125. “If I Don’t Do It, No One Will”...and Other Public Health Lies

Do you struggle to say no? This is one of the main reasons folks have a hard time holding boundaries and sacrificing their time and energy. This week, I break down the idea of, “If I don’t do it, no one will” and why this thought is keeping you from leading and working properly.

Volunteering for work you don’t have time for is not helping anyone and is actively harming your own peace and career. I share examples of how good changes can occur by saying “no” or allowing committees and projects to come to an end.

Discover why the thought that you have to do it all is not a fact and the origins of the idea, “If I don’t do it, no one will.” Learn why it is okay to say no, how to feel neutral about a project’s ending, and more.

My Not Your Average Productivity Course was such a success that I’ll be offering it one more time in 2023. To be the first to know of the dates as well as discounts and early bird specials, get on my email list now!

Do you want to stop working late and working through lunches? Do you want to have more control over your time? Click here to download my FREE Top 5 Calendar Tips! They are simple and effective, and you can implement them right away!


What You Will Discover:

Hey, you all, I’m Marissa McKool, and you’re listening to the Redefining Rest Podcast for Public Health Professionals. Here we believe rest is your right. You don’t have to earn it, you just have to learn how to take it and I’m going to teach you. Ready? Come along.

Hello and welcome. So glad you all are here. You tuned in because listen, this episode has been a long time coming, y'all. There's going to be, fair warning, some tough love today. But first, let's check in. How are you doing?

I am recovering from a mini financial freakout. There's just a lot happening between the wedding. We're going to UK for my 35th birthday. We want to be able to buy a house next year. I'm working to grow the revenue in my business and so many other things. I had a little bit of a freakout, but I moved past it. I'm feeling much better.

It is the end of the day for me though. So I do feel a little loopy. Like, I definitely know after this is the last thing I can do today. I can feel it in my body. I can feel it in my head. The fogginess is coming on. My eyes are getting tight. So I'm closing the laptop after this.

But that's to say if I get a little off track or sound a little wacky, that might be why. I'm hitting the finish line for today for me. Here's why I wanted to do this particular podcast episode. I cannot count how many times someone I have coached has said to me when we're talking about reducing their workload or getting asked to do more. They've said well if I don't do it, no one will.

Listen, I used to think that too. So this tough love is not shaming or blaming you. Whether it's you want to step down from a committee, or you know that meetings, you're the one always volunteering to take on the work even though you don't have time. Or you feel bad saying no when you're asked to cover for a colleague or your boss or a million other examples.

This is probably one of the top reasons people in public health, especially women, struggle to say no, get work off your plate, set and hold boundaries. It is one of the biggest barriers you are facing with having less work and having more time.

First, if I don't do it, no one will and other similar versions of that are just thoughts. This is not a fact. Now I know, you have a lot of evidence that your brain has amassed that makes this feel true. Well, so and so started grad school recently. Or I know they have two young kids. They probably can't take on more. Well, no one volunteered in the first place. So no one else is going to take it over. So many other things.

If we think of your brain as a courtroom, the lawyer arguing that no one else will do it if you don't has been talking on the floor for far too long. They've had plenty of time to display their evidence. You have not let the other lawyer talk or show evidence. How could it not be true that no one else will do it? Have you asked every single person at your job or organization if they'll do it, every single one? Probably not.

How do you know that new hire who started three months ago might actually be interested? How do you know the new hire that might start in six months might take it up? You don't. If I don't do it, no one will is not a fact. It is a thought. It's a thought that is keeping you stuck. Stuck leading a committee you don't have time for, stuck volunteering in a role you are no longer interested in, stuck doing tedious work that isn't the most valuable use of your time that someone else could be doing, or that doesn't really need to be getting done. That could go on pause.

Let's zoom out for a second and look at the origin of this belief. Now, of course, I don't have the exact like who's the first person who ever said this or had the slot in public health. That's not what I mean. But I want us to look at the field of public health as a whole.

We are constantly underfunded. There is always high turnover, and many, many other existing external challenges. At the same time, it's a workforce full of people who have chosen this field because we want to help, because we care. We're not here for the fame or the money. Many of us have also received socialization that it's our role. It's our job to help others, put others first, do everything for everyone else.

So this combination is a perfect storm of limited resources and this helper mentality for you to believe you have to do it all. That you're the only one. That if you don't do it, everything will fall apart. When you are believing this, here's what's happening. You are making the structural and systemic issues of public health, of your organization, your personal problem to solve.

