60. Be the Author of Your Life
Do you remember how excited you used to be about the future as a child or adolescent? Our minds were often focused on the future, whether it was about summer break, getting your driver’s license, or graduating college. We would daydream and envision all the possibilities available to us, so when did we stop dreaming and start settling?
If I asked you to rate your life on a scale of one to 10, most of you would likely fall between the six to eight range. This was definitely my answer at first too, but what if I offered that your life is truly at a two? I’m not saying your life is terrible or shitty in any way. Instead, seeing your current life at a two might help you allow the desires that are bubbling under the surface, and to go after them.
Join me this week as I show you what it means to be the author of your life. I’m offering my insights on opening up the possibility and permission to create a life that’s better than just “good enough,” and how to start outlining future chapters of your life that you feel excited about.
If you want to take this work deeper and learn the tools and skills to feel better, all while having my support and guidance each step of the way, I invite you to set up a time to chat with me. Click here to grab a spot on my calendar and I can’t wait to speak to you!
The Burnout Recovery course is out and available right now! Join this three-part mini-course to get concrete tools and skills to help you reduce pandemic stress, deal with difficult bosses, and reduce your workload.
What You Will Discover:
What it means to be the author of your life.
How to build the capacity to believe more is possible for you.
The power of rating your life a two on a scale of one to 10.
How you might be settling for a life you don’t actually want.
Why your life doesn’t have to be just “good enough.”
Resources:
Get The Burnout Recovery Resolution mini-course right now by signing up here!
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BONUS: Why Coaching Is the Answer for Public Health Professionals
MCH Bridges #5: Rest is Infinite: Shifting Our Mindsets on Rest & Productivity
Not Your Average Runner #252: Redefining Rest for Runners with Marissa McKool
Full Episode Transcript:
Hey, you all, I’m Marissa McKool, and you’re listening to the Redefining Rest Podcast for public health professionals. Here we believe rest is your right. You don’t have to earn it, you just have to learn how to take it and I’m going to teach you. Ready? Come along.
Hi, everyone, I’m so, so happy be here today chatting with you. It’s been a while since I recorded. Of course, you’re hearing episodes coming out weekly. But sometimes I batch record especially when there’s other things happening. So, in May I had a lot of trips. I had a weeklong vacation with zero work, went to Mexico, it was great. We went to Chichén Itzá which I am an amateur fan of archeology, so I loved that. We just finished as you’re hearing this, my Get Rest Challenge, it was amazing, I loved it. I loved hearing from everyone.
If you’re like, “What is that? I didn’t hear about that.” You’ve got to get on my email list. That’s how you find out about all of these awesome events I’m doing, opportunities to work with me and get coaching. So, get on my email list, we’ll leave a link, come join us for future, I’m sure I’ll do future, probably not the same thing but other stuff again in the future. And actually, I’ve been having a lot of fun.
I have been guests on many other people’s podcasts. So Public Health Spotlight where they talk about public health careers. Unf*ck Your Brain, my coach, mentor and teacher, Kara Loewentheil, we talked about the patriarchy and burnout. MCH Bridges, so that’s through AMCHP, the Association of Maternal Child Health Programs to help maternal child health professionals. So, we talked about redefining rest. I was on the Not Your Average Runner podcast talking about rest mindset for runners or folks who exercise.
So, make sure to check those out. I have a couple others with other podcasts coming out, I’ll share on social media. I’m really excited about. So today might seem like a little bit of a different episode but I’ve been thinking about it a lot and for a long time. And seeing the ways in which folks in public health are just kind of taking a backseat in their life. But believing they’re in the driver’s seat. So, I’m going to start with a question and as I ask this question I want you to answer it.
Now, I heard this first, Brooke Castillo asked this question on a podcast interview. And if I’m being totally honest, when I first heard her ask it and her response I was super annoyed. And actually, this happens a lot. When I first get coaching in a lot things or hear things on podcasts that challenge my brain, I am definitely the person who has the brain that resists it and gets annoyed. If you feel like that too, that’s okay, I totally feel you. What I choose to do is wrestle with it. I let myself think about it, and chew on it, and let it in.
