115. Do It All Framework
Teachings of the patriarchy and capitalism have us all overworked, stressed, and bouncing from task to task. We have a "Do It All" mentality that permeates our society and leaves us feeling shame when we fail, make mistakes, and can't keep up.
This week, I share the metaphor of our brain as a computer operating system, why the code of "Do It All" isn't serving you and why it doesn't work well with other codes, such as the one we learn here: "You Deserve Rest."
Tune in this week to learn why you don't have to "Do It All" and why this mentality prevents you from finding rest. Discover methods for prioritizing your time and allowing rest into your life. By stepping away from oppressive systems, we can create space for our values and find joy in our way of living.
To celebrate reaching over 15,000 downloads, I’m hosting a giveaway! You could win a $300 gift card to a local spa near you, the books Burnout by Emily and Amelia Nagoski and Rest is Restraint by Tricia Hersey, and a Worthy Sweatshirt by Health Equity Jazz.
All you have to do is click here to enter and follow the instructions!
What You Will Discover:
How to choose rest.
Why mistakes are not shameful.
How to prioritize your time.
Methods for finding rest in your life.
How to know if you are trying to “Do It All.”
Resources:
Sign up for a Curiosity Call to find out if individual coaching can help you!
Learn more about my 1:1 coaching program here!
Follow me on Instagram!
Questions? Comments? I'd love to hear from you! Email me at info@mckoolcoaching.com
Join my weekly mailing list to learn about August’s Productivity Course
Get my free masterclass: How to Delegate and Reduce Your Workload
Full Episode Transcript:
Hey you all, I’m Marissa McKool, and you’re listening to the Redefining Rest Podcast for Public Health Professionals. Here we believe rest is your right. You don’t have to earn it, you just have to learn how to take it and I’m going to teach you. Ready? Come along.
Hello, everyone. Happy Monday, welcome, I’m so glad you’re here. What have you been up to? What’s going on in your life? How’s your summer been going? Right now as I’m recording this, my apartment kind of sits over the apartment complex pool. There’s so many kids and families down there. Kids are out, people are hanging out by the pool, working down there. I’m wrapping up my day as I’m recording this.
I’m going to take a little break. You know when you get that fogginess and that heaviness in your eyes because you’ve stared at the screen too much? Yeah, that’s happening to me so I’m going to end the day after I record this. And then later on I have a 90 minute high yoga class which I’m really looking forward to. I think my mind and body could really use that.
Now, big announcement, this is the last week to enter our podcast giveaway. We are giving away a $300 spa gift card, the books Burnout by Amelia and Emily Nagoski and Rest is Resistance by Tricia Hersey. And a Worthy sweatshirt from our friend, Health Equity Jazz. And I want to ask those of you who haven’t entered the giveaway yet, maybe you've been listening to the podcast getting reminders, seeing the reminders on social media, maybe you’re on my email list and get my emails about entering. Why haven't you? Why haven't you entered the giveaway?
And if you’re new here, if this is the first episode you’ve listened to and you’re just hearing about the giveaway but you’re like, “Maybe not, should I, should I not”, and you’re not like, “Fuck, yes, I’m going to enter that.” I want you to answer the question why, because I think your answer actually reveals a lot more about what you believe about rest. If you’re thinking I don’t need that, underneath that you believe you have to justify your rest. If you’re thinking, I don’t have time, underneath that you believe productivity matters more than rest, that you have to earn it and do things, do more to then access rest.
If you’re thinking, well, it’s not worth it to me, means you believe you aren’t worth it. We have been told our whole lives, rest is a nice to have, not a must have. And when we believe this, even unconsciously, when rest is being given to us, we choose to opt out of it. We find a reason not to accept it. We deny ourselves opportunities of rest. And I'm not just talking about the giveaway. If you are doing this with a giveaway, I guarantee you, you are doing it at work and at home and missing so many opportunities to take rest. Rest is not a nice to have, it is a must have.
When you have an opportunity to take rest, like this giveaway or another form, whether it’s stepping away for lunch, going to a workout class, taking a day off, not replying to emails or anything else, when you are not taking those opportunities of rest, what does that unintentionally tell your brain, that you don’t deserve rest? That you aren’t worth it? That it shouldn’t matter to you?