Let me say that again. You are making structural and systemic issues your problem to solve that are not your problem to solve. Not alone. Staying on a committee you don't have time for actually won't even solve those problems. They will not solve the structural, the systemic issue of not having enough staff, not having enough funding, not having enough leadership commitment, not having enough commitment from politics, or the policies you need, or whatever else.

It is not your individual responsibility to make up for the fact that your leadership doesn't prioritize staff retention. It is not your individual responsibility to make up for the fact that policymakers decided to cut funding. You are taking on the problems that are systemic, and you're taking on a responsibility to solve that, which is not yours to take on. Not alone and not by continuing to volunteer to do work you don't have time for. Doing that is keeping you stuck, overworking, and unhappy. Again, it doesn't solve those bigger issues.

Here's what I hear some of you saying. But people are going to be affected. Yeah, maybe. Maybe other people or groups of individuals, communities, projects. Maybe they will be impacted. But also maybe not.

How do you know that if you stepped down from, let's say, organizing a monthly community town hall because you don't have time, how do you know that will result in that community being negatively impacted? What if it positively impacted them? What if someone else from the community steps up and started to organize for something else the community actually wanted more? What if it gives the community members more time to do something else they find more valuable? You don't know.

Here's what you do know. You have too much on your plate. You don't have enough time, and you aren't enjoying this. You are stuck. That is what we know. There is a solution to step down, to say no, to offload work, to delegate, to put something on pause, so on and so forth. But you are not doing it because you're believing this little lie. If I don't do it, no one will.

Let's just say it is true no one will do it. You don't know that, but let's just go there since you're so attached to that belief. So what? I'm not saying that in a fuck it. No one matters, only care about yourself kind of way. But so what? Why is that such a bad thing if no one does it? What if that wasn't a bad thing? What if it was neutral? What if it just was what it was? Things end all the time. Projects run their course. Committee leaders serve, and then they move on.

About eight months ago, a colleague of mine reached out to start working on a paper. Was it eight months, or even longer? Maybe a year ago to start reworking on a paper that we had paused for a long time. Guess what? About five months ago, they paused it again because they have too many other things going on. That is okay. That happens.

Whether it's putting pause on a manuscript or stepping down from a committee or no longer volunteering at an organization or anything else, it doesn't take away from the impact that that work and you had when you were in that role, or when you were doing that work, or when that committee or project was in action. The majority of work projects, teams, organizations, etcetera don't last forever. They don't have to.

You are responding to the idea of stepping down or saying no and the possibility that the work or the group won't continue as if there's an apocalypse and only 30 people are left on earth. In order for 29 others to continue to survive, you have to hand feed them every day. No, no, no, that's not what's happening.

It's okay if you step down from a committee or volunteering or a project or you stop raising your hand at meetings to take on the work. It's okay if some of that work doesn't continue. It is okay if you say no and no one else says yes. The world will not end. Your career will not end. Public health will not crumble. Here are the three things you need to remember.

Number one, if I don't do it, no one well is just a thought. It's not a fact. It might not be true. Number two, even if it is true, so what? The world's not going to end. Number three, it is not your individual responsibility to solve systemic systematic issues in the field of public health or at your organization. Even if it was, you will not be able to do that by continuing to keep work on your plate you don't have time for and you're stressed out by.

Y'all, I told you I was on one. I think you really needed to hear this tough love. At least one of you out there, some of you. So here are a few examples from my career to illustrate these points.

In 2016 when I was at the CDC as a fellow, I started a professional development collective for fellows with four other people, four other fellows. The five of us started it. It is still running today seven years later, which by the way, saying that out loud makes me feel super old. I can't believe that was seven years ago, but that was beside the point.

Years before we started our group, I don't even know how many, there was apparently another organization that started. I think they were called A Plus or something. I'm not sure. They fizzled out. They stopped doing it. We only knew that they existed because we found some random paperwork. Then we tried to investigate and couldn't get much other information besides they had a similar purpose. They didn't continue. They didn't last.

But you know what? Whoever was on that group or started it them deciding not to move forward was the best thing. You know why? Because years later, myself and my colleagues were able to create an entity that was structured in a way that was created in a way that is around seven years later.

If the leads of that A Plus group, or whatever it's called, decided to keep dragging out that group, even if they didn't have time, even if it wasn't working, then me and my colleagues would have not had the opportunity to create the group, the collective that we did led by people who had the time. It was because our predecessors or the colleagues before us did say no, did step off. We're okay with the work not continuing. That opened the door for our success many, many years later.

Now were there fellows in the years in between that weren't served, that didn't have an organization for them? Maybe, maybe not. Maybe they had support from other groups outside of CDC. Maybe they formed small cohorts of peers to get support. Who knows.