And I always get something out of it even if I choose not to fully agree. And I encourage you to do that too. This, once I chewed on it I was like, “Whoa, this if fucking mind blowing.” So, I sat with it, and it fired something up inside of me. And I really haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. So, I’m going to ask you the same question and I want you to answer it. If you rated your life right now on a one to ten scale, where do you think you fall? Now, really think about it, what number comes to mind? Where are you on that scale? Where would you rate your life?
Now, most people, the number that pops into their mind or that they would say will be a seven or an eight. Now, some of you might be really in the thick of things, a really challenging period in your life, maybe you’re on COVID detail or work in reproductive policy, maybe you’d say a six. But I would say most people around a seven/eight. And that was my first response too. Now, I’m going to say to you what Brooke said on this podcast. What if I told you it’s not a seven, it’s not an eight, it’s actually a two?
What comes up for you when I say that? How do you feel when I say that? Now, for me I felt really annoyed. I was like, “How dare you assume my life is worse, or could be better, or is terrible?” My brain went to that place. And if you feel that way right now, don’t worry, I was there too. But I really want you to think about that, what if your life is truly at a two? And I want to give you permission to keep the belief it’s at a seven or eight if you want to after this episode but first give yourself a chance to listen openly with curiosity knowing you ultimately get to decide what you believe always.
So just come with me on this short explanation of what if it’s a two? Give yourself the next 10 to 15 minutes to explore that. When I say, what if your life is a two, what I do not mean is what if your life is terrible and shit. That’s not what I’m saying at all. Most of you listening, if you’re listening to this podcast you at least have some sort of technology access. You might have a job or in school. You have some capacity and desire to change your life, you’re working on it. You might have some good relationships in your life, maybe family, or friends.
Or you’re building a good relationship with yourself. I’m not saying your life is terrible and shit by any means. And I don’t even know if I believe that any human’s life is terrible and shit but that’s a discussion for another day. But what if believing your life is at a two means there is so much more possibility for you than you’re even aware of, possibility to make more money. To experience a fuller expansion of happiness, to go after bigger goals, to achieve things you never thought were possible.
Possibility to experience once in a lifetime adventures and travel, to work less and not sacrifice happiness or money, to have more time than ever and engage in hobbies you want to do. Possibility to create a life you never thought was possible. To live a life that your 10 year old self would be insanely excited to grow up into, to live a life your 90 year old self would be insanely excited they got to live. When you believe your life is at a seven or eight you look at that and you go, “That’s good enough. Why make the effort to go to 10, this is fine, I can’t complain. I’ve got it better than most.”
And then you settle for things you don’t actually want. Maybe you drink more than truly deep down you desire. You don’t go after making 50K more a year. You scroll Instagram more often than you really want. You put off writing that book you’ve been secretly daydreaming about. You look at your life and go, “Good enough.” And because of that you don’t go, “Let me go after that. Let me change that. Let me do that, let me try.” Even when you have the desire to, even when it could be fun, even when it could make you a more evolved person.
Even when it would open up so much more for you. When you decide to believe your life is at a two you get to imagine what will it be like at a four? What will it be like at a six? What will it be like at an eight? How do I create that? Who do I become? What do I get to do along the way? There is so much more possibility. You look forward to the future more. You’re focused on that, you’re less focused on the past. You desire more. And what I should say is you actually allow the desires you currently have to actually exist, to think about them, to go after them, to bring them to the surface.
Right now, you have a lot of desires you’re covering up, or excusing and ignoring. So, it will allow you to bring those to the surface. And then it would allow you to discover new desires, to create more, to try more things, to dream, to believe, to go after it. Believing your life is at a two is not about ignoring what you already like about your life. It’s not about denying your privileges and it’s absolutely not about comparing it to other people’s lives. It is about opening up the possibility and permission to truly be the author of your life.