When you have these unconscious beliefs about rest, what you’re creating in your life is not taking vacation, not saying no, not setting boundaries, not putting yourself first, not giving your mind and body what it needs when it needs it, not finding joy. You’re hustling. You’re overworking. You're overstressed. If you want to experience less stress, if you want to have more time, if you want to have a more fulfilling life you have to choose rest. It's not even really about the giveaway. It’s about you seeing how you are choosing not to put rest first, not to take rest.
What if instead you decided to believe that you can take rest, that rest is worth it, that it is available to you. And me doing this giveaway and you entering isn't about you earning it or deserving it. It’s about you taking rest. I’m just making it so much easier and so much more fun. You get $300 to pamper yourself at the spa. You get amazing books that I've personally read and that I gift to my clients, that have really made a huge impact and will make a huge impact in your life.
And you'll get a Worthy sweatshirt that reminds you every day you are worthy and you can opt out of this hustle culture bullshit. So I want you to enter. The giveaway ends Friday, this Friday July 14th at 11:30pm Eastern Standard Time. We have a link in the show notes. Go click on that and enter the giveaway. I really mean it, you all, I really, really, really want you to prioritize yourself and use this giveaway as an opportunity to show yourself and show your brain you matter. Your rest matters and you’re going to take it.
And actually today’s episode kind of relates to this concept because we're talking about the do it all framework you've been operating from that you aren’t really even aware of. Now, this is something I coach on a lot in my one-on-one coaching program. And most of you listening have a do it all mentality. And listen, so do I, that is because we are socialized to. In the workforce, hustle culture and toxic capitalism teaches us to get it all done, do the most, have the most accomplishments, get the most awards.
The patriarchy socializes women to do everything at home, have everything perfect and clean in the house, always have the chores done, never ask for help, always help others. Helping profession amplifies that message of you should always be doing for others, whether at work or at home, you should always put yourself last. And I want you to think of your brain like a computer system, actually like an analysis system, SAS or SPSS or Stata or something like that, where you input a code and then it runs a code and it gives you the output, the same with your brain.
But right now the code your brain is running is a do it all code. As a result you're constantly chasing getting ‘enough done’, getting it all done, checking off everything on your checklist, doing everything for everyone else. And then when you don't get it all done or you can’t or you’re behind or it’s taking longer, you feel shame or guilt or anxiety or embarrassment or frustration or overwhelm.
And for some of you, you also have a new code, a different code you've been learning by listening to the podcast, a code that tells your brain you can slow down, you can have more time, you can say no, you can set boundaries. But those two codes are not running together, they can't, they are in direct conflict. So what do you do? You have to stop running the do it all framework, that code. That has to stop being put in, in your brain’s like computer system because you'll be getting the same output, which is overworking, not having enough time, feeling stressed and missing out on your life.
When you are operating from the do it all code, you’re always thinking about the next thing. You’re trying to optimize your time. You’re draining your mental and emotional energy trying to get it all done. You’re making a to-do list that’s two or three times as long as you have time for. You’re bouncing task to task, not truly finishing anything. Things fall through the cracks and then you feel terrible about that. Time for you, time for rest, you only get the leftovers and there’s nothing left over for you or for rest. Your sleep’s impacted.
The way you spend your money is impacted. You don’t have to do thoughtful research. You struggle making decisions and so then prices go up or you buy something that doesn't really work. There’s so many ways this is impacting your life. And then you don't get your to-do list all done, you feel terrible, you can’t relax or enjoy and the cycle starts all over again. Eventually you start to look at your to-do list and think I can’t get everything done, because you haven’t been able to.
First, let’s start because you're making a to-do list that the expectations you cannot reach. You’re making it twice, three, four, five times as long as possible. And you go through that cycle and you don't get it all done and you feel shame and then you’re like, “Fuck I can’t get it all done.” But when you realize you can’t get it all done, that awareness and realization doesn't prompt problem solving or changing your approach because you’re still running that do it all code.
You’re still working from that do it all framework. And that creates overwhelm. And from that overwhelm you shut down. You don't do anything. You actually waste more time and then you feel worse. In order to shift from overwhelm to problem solving to changing your approach to doing things differently so you have more time so you can slow down so you can say no and be present and set boundaries.
You have to first address this do it all framework you're working from because any changes you try to make right now when you continue to have this framework operating, any changes you try to implement, any different decisions, any different actions is going to come in conflict with this do it all framework. It’s like running two conflicting codes on a data analysis system except in this scenario your brain has the do it all framework grandfathered in because you’ve been taught this probably since you were born. Because we are so socialized in it, our school systems are embedded in it, our workplaces swim in it.
