digests them then speaks some of them back to us in our head, in our own voice, in our own way of saying them. Some of our brain's desire or fixation on doing or being enough, may be explainable by evolutionary biology.
As we evolved as humans, over hundreds and thousands of years, we needed to typically always complete certain tasks or complete tasks within a specific timeframe to survive, like preparing for winter for example. We also needed our small communities to survive. Being included in the community kept us alive, close to the warmth of a fire, food sources. It was important then that we did a certain amount of tasks or certain tasks to contribute to the community and our own survival. And it's possible that those who did that, survived, lived and their genes lived on.
Part of this may be from messaging you received growing up in your household or where you were raised. Your parents or caregivers telling you, you didn't get enough of your chores done. Your teacher telling you, you didn't study enough to get a different grade. We might have internalized these messages and now tell ourselves similar things.
And lastly, being socialized in a society with oppressive systems. These systems, whether it's a patriarchy, white supremacy or other types of oppression, like homophobia, fatphobia, ableism, send messages about who is enough, who is worthy and who is not. Everyone internalizes these messages and beliefs, about what groups or individuals are deemed ‘enough’, are doing enough, are not doing enough, should be doing more, shouldn't be doing more.
And when you have the lived experience of one or more of these marginalized identities, oppressed by these systems, you are hearing messages that you are not enough, that you are not worthy. What you do isn't enough to make it, you have to do more to be appreciated. And then our brains unconsciously internalize those messages. It's helpful to understand all of this first to know that something is not wrong with you or your brain for thinking this way.
And actually, in fact, it makes a lot of sense that if you're getting all these messages about what is enough-ness, that your brain would be having some of the thoughts you're having. But it's also helpful to know this because it means these thoughts and beliefs are not necessarily truths. They're not fixed. You can undo these beliefs. And the next step is to really understand the impact they're having on you.
What happens when we fixate on being, or doing enough? We believe once we finally get enough done, have worked enough on an assignment, are good enough for a partner, then we'll finally feel better. We'll feel accomplished and proud and happy and content. We also think, usually unconsciously, that it will prove to ourselves that we are enough. We are smart enough, worthy enough, hardworking enough, deserving enough and usually that we can finally take some rest.
Then when we get that ‘enough done’ or do enough according to our brain's arbitrary and vague description and randomly selected measure, what happens? Maybe we feel good for a short time, proud for a moment, but does it last? Often not. We get on that treadmill again, chasing for enough. We do this because those feelings of pride or happiness don't last. And because we have been chasing achieving enough with the idea, the belief that it will finally make us feel good, feel pride, feel happy, and then that will last and then we won't have to worry or hustle as much.
And when that doesn't happen, we believe it must be because we actually didn't do enough. That if those feelings don't suddenly appear and stay there for a long time, that must mean we actually didn't do enough and we have to keep chasing that. And it becomes a never ending cycle we're putting ourselves through because we keep moving the marker of what is enough. And every time we get there and don't sustain that happiness or pride, we think we are wrong about what was enough and we must do more or be more. And then we burn ourselves out, we are exhausted and depleted.
This is because enough doesn't deliver your feelings. Our feelings are not created by anything outside of us or anything we do or don't do. Our feelings are solely created by our thoughts. Enough never delivers a feeling. Getting a certain amount of things done on your to-do lists, never delivers a feeling. Getting a degree or a job title never delivers a feeling. The way we think about what we did or didn't do, who we are, who we're not, that is what creates our feelings.
If I go into my Sunday day of chores thinking, I have to get enough done feeling pressured and anxious. Then no matter how much I get done, I'm going to keep feeling that pressure and anxiety. If I get half done, then I tell myself I didn't do enough and I add this layer of shame and disappointment. And then I feel anxious and pressure about how I'm going to get the rest done later. If I do get it all done, I tell myself I could have done more, add a layer of shame and disappointment. Then I feel anxious and pressure about not doing more.
When you believe there is such a thing as enough, you always end up rejecting what you've already done. Your brain only focuses on what you have not done and why you're not good enough. You're telling yourself that what you've done is not good enough, that it's not worthy, that it's nothing. You're ignoring and rejecting what you did or who you are.
On Sunday, when you shame yourself for getting half your to-do list done, you're completely ignoring, not celebrating and not feeling proud of the three or four things you did get done. You could decide to focus and be excited about how now you have four less things to do. You have four things done today off your to-do list, don't have to think about those anymore, but you focus on the other number of things you didn't get done. And our brains do have this negativity bias.
Our brains do want to focus on the negative, but you can redirect it towards something else, towards acknowledging and celebrating what you have done and who you are right now. You will never get more done or generate more love and appreciation for yourself for what you have done, if you are rejecting what you have done and who you are right now.
It's like if there was a child who put away three of their 10 toys. If you ignored the toys they put away and only pointed to the other toys on the floor, telling them that they didn't do enough or if you told them that putting away those three toys didn't count, it wasn't enough, it doesn't matter. Would that child feel proud of themselves? Would they celebrate themselves? Would they want to put away those other seven toys? Would they want to play with toys another day? Would they create love for themselves and appreciation? No.
And this is what you're doing to yourself, by the way you are talking to yourself about what you have or haven't done. When you believe you have not done enough, you're also telling yourself that you as a person are not enough. You are rejecting yourself. You can keep deciding to tell yourself you need to get enough done or be good enough, but you don't have to. You can decide that no matter how much you get done on a Sunday, you're going to feel proud of yourself for what you did accomplish.
You can think about how amazing it is that you got that paper drafted in a week instead of focusing on about how it could have been better. You can believe that you're a good candidate for a job, even when you don't get offered an interview. You can focus on how beautiful it is that you showed up as your true self on a date, no matter if the person wants to see you again. You can decide that working out once a week was the exact amount of times that you needed to work out.
You can love exactly where you are right now, exactly what you have or have not done. And in fact, you have to learn how to love exactly where you are right now, what you have done, what you haven't done and who you are in order to create space, to do more, to love more. So this week I want you every night, sit down for five minutes and write down all your thoughts about how you didn't get enough done or aren't good enough. Write them in bullet point format, one sentence per line, no run on sentences.
If you have a bunch of ands or commas or semicolons, those are more than one sentence. And then take each thought and make it a celebration of what you did do or how amazing you are. So take the thought, I didn't get all my homework done, to I completed my term paper and my biostats assignment tonight. Take, I could have worked out longer, to I gave my body 30 minutes of exercise and nourishment today. Do you see the difference between those two? They're both talking about the same experience, but in very different ways that generate very different feelings.
So I encourage you to do this next week and see how this shift in thinking changes the feelings you get to experience. I am really excited for you to try this activity on. It can be really powerful if you go all in with it and I know you can do this. Thanks so much for tuning in and we'll chat next week.
If you found this episode helpful then you have to check out my coaching program where I provide you individualized support to create a life centered around rest. Head on over to mckoolcoaching.com, that’s M-C-K-O-O-L coaching.com to learn more.
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