When you live at a seven or eight, guess what? You are living like you’ve already put your pen down. You might edit a sentence here or there. Maybe even write a new page. But mostly you’re not writing. Some of you are consistently thinking about writing but telling yourself you can’t or shouldn’t. When you live at a two you have the pen in your hand all the time. You start drafting ideas and brainstorming. And you’re constantly outlining. You’re writing sentence after sentence and chapter after chapter.
You’re getting excited about the future chapters and imagining them and living into them, and creating them. When you’re living at a seven or an eight, when you’re believing your life is a seven or eight, it’s like you think you’re on chapter 10 of a 13 chapter book. When you believe your life is at a two you get to be like, “I’m on chapter four and there is 15 chapters in this book. What else is going to happen? I’m so excited to read it. I’m so excited to write it. I am so excited to find out.”
Remember when you were growing up as a child or an adolescent. How often your mind was so focused on the future, so excited about the short term future like your plans in the summer, summer break and what you’re going to do. And long term future like I can’t wait for middle school and what that’s going to be like. I remember before I got my driver’s license all I could think about was getting my driver’s license, where I would go and what I would do, and how I would feel. And I would literally envision it and I would daydream about it.
And we still have some of that energy when we’re in college and even grad school. And even sometimes the first few years after grad school I had that energy. But then we stopped doing that, maybe you still have some dreams about getting married or having kids. But you don’t really fully dream about your career and what it could be, you’re kind of settling. Maybe you kind of think about a future career change but you don’t really envision all the amazing adventures, and travel, and luxury experiences you could have in your life.
Maybe you sometimes think about what you want to do but then tell yourself, “Well, with my family responsibilities I can’t right now.” So, you, one, don’t think about the future very much, or when you do it’s not that exciting. You don’t really go all the way there to truly what is the most mind blowing thing I could do? What is the craziest thing I could create? What is the most exciting experience I could have? And then sometimes when you do you just shut it down.
And also, number two, you put off the possibility to some distant future, I’ll do it then. I’ll do it when my kids are grown. I’ll do it when I get this much money. I’ll do it when I retire. So therefore, you’re not really even writing that chapter in the first place. When you live at a two you get to have the same energy in your life as you did as you grew up as a kid, or in college, or in grad school. Where you see your future as full of possibility and opportunity, imagining all the time, what it will be like, what it will feel like, what you’ll get to do. And taking action to make that happen.
And that energy which I’ve been living into recently feels so magical, so exciting, so fulfilling. And you get to feel that. So, I want you just for a few minutes, go to that place where you believe your life is a two. And if you don’t fully believe that right now, that’s okay. But if you did believe that what would be different about your life right now if you believed your life was a two and you could get to 10, what would you want to change? What would you want to do differently? What would you want to stop doing? What would you want to start doing?
If you believed your life is a two, what would the horizon of your life look like? What path would you get to take? What corner would you turn? Where would you be going? What would you want to create? What would you decide to believe is possible for you? If you believed your life is a two, how would your vision of the future change? How would your energy of the present change? How would your imagination of your life be different? How would you make decisions?
Right now, with envisioning, listening to and answering these questions you are learning to believe, to believe the desires you already have in you are valid, are possible and available to you. To believe that you have so much more life to create. To believe that you can create whatever you want in your life, to believe that there is no life milestone where you have to accept ‘good enough.’ Learning to believe requires practice, your capacity to believe right now, where you are right now is believing your life is ‘good enough.’
And in this episode as you’ve been listening, you have been starting to build the capacity to believe your life can offer you so much more. I want you to think of belief as stretching. So, your capacity to stretch. So, remember in PE growing up, you had to sit on the floor with your legs straight out and try to touch your toes. And they would measure that as some part of a test. And even if you were like me who were in dance and gymnastics or you were really flexible, I just want you to stick with this illustration.
So, where you are right now when you believe your life is a seven or an eight, it’s like you’re doing that stretch activity and you can only reach your thigh or knees, that’s the capacity of your belief. And today we stretched it a little bit, you’re able to reach past your thighs or knees for the first time a little bit. As you imagine what it would be like if you believed your life was a two, that was building belief capacity. You were stretching your belief.