Even the media, even our bigger culture discussion about the purpose of life and what you should be aiming for. So that framework while it runs in your brain will always end up winning, especially if you aren’t conscious about it. When you let go of the do it all framework you get to feel empowered. You get to experience relief. You get to make more intentional choices. You get to run whatever code you want to operate from and then you can problem solve and feel in control, have more time, have less stress.
Not feel as bad about the fact that yes, as a human it's impossible to get everything done because we have so many things to do. The to-do list never ends, which we’ll talk more about, I think next week or in a couple of weeks so stay tuned for that episode. Our world, our society doesn't want you to let the do it all framework go because who benefits when you’re overworking, overwhelmed, trying to do it all, burning out, not being present and not having more time? Hustle culture, the patriarchy, white supremacy.
Eliminating this do it all framework in your brain means undoing the internalization of these systems of oppression, which is the last thing these systems want. And the truth is the promotion of burnout, perfectionism, chasing productivity is everywhere in our world, in our workforces, in our school, in our media. And the promotion of rest, of presence, of joy, of slowing down, of trusting yourself is lacking, is missing, is sparse. That doesn't mean you can't detach and let go of the do it all system because you can. I've done it. My one-on-one clients are doing it and so can you.
And here’s what happens when you do, when you let go of that framework. For me, I went from feeling panic, shame and overwhelm when I had three bills piled up to now being okay with a whole month worth of mail piled up. Now, for some of you as I’m saying that, you’re having a mini panic attack and I would have been just like you before. Because we've been taught that’s bad, you shouldn't do that. But actually what creates so much of your stress isn't the fact that you have a month's worth of mail piled up.
It's the shaming yourself for it, believing you shouldn't be doing that, you should have everything done. I’ve become okay with my mail not getting opened right away because I want to use my time for things that I really want to instead of always trying to push myself to be on top of the mail. Whether that means instead I want to use time researching for a trip I have coming up or I want to just relax and hang out on my patio. I don’t feel shame or make it mean I’m a failure for not always going through my mail right away.
Even recently, I had this incident where I thought I set up autopay for a bill and I kept getting mail from that company. And I just assumed, sometimes they still send you the paper bills. I was like, “I don’t need to open that.” Turns out, I didn’t set up autopay or it didn’t go through or I did it incorrectly. And when I realized that, it was okay. Didn’t mean I was like, “Yay, I’m so proud of myself.” But I didn’t spend three, four, five days shitting on myself. I didn’t make it mean I was a failure, that I’m failing at adulthood, that something’s wrong with me, that I should be better.
I also went from making a to-do list that would be 15 plus things in a day including on the weekends, trying to rush through all the things, getting fresh air when something was taking longer than I expected. Maybe staying late at work to finish or working on chores till 8:00pm on a Saturday night instead of enjoying my evening. And then feeling guilt and shame for not getting it all done and telling myself, I have to get up early tomorrow morning and catch up and make up for it.
Now, I set about maybe five at the max, goals a day and I'm okay if I don't get them done. There’s so many times I don’t expect something to take as long as it does and I maybe move something else to the next day and I don’t make it mean anything. I don’t get frustrated when things take longer. I’m comfortable pushing something later if I need to. I don’t pile up my day so high that I create stress and exhaustion and I am unable to be present and enjoy my day. And I don’t make it mean anything about me. I don’t punish myself, I stick to finishing work on time.
I don’t worry about working the evenings or weekends because I don't. I enjoy my time off. The same with the clients in my one-on-one program who are letting go of this do it all framework, to get home from work on time more often, to be able to be present with their family and enjoy their weekends. They are delegating work to others now. They are not stressing about the laundry not being done. They’re giving themselves permission to order takeout for the third time this week rather than forcing themselves to meal prep when they’d really rather be spending that time doing something else.
They’re not feeling shame for getting stuck in traffic panicking that they’re losing time to get more done. They’re accepting that situation and that they don’t have much control there. They’re not chasing their checklist constantly and they’re actually able to enjoy their life. So here is what I want to leave you with. And as I said, I think next week, I think it’s next week, maybe a couple of weeks, I’m talking more specifically about the to-do list, so if you struggle with that, don’t worry, we’re going to dive deeper into that.