People in public health, actually people in general, even outside of public health, the communities you serve. They're resourceful as hell. If you want to step down from your role and someone else really wants to continue getting some sort of support, they will figure out how without you.

In 2021 when I was at UC Berkeley, I was leading a brand new committee sexual violence/sexual harassment prevention, and I led it for two years. The main thing we did in those two years, we created principles of community statement that was adopted by the dean of the school.

When I decided I was going to step down, it was very, very likely no one was going to take over. Even though many people on the committee had learned so much about sexual violence prevention, I was really the only one who had work experience in it and training in it formally for many years. Everyone on that committee was so busy. It also appeared, again I'm saying appeared, that no one was really interested.

Now, I could have freaked out and force myself to stay on, but then I wouldn't have had the time to start my coaching business on the side. I wouldn't have been happy and probably been a resentful leader, and my impact as a leader, and as a result, the outputs of the committee and the experience of people on the committee, probably would have been pretty shit.

I had to be okay with the fact that this committee, which I cared about deeply and believed in its work, might only exist for the two years I led it and then not continue. I had to be okay with that. I could have spent so much time thinking about how communities and people were going to be impacted so negatively if we didn't continue the committee, or what other people in the school would think of me or a million other things.

That lawyer, that side of the court, doesn't need more airtime. Here's what I decided to think about. The committee I led for those two years created an amazing first of its kind principles of community statement that was adopted by the dean. This was starting to be used in graduate applications, asking applicants to agree to that statement. We created that through many, many focus groups with a variety of staff, faculty, and students and a survey.

It was one of the first school wide projects that really engaged the whole school so thoughtfully. We learned a lot. We helped shape some changes in the culture there. If the committee ended after two years, that was not a failure. We had an impact. We made a difference. We made a change. Not everything that is important or impactful has to last forever.

When you're stuck in and well if I don't do it, no one will and believing that if the committee or project ends then that's a failure then you're missing out on seeing all the amazing benefits and positives and outcomes you or the project or the committee or whatever else created and have.

What is something right now you want to offload from your plate? I know you already have in mind, but you have lots of excuses as to why you can't or shouldn't. Those are just thoughts. They're not facts. They're optional. So ask yourself how could the opposite be true.

How could stepping down be the best thing for this project or this committee or this organization or this manuscript or whatever else it may be? How could it be the best thing for me? Or if you can't even get there, how could it be neutral? How could it not be bad or good? It's just neutral.

So here's some other public health lies that are in a similar vein to this that might be holding you back. I will burden them. I'm going to burn bridges. I won't get a second chance. I should always say yes to these opportunities. They'll think I'm not a team player. These are not facts. They are optional thoughts. They are not true.

Stop arguing for those beliefs, those thoughts, and start finding evidence that those thoughts are not true. That's the only way you're going to get rid of that barrier so you can actually take the actions you know you not only need but want to take to reduce your workload, have more time, reduce your stress.

So here's what I want you to do next if you're struggling with us. I have two more podcast episodes for you to listen to. They're already recorded. They're back in the archives. I promise they're a lot softer than this. Not as much tough love. Episode 68 called Why Always Saying Yes is Terrible Career Advice. Episode 69, The Reason Saying No Feels Hard. Go check those out. We'll link them below.

Now before we go, the past couple weeks I've been sharing one podcast review at the end of each episode as a huge thank you to those of you who have taken time out of I know your very busy day to rate and review the podcast. It means so much to me and my podcast production team. I just want to share it out with all of you so you know how much it means to me and that I'm reading them, and that they do make a difference. If you haven't rated and reviewed, please consider doing so.

So this is from Rachel Laflame. It says, “I just recently graduated with my MPH.” Congrats Rachel, by the way. “Worked through and did classes during the pandemic. I somehow luckily found Marissa on LinkedIn, and I love her podcast. So much great information that I really needed as a young professional and recent graduate.”

So thank you so much for reviewing the podcast. It means so much. Again, if you haven't done so yet but you have found value in any of the podcast episodes, please consider rating and reviewing. It helps us so much with spreading the podcast, making sure others can find it so we can continue this podcast every single week. So with that y'all, I'll talk to you next Monday.

If you found this episode helpful then you have to check out my coaching program where I provide you individualized support to create a life centered around rest. Head on over to mckoolcoaching.com, that’s M-C-K-O-O-L coaching.com to learn more.

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126. Five Productivity Myths

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124. 6 Reminders for Going through Tough Times