And as you keep doing this you will get more and more flexible. You will be able to believe more and eventually get to your shin and get to your toes with your belief and stretch your belief. So, I want you to keep thinking about this. I often say, put this idea in your brain and hit tumble dry, like a drier, just let it slowly dry. Let it roll around, ponder it. Yes, your life is good. This is not about denying that. But it’s about saying you don’t have to believe it’s ‘good enough.’
It can be good, and you can have more. You can believe it’s good and I can create more, it’s good and I can experience more. It’s good and I can grow more. It’s creating the belief that you can trade in good for great. That is possible for you, that is available for you. It is accessible by you. It’s not out of your reach. It’s not reserved for other people. It is for you. So, with that I’m going to leave you, let this tumble dry in your head, you all. I can’t wait to talk to you next week. Bye everyone.
If you found this episode helpful then you have to check out my coaching program where I provide you individualized support to create a life centered around rest. Head on over to mckoolcoaching.com, that’s M-C-K-O-O-L coaching.com to learn more.
Hi, everyone, I’m so, so happy be here today chatting with you. It’s been a while since I recorded. Of course, you’re hearing episodes coming out weekly. But sometimes I batch record especially when there’s other things happening. So, in May I had a lot of trips. I had a weeklong vacation with zero work, went to Mexico, it was great. We went to Chichén Itzá which I am an amateur fan of archeology, so I loved that. We just finished as you’re hearing this, my Get Rest Challenge, it was amazing, I loved it. I loved hearing from everyone.
If you’re like, “What is that? I didn’t hear about that.” You’ve got to get on my email list. That’s how you find out about all of these awesome events I’m doing, opportunities to work with me and get coaching. So, get on my email list, we’ll leave a link, come join us for future, I’m sure I’ll do future, probably not the same thing but other stuff again in the future. And actually, I’ve been having a lot of fun.
I have been guests on many other people’s podcasts. So Public Health Spotlight where they talk about public health careers. Unf*ck Your Brain, my coach, mentor and teacher, Kara Loewentheil, we talked about the patriarchy and burnout. MCH Bridges, so that’s through AMCHP, the Association of Maternal Child Health Programs to help maternal child health professionals. So, we talked about redefining rest. I was on the Not Your Average Runner podcast talking about rest mindset for runners or folks who exercise.
So, make sure to check those out. I have a couple others with other podcasts coming out, I’ll share on social media. I’m really excited about. So today might seem like a little bit of a different episode but I’ve been thinking about it a lot and for a long time. And seeing the ways in which folks in public health are just kind of taking a backseat in their life. But believing they’re in the driver’s seat. So, I’m going to start with a question and as I ask this question I want you to answer it.
Now, I heard this first, Brooke Castillo asked this question on a podcast interview. And if I’m being totally honest, when I first heard her ask it and her response I was super annoyed. And actually, this happens a lot. When I first get coaching in a lot things or hear things on podcasts that challenge my brain, I am definitely the person who has the brain that resists it and gets annoyed. If you feel like that too, that’s okay, I totally feel you. What I choose to do is wrestle with it. I let myself think about it, and chew on it, and let it in.
And I always get something out of it even if I choose not to fully agree. And I encourage you to do that too. This, once I chewed on it I was like, “Whoa, this if fucking mind blowing.” So, I sat with it, and it fired something up inside of me. And I really haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. So, I’m going to ask you the same question and I want you to answer it. If you rated your life right now on a one to ten scale, where do you think you fall? Now, really think about it, what number comes to mind? Where are you on that scale? Where would you rate your life?
Now, most people, the number that pops into their mind or that they would say will be a seven or an eight. Now, some of you might be really in the thick of things, a really challenging period in your life, maybe you’re on COVID detail or work in reproductive policy, maybe you’d say a six. But I would say most people around a seven/eight. And that was my first response too. Now, I’m going to say to you what Brooke said on this podcast. What if I told you it’s not a seven, it’s not an eight, it’s actually a two?