But this is what I want to leave you with today. I want to leave you with some indicators that you are operating from a do it all framework. I’m going to share them. I want you to notice if you’re experiencing any of these. And if you are then you probably are operating and running this do it all code and it is creating overwhelm and stress and resentment. And preventing you from having more time, making memories, enjoying your life, going after bigger goals. Creating the career you want and so much more.
So are you believing you have to get everything on your to-do list done before you can take a break? Are you working through lunch because you haven't gotten enough done? Do you feel guilty or ashamed for having your laundry basket overflowing or dirty dishes in the sink? Do you feel panic or anxiety if you have unopened mail that you think you should get to but keep avoiding? Do you plan to get up extra early on the weekends so you can get ‘enough done’?
Do you struggle to enjoy your evenings because you’re thinking about everything you didn't get done or need to do tomorrow? Do you avoid, resist or not even think about delegating work, pass to others or asking for help? Do you feel guilt or shame for resting when you haven't gotten ‘enough done’ or everything done? When you do try to take rest, does your brain just list off all the things that you should be doing instead? Do you feel like you’re never doing enough at work or home, yet you find your hours and days are completely full, you are overwhelmed yet somehow still behind?
If you answered yes to any of these, you're probably operating from a do it all framework. And if so, next week, next Monday I’ll be opening up my new Time and Productivity course. Enrollment opens next Monday and I want you to sign up for it. I’ll share all the details on the podcast next week. But one of the main things we’ll do in this course is help you change this mental framework, to stop hustling for enough and never getting there and then feeling like shit.
To learning and implementing an approach to work and home, your to-do list the things you want to get done that allows you to feel calm and proud and confident and relaxed. So you can have time for yourself, so you can say no and set boundaries, so you can reduce your stress. So here’s the deal, if you’re new here, I want you to hit that subscribe button. And in fact if you’re not new here but haven't hit the subscribe button yet, I want you to do that so you don’t miss next week’s episode. Because I’ll be announcing the enrollment and all the details of the course, how to enroll right here on the podcast.
This course is only 10% of the cost of my normal one-on-one coaching program. The enrollment will only be open for a couple of weeks and the course starts in August. So I want you to make sure to tune in next week so you can learn when the course is happening, when enrollment closes, exactly what you'll get from the course so you can sign up and join. And the next couple of weeks the episodes that I’m putting out go right alongside this course. So we'll be talking about the history of the eight hour workday and how it’s sexist.
How to deal with and address never ending to-do lists, how to stay organized. I’m going to be sharing a live coaching call on time and productivity. So you can hear exactly what coaching is like, if you’ve never experienced it and you can apply the coaching to you. So make sure you subscribe so you don't miss a thing.
And listen, remember this is the last week to enter the podcast giveaway. We’re giving you a $300 spa gift card local to your area, books on burnout and rest and a Worthy sweatshirt. Please, please, please do not pass up the opportunity to take and give yourself rest. Click the link in the bio and enter the giveaway. Alright you all, see you next week.
If you found this episode helpful then you have to check out my coaching program where I provide you individualized support to create a life centered around rest. Head on over to mckoolcoaching.com, that’s M-C-K-O-O-L coaching.com to learn more.
Hello, everyone. Happy Monday, welcome, I’m so glad you’re here. What have you been up to? What’s going on in your life? How’s your summer been going? Right now as I’m recording this, my apartment kind of sits over the apartment complex pool. There’s so many kids and families down there. Kids are out, people are hanging out by the pool, working down there. I’m wrapping up my day as I’m recording this.
I’m going to take a little break. You know when you get that fogginess and that heaviness in your eyes because you’ve stared at the screen too much? Yeah, that’s happening to me so I’m going to end the day after I record this. And then later on I have a 90 minute high yoga class which I’m really looking forward to. I think my mind and body could really use that.
Now, big announcement, this is the last week to enter our podcast giveaway. We are giving away a $300 spa gift card, the books Burnout by Amelia and Emily Nagoski and Rest is Resistance by Tricia Hersey. And a Worthy sweatshirt from our friend, Health Equity Jazz. And I want to ask those of you who haven’t entered the giveaway yet, maybe you've been listening to the podcast getting reminders, seeing the reminders on social media, maybe you’re on my email list and get my emails about entering. Why haven't you? Why haven't you entered the giveaway?
And if you’re new here, if this is the first episode you’ve listened to and you’re just hearing about the giveaway but you’re like, “Maybe not, should I, should I not”, and you’re not like, “Fuck, yes, I’m going to enter that.” I want you to answer the question why, because I think your answer actually reveals a lot more about what you believe about rest. If you’re thinking I don’t need that, underneath that you believe you have to justify your rest. If you’re thinking, I don’t have time, underneath that you believe productivity matters more than rest, that you have to earn it and do things, do more to then access rest.
If you’re thinking, well, it’s not worth it to me, means you believe you aren’t worth it. We have been told our whole lives, rest is a nice to have, not a must have. And when we believe this, even unconsciously, when rest is being given to us, we choose to opt out of it. We find a reason not to accept it. We deny ourselves opportunities of rest. And I'm not just talking about the giveaway. If you are doing this with a giveaway, I guarantee you, you are doing it at work and at home and missing so many opportunities to take rest. Rest is not a nice to have, it is a must have.
When you have an opportunity to take rest, like this giveaway or another form, whether it’s stepping away for lunch, going to a workout class, taking a day off, not replying to emails or anything else, when you are not taking those opportunities of rest, what does that unintentionally tell your brain, that you don’t deserve rest? That you aren’t worth it? That it shouldn’t matter to you?
When you have these unconscious beliefs about rest, what you’re creating in your life is not taking vacation, not saying no, not setting boundaries, not putting yourself first, not giving your mind and body what it needs when it needs it, not finding joy. You’re hustling. You’re overworking. You're overstressed. If you want to experience less stress, if you want to have more time, if you want to have a more fulfilling life you have to choose rest. It's not even really about the giveaway. It’s about you seeing how you are choosing not to put rest first, not to take rest.
What if instead you decided to believe that you can take rest, that rest is worth it, that it is available to you. And me doing this giveaway and you entering isn't about you earning it or deserving it. It’s about you taking rest. I’m just making it so much easier and so much more fun. You get $300 to pamper yourself at the spa. You get amazing books that I've personally read and that I gift to my clients, that have really made a huge impact and will make a huge impact in your life.
And you'll get a Worthy sweatshirt that reminds you every day you are worthy and you can opt out of this hustle culture bullshit. So I want you to enter. The giveaway ends Friday, this Friday July 14th at 11:30pm Eastern Standard Time. We have a link in the show notes. Go click on that and enter the giveaway. I really mean it, you all, I really, really, really want you to prioritize yourself and use this giveaway as an opportunity to show yourself and show your brain you matter. Your rest matters and you’re going to take it.
And actually today’s episode kind of relates to this concept because we're talking about the do it all framework you've been operating from that you aren’t really even aware of. Now, this is something I coach on a lot in my one-on-one coaching program. And most of you listening have a do it all mentality. And listen, so do I, that is because we are socialized to. In the workforce, hustle culture and toxic capitalism teaches us to get it all done, do the most, have the most accomplishments, get the most awards.
The patriarchy socializes women to do everything at home, have everything perfect and clean in the house, always have the chores done, never ask for help, always help others. Helping profession amplifies that message of you should always be doing for others, whether at work or at home, you should always put yourself last. And I want you to think of your brain like a computer system, actually like an analysis system, SAS or SPSS or Stata or something like that, where you input a code and then it runs a code and it gives you the output, the same with your brain.
But right now the code your brain is running is a do it all code. As a result you're constantly chasing getting ‘enough done’, getting it all done, checking off everything on your checklist, doing everything for everyone else. And then when you don't get it all done or you can’t or you’re behind or it’s taking longer, you feel shame or guilt or anxiety or embarrassment or frustration or overwhelm.
And for some of you, you also have a new code, a different code you've been learning by listening to the podcast, a code that tells your brain you can slow down, you can have more time, you can say no, you can set boundaries. But those two codes are not running together, they can't, they are in direct conflict. So what do you do? You have to stop running the do it all framework, that code. That has to stop being put in, in your brain’s like computer system because you'll be getting the same output, which is overworking, not having enough time, feeling stressed and missing out on your life.
When you are operating from the do it all code, you’re always thinking about the next thing. You’re trying to optimize your time. You’re draining your mental and emotional energy trying to get it all done. You’re making a to-do list that’s two or three times as long as you have time for. You’re bouncing task to task, not truly finishing anything. Things fall through the cracks and then you feel terrible about that. Time for you, time for rest, you only get the leftovers and there’s nothing left over for you or for rest. Your sleep’s impacted.