What comes up for you when I say that? How do you feel when I say that? Now, for me I felt really annoyed. I was like, “How dare you assume my life is worse, or could be better, or is terrible?” My brain went to that place. And if you feel that way right now, don’t worry, I was there too. But I really want you to think about that, what if your life is truly at a two? And I want to give you permission to keep the belief it’s at a seven or eight if you want to after this episode but first give yourself a chance to listen openly with curiosity knowing you ultimately get to decide what you believe always.
So just come with me on this short explanation of what if it’s a two? Give yourself the next 10 to 15 minutes to explore that. When I say, what if your life is a two, what I do not mean is what if your life is terrible and shit. That’s not what I’m saying at all. Most of you listening, if you’re listening to this podcast you at least have some sort of technology access. You might have a job or in school. You have some capacity and desire to change your life, you’re working on it. You might have some good relationships in your life, maybe family, or friends.
Or you’re building a good relationship with yourself. I’m not saying your life is terrible and shit by any means. And I don’t even know if I believe that any human’s life is terrible and shit but that’s a discussion for another day. But what if believing your life is at a two means there is so much more possibility for you than you’re even aware of, possibility to make more money. To experience a fuller expansion of happiness, to go after bigger goals, to achieve things you never thought were possible.
Possibility to experience once in a lifetime adventures and travel, to work less and not sacrifice happiness or money, to have more time than ever and engage in hobbies you want to do. Possibility to create a life you never thought was possible. To live a life that your 10 year old self would be insanely excited to grow up into, to live a life your 90 year old self would be insanely excited they got to live. When you believe your life is at a seven or eight you look at that and you go, “That’s good enough. Why make the effort to go to 10, this is fine, I can’t complain. I’ve got it better than most.”
And then you settle for things you don’t actually want. Maybe you drink more than truly deep down you desire. You don’t go after making 50K more a year. You scroll Instagram more often than you really want. You put off writing that book you’ve been secretly daydreaming about. You look at your life and go, “Good enough.” And because of that you don’t go, “Let me go after that. Let me change that. Let me do that, let me try.” Even when you have the desire to, even when it could be fun, even when it could make you a more evolved person.
Even when it would open up so much more for you. When you decide to believe your life is at a two you get to imagine what will it be like at a four? What will it be like at a six? What will it be like at an eight? How do I create that? Who do I become? What do I get to do along the way? There is so much more possibility. You look forward to the future more. You’re focused on that, you’re less focused on the past. You desire more. And what I should say is you actually allow the desires you currently have to actually exist, to think about them, to go after them, to bring them to the surface.
Right now, you have a lot of desires you’re covering up, or excusing and ignoring. So, it will allow you to bring those to the surface. And then it would allow you to discover new desires, to create more, to try more things, to dream, to believe, to go after it. Believing your life is at a two is not about ignoring what you already like about your life. It’s not about denying your privileges and it’s absolutely not about comparing it to other people’s lives. It is about opening up the possibility and permission to truly be the author of your life.
When you live at a seven or eight, guess what? You are living like you’ve already put your pen down. You might edit a sentence here or there. Maybe even write a new page. But mostly you’re not writing. Some of you are consistently thinking about writing but telling yourself you can’t or shouldn’t. When you live at a two you have the pen in your hand all the time. You start drafting ideas and brainstorming. And you’re constantly outlining. You’re writing sentence after sentence and chapter after chapter.
You’re getting excited about the future chapters and imagining them and living into them, and creating them. When you’re living at a seven or an eight, when you’re believing your life is a seven or eight, it’s like you think you’re on chapter 10 of a 13 chapter book. When you believe your life is at a two you get to be like, “I’m on chapter four and there is 15 chapters in this book. What else is going to happen? I’m so excited to read it. I’m so excited to write it. I am so excited to find out.”
Remember when you were growing up as a child or an adolescent. How often your mind was so focused on the future, so excited about the short term future like your plans in the summer, summer break and what you’re going to do. And long term future like I can’t wait for middle school and what that’s going to be like. I remember before I got my driver’s license all I could think about was getting my driver’s license, where I would go and what I would do, and how I would feel. And I would literally envision it and I would daydream about it.