The way you spend your money is impacted. You don’t have to do thoughtful research. You struggle making decisions and so then prices go up or you buy something that doesn't really work. There’s so many ways this is impacting your life. And then you don't get your to-do list all done, you feel terrible, you can’t relax or enjoy and the cycle starts all over again. Eventually you start to look at your to-do list and think I can’t get everything done, because you haven’t been able to.
First, let’s start because you're making a to-do list that the expectations you cannot reach. You’re making it twice, three, four, five times as long as possible. And you go through that cycle and you don't get it all done and you feel shame and then you’re like, “Fuck I can’t get it all done.” But when you realize you can’t get it all done, that awareness and realization doesn't prompt problem solving or changing your approach because you’re still running that do it all code.
You’re still working from that do it all framework. And that creates overwhelm. And from that overwhelm you shut down. You don't do anything. You actually waste more time and then you feel worse. In order to shift from overwhelm to problem solving to changing your approach to doing things differently so you have more time so you can slow down so you can say no and be present and set boundaries.
You have to first address this do it all framework you're working from because any changes you try to make right now when you continue to have this framework operating, any changes you try to implement, any different decisions, any different actions is going to come in conflict with this do it all framework. It’s like running two conflicting codes on a data analysis system except in this scenario your brain has the do it all framework grandfathered in because you’ve been taught this probably since you were born. Because we are so socialized in it, our school systems are embedded in it, our workplaces swim in it.
Even the media, even our bigger culture discussion about the purpose of life and what you should be aiming for. So that framework while it runs in your brain will always end up winning, especially if you aren’t conscious about it. When you let go of the do it all framework you get to feel empowered. You get to experience relief. You get to make more intentional choices. You get to run whatever code you want to operate from and then you can problem solve and feel in control, have more time, have less stress.
Not feel as bad about the fact that yes, as a human it's impossible to get everything done because we have so many things to do. The to-do list never ends, which we’ll talk more about, I think next week or in a couple of weeks so stay tuned for that episode. Our world, our society doesn't want you to let the do it all framework go because who benefits when you’re overworking, overwhelmed, trying to do it all, burning out, not being present and not having more time? Hustle culture, the patriarchy, white supremacy.
Eliminating this do it all framework in your brain means undoing the internalization of these systems of oppression, which is the last thing these systems want. And the truth is the promotion of burnout, perfectionism, chasing productivity is everywhere in our world, in our workforces, in our school, in our media. And the promotion of rest, of presence, of joy, of slowing down, of trusting yourself is lacking, is missing, is sparse. That doesn't mean you can't detach and let go of the do it all system because you can. I've done it. My one-on-one clients are doing it and so can you.
And here’s what happens when you do, when you let go of that framework. For me, I went from feeling panic, shame and overwhelm when I had three bills piled up to now being okay with a whole month worth of mail piled up. Now, for some of you as I’m saying that, you’re having a mini panic attack and I would have been just like you before. Because we've been taught that’s bad, you shouldn't do that. But actually what creates so much of your stress isn't the fact that you have a month's worth of mail piled up.
It's the shaming yourself for it, believing you shouldn't be doing that, you should have everything done. I’ve become okay with my mail not getting opened right away because I want to use my time for things that I really want to instead of always trying to push myself to be on top of the mail. Whether that means instead I want to use time researching for a trip I have coming up or I want to just relax and hang out on my patio. I don’t feel shame or make it mean I’m a failure for not always going through my mail right away.
Even recently, I had this incident where I thought I set up autopay for a bill and I kept getting mail from that company. And I just assumed, sometimes they still send you the paper bills. I was like, “I don’t need to open that.” Turns out, I didn’t set up autopay or it didn’t go through or I did it incorrectly. And when I realized that, it was okay. Didn’t mean I was like, “Yay, I’m so proud of myself.” But I didn’t spend three, four, five days shitting on myself. I didn’t make it mean I was a failure, that I’m failing at adulthood, that something’s wrong with me, that I should be better.
I also went from making a to-do list that would be 15 plus things in a day including on the weekends, trying to rush through all the things, getting fresh air when something was taking longer than I expected. Maybe staying late at work to finish or working on chores till 8:00pm on a Saturday night instead of enjoying my evening. And then feeling guilt and shame for not getting it all done and telling myself, I have to get up early tomorrow morning and catch up and make up for it.