And we still have some of that energy when we’re in college and even grad school. And even sometimes the first few years after grad school I had that energy. But then we stopped doing that, maybe you still have some dreams about getting married or having kids. But you don’t really fully dream about your career and what it could be, you’re kind of settling. Maybe you kind of think about a future career change but you don’t really envision all the amazing adventures, and travel, and luxury experiences you could have in your life.
Maybe you sometimes think about what you want to do but then tell yourself, “Well, with my family responsibilities I can’t right now.” So, you, one, don’t think about the future very much, or when you do it’s not that exciting. You don’t really go all the way there to truly what is the most mind blowing thing I could do? What is the craziest thing I could create? What is the most exciting experience I could have? And then sometimes when you do you just shut it down.
And also, number two, you put off the possibility to some distant future, I’ll do it then. I’ll do it when my kids are grown. I’ll do it when I get this much money. I’ll do it when I retire. So therefore, you’re not really even writing that chapter in the first place. When you live at a two you get to have the same energy in your life as you did as you grew up as a kid, or in college, or in grad school. Where you see your future as full of possibility and opportunity, imagining all the time, what it will be like, what it will feel like, what you’ll get to do. And taking action to make that happen.
And that energy which I’ve been living into recently feels so magical, so exciting, so fulfilling. And you get to feel that. So, I want you just for a few minutes, go to that place where you believe your life is a two. And if you don’t fully believe that right now, that’s okay. But if you did believe that what would be different about your life right now if you believed your life was a two and you could get to 10, what would you want to change? What would you want to do differently? What would you want to stop doing? What would you want to start doing?
If you believed your life is a two, what would the horizon of your life look like? What path would you get to take? What corner would you turn? Where would you be going? What would you want to create? What would you decide to believe is possible for you? If you believed your life is a two, how would your vision of the future change? How would your energy of the present change? How would your imagination of your life be different? How would you make decisions?
Right now, with envisioning, listening to and answering these questions you are learning to believe, to believe the desires you already have in you are valid, are possible and available to you. To believe that you have so much more life to create. To believe that you can create whatever you want in your life, to believe that there is no life milestone where you have to accept ‘good enough.’ Learning to believe requires practice, your capacity to believe right now, where you are right now is believing your life is ‘good enough.’
And in this episode as you’ve been listening, you have been starting to build the capacity to believe your life can offer you so much more. I want you to think of belief as stretching. So, your capacity to stretch. So, remember in PE growing up, you had to sit on the floor with your legs straight out and try to touch your toes. And they would measure that as some part of a test. And even if you were like me who were in dance and gymnastics or you were really flexible, I just want you to stick with this illustration.
So, where you are right now when you believe your life is a seven or an eight, it’s like you’re doing that stretch activity and you can only reach your thigh or knees, that’s the capacity of your belief. And today we stretched it a little bit, you’re able to reach past your thighs or knees for the first time a little bit. As you imagine what it would be like if you believed your life was a two, that was building belief capacity. You were stretching your belief.
And as you keep doing this you will get more and more flexible. You will be able to believe more and eventually get to your shin and get to your toes with your belief and stretch your belief. So, I want you to keep thinking about this. I often say, put this idea in your brain and hit tumble dry, like a drier, just let it slowly dry. Let it roll around, ponder it. Yes, your life is good. This is not about denying that. But it’s about saying you don’t have to believe it’s ‘good enough.’
It can be good, and you can have more. You can believe it’s good and I can create more, it’s good and I can experience more. It’s good and I can grow more. It’s creating the belief that you can trade in good for great. That is possible for you, that is available for you. It is accessible by you. It’s not out of your reach. It’s not reserved for other people. It is for you. So, with that I’m going to leave you, let this tumble dry in your head, you all. I can’t wait to talk to you next week. Bye everyone.
If you found this episode helpful then you have to check out my coaching program where I provide you individualized support to create a life centered around rest. Head on over to mckoolcoaching.com, that’s M-C-K-O-O-L coaching.com to learn more.
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