Now, I set about maybe five at the max, goals a day and I'm okay if I don't get them done. There’s so many times I don’t expect something to take as long as it does and I maybe move something else to the next day and I don’t make it mean anything. I don’t get frustrated when things take longer. I’m comfortable pushing something later if I need to. I don’t pile up my day so high that I create stress and exhaustion and I am unable to be present and enjoy my day. And I don’t make it mean anything about me. I don’t punish myself, I stick to finishing work on time.
I don’t worry about working the evenings or weekends because I don't. I enjoy my time off. The same with the clients in my one-on-one program who are letting go of this do it all framework, to get home from work on time more often, to be able to be present with their family and enjoy their weekends. They are delegating work to others now. They are not stressing about the laundry not being done. They’re giving themselves permission to order takeout for the third time this week rather than forcing themselves to meal prep when they’d really rather be spending that time doing something else.
They’re not feeling shame for getting stuck in traffic panicking that they’re losing time to get more done. They’re accepting that situation and that they don’t have much control there. They’re not chasing their checklist constantly and they’re actually able to enjoy their life. So here is what I want to leave you with. And as I said, I think next week, I think it’s next week, maybe a couple of weeks, I’m talking more specifically about the to-do list, so if you struggle with that, don’t worry, we’re going to dive deeper into that.
But this is what I want to leave you with today. I want to leave you with some indicators that you are operating from a do it all framework. I’m going to share them. I want you to notice if you’re experiencing any of these. And if you are then you probably are operating and running this do it all code and it is creating overwhelm and stress and resentment. And preventing you from having more time, making memories, enjoying your life, going after bigger goals. Creating the career you want and so much more.
So are you believing you have to get everything on your to-do list done before you can take a break? Are you working through lunch because you haven't gotten enough done? Do you feel guilty or ashamed for having your laundry basket overflowing or dirty dishes in the sink? Do you feel panic or anxiety if you have unopened mail that you think you should get to but keep avoiding? Do you plan to get up extra early on the weekends so you can get ‘enough done’?
Do you struggle to enjoy your evenings because you’re thinking about everything you didn't get done or need to do tomorrow? Do you avoid, resist or not even think about delegating work, pass to others or asking for help? Do you feel guilt or shame for resting when you haven't gotten ‘enough done’ or everything done? When you do try to take rest, does your brain just list off all the things that you should be doing instead? Do you feel like you’re never doing enough at work or home, yet you find your hours and days are completely full, you are overwhelmed yet somehow still behind?
If you answered yes to any of these, you're probably operating from a do it all framework. And if so, next week, next Monday I’ll be opening up my new Time and Productivity course. Enrollment opens next Monday and I want you to sign up for it. I’ll share all the details on the podcast next week. But one of the main things we’ll do in this course is help you change this mental framework, to stop hustling for enough and never getting there and then feeling like shit.
To learning and implementing an approach to work and home, your to-do list the things you want to get done that allows you to feel calm and proud and confident and relaxed. So you can have time for yourself, so you can say no and set boundaries, so you can reduce your stress. So here’s the deal, if you’re new here, I want you to hit that subscribe button. And in fact if you’re not new here but haven't hit the subscribe button yet, I want you to do that so you don’t miss next week’s episode. Because I’ll be announcing the enrollment and all the details of the course, how to enroll right here on the podcast.
This course is only 10% of the cost of my normal one-on-one coaching program. The enrollment will only be open for a couple of weeks and the course starts in August. So I want you to make sure to tune in next week so you can learn when the course is happening, when enrollment closes, exactly what you'll get from the course so you can sign up and join. And the next couple of weeks the episodes that I’m putting out go right alongside this course. So we'll be talking about the history of the eight hour workday and how it’s sexist.
How to deal with and address never ending to-do lists, how to stay organized. I’m going to be sharing a live coaching call on time and productivity. So you can hear exactly what coaching is like, if you’ve never experienced it and you can apply the coaching to you. So make sure you subscribe so you don't miss a thing.
And listen, remember this is the last week to enter the podcast giveaway. We’re giving you a $300 spa gift card local to your area, books on burnout and rest and a Worthy sweatshirt. Please, please, please do not pass up the opportunity to take and give yourself rest. Click the link in the bio and enter the giveaway. Alright you all, see you next week.
If you found this episode helpful then you have to check out my coaching program where I provide you individualized support to create a life centered around rest. Head on over to mckoolcoaching.com, that’s M-C-K-O-O-L coaching.com to learn more.
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116. The 8 Hour Workday is sexist
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