53. How to Set Staff Expectations as a Manager
The way we tend to set boundaries is from a place of believing that someone else is the problem and that they need to change. But setting effective boundaries requires you to take responsibility for what you do, while expecting the other person’s behavior to stay the same. You need to be clear and detach judgment or emotion from what you want. So how do you set boundaries as a supervisor?
Well, this is the wrong question to ask. Boundaries are about you and your behavior, but setting expectations for your staff is about them, and what is necessary for their success. When you set expectations by taking yourself out of things, you create rest for yourself and create an improved working environment for your staff.
In this episode, hear the difference between boundaries and expectations and where so many supervisors get this work wrong. Learn how to set appropriate expectations as a manager, how to take responsibility for the expectations you set, and why doing so will improve your experience as a supervisor as well as the experience of your staff.
If you want to take this work deeper and learn the tools and skills to feel better, all while having my support and guidance each step of the way, I invite you to set up a time to chat with me. Click here to grab a spot on my calendar and I can’t wait to speak to you!
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What You Will Discover:
How you might be creating unnecessary stress and exhaustion for yourself when managing staff.
The reason that staff don’t meet expectations.
What the best supervisors strive for when it comes to managing their staff.
The reason setting expectations is necessary.
How culture and value expectations could discriminate against your staff.
Some appropriate and inappropriate expectations for you to set as a manager.
How to notice where you are taking your employees’ behavior personally.
Resources:
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Rest: Why You Get More Done When You Work Less by Alex Soojung-Kim Pang
Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily and Amelia Nagoski
Full Episode Transcript:
Hey you all, I’m Marissa McKool, and you’re listening to the Redefining Rest Podcast for public health professionals. Here we believe rest is your right. You don’t have to earn it, you just have to learn how to take it and I’m going to teach you. Ready? Come along.
Welcome my friends, my fellow public health champions. How are you all? I love you all so much. I just want to say that. I love meeting you. I love connecting with you on LinkedIn, on Instagram, I love hearing from you. I’m so glad this work resonates. I love our community. Maybe one day we can do an in person event, a coaching event. Would you all like that? Let me know. I think that would be really fun, or even a virtual one.
Before we get in the episode today, well, first I just want to say it’s a beautiful day. I hope it’s beautiful where you are, no matter what the weather is. I hope what you choose to do today is with intention and you get some time to rest. And remember, on this podcast we get to define rest for ourselves. So today rest for me is I’m actually going to go on a hike with my dog, just me and my dog so I get some time to free think. It’s actually stopped raining, so it is sunny which is nice. And then I’m going to get some stuff done.
And I’m going to let myself take my pace and not worrying about doing it all, or getting it done in a certain amount of time. And I’m just going to let myself get to it. How are you going to rest today? Speaking of rest, this is really, really important you all. Today, May 2nd is the last day to enter the Rest giveaway. It’s your last chance. If you’ve been thinking about it, if you haven’t done it, if you’ve done it but want to get more points, you all, this is your last chance.
If you are listening the day this podcast comes out which is May 2nd, you still have time to enter the giveaway or to increase your chances of winning the giveaway. The giveaway includes a $150 gift card to a local spa. Or you could win two books that I personally recommend, one is on burnout, and one is on rest. Or an amazing Health Equity Matters sweatshirt from my friend, Omari Richins of the Public Health Millennial. So, stay tuned to the end of the episode where I’ll share how you enter or how you get more points if you’ve already entered for your last chance to win one of these amazing prizes.
Okay, so let’s get into the episode and let’s talk a little bit about staff expectations as a manager. So, let’s talk about setting expectations as a supervisor or manager for your staff or your direct. A few weeks ago I did an episode on how to set boundaries. I got a lot of feedback about how helpful it was, which I’m not surprised because the way we have been taught to set boundaries and the way we are setting boundaries aren’t useful at all. They create more stress and more anxiety.
So, the way you need to set boundaries appropriately requires you to change your whole thinking about what a boundary is and why. So, a lot of you found that helpful and I’m so glad you did. And if you weren’t able to listen or a new listener, you can definitely go back at a later time and check that out. I also have had some questions about how is that the same or different process when you’re a supervisor? So today we’re going to talk about setting expectations as a manager and how that is different than setting boundaries.
Quick review on boundaries. The way we tend to talk about and set boundaries is from a place of believing the purpose is so the other person changes. Believing the other person is the problem and needs to change. For example, setting a boundary for someone not to call you and then you get upset every time they do call you. Of course, they are going to keep doing that behavior. You can’t control them. And the purpose of setting a boundary isn’t to make someone else change.
Effective boundaries start with not judging the other person for their choices or behaviors and accepting someone else’s choices and behaviors fully. And then believing a 100% that they will not change and that is okay, that’s not the goal of the boundary. Knowing it’s not your job to get them to change, and believing you don’t need them to change to feel better.
So, from there then you decide what you want to experience and be around without judgment for the other people or person, decide what you will do when someone else makes a choice or behavior you have decided you don’t want to be around. And take that action and continue to take that action every time the other person continues to do what they’re going to do because they’re not going to change.
A boundary is not about telling someone else what they need to do and then taking it personally or getting upset when they don’t do it, and trying to force form, or manipulate them to change so you can feel better. Boundaries are taking responsibility for what you will do and do that every time and expect that the other person will stay the same. So, with that review the question then comes.
Well, what about when you’re a supervisor? If you are a supervisor of course you can have boundaries as a human being. But typically, when someone’s asking this question, they’re really asking, how do I set boundaries as a supervisor? And I think that’s the wrong question because should you or are you creating boundaries with employees? Remember, when you’re creating boundaries, boundaries are about you and your behavior.
And when you’re a manager your role has to do with the behavior, behavior change, output of your staff. So, this when you’re wearing your supervisor hat, it’s not about setting a boundary but setting an expectation. So, expectations for employees, expectations for your staff are what is expected of that person, of their role and their responsibilities in that role. Expectations should be set based on the job responsibilities, the position role. And we could even say organizational culture or values, and we’ll get to that in a second.
But expectations should not be set based on your personal desires or opinions of what’s right or wrong, good, or bad, or how you feel personally. So let me give an example. If you supervise an administrative assistant whose role is to help organize schedules, process reimbursements, book travel etc., an expectation set based on their role might be process reimbursements within14 days of receiving documentation. An expectation would not be, hey, don’t bring fish to lunch and don’t eat fish for lunch because it creates a smell in the office.
Because that piece, the ‘expectation’ of I expect you not to bring fish in and eat fish for lunch isn’t an expectation because that does not have to do with their position or their functionality. That has to do with you, and what you think, and how you feel about that behavior. When you make expectations based on the position, on the job, on the organizational needs without your personal bias, or judgments, or opinions on what’s right or wrong, or necessarily what’s easier for you or best for you.
Then there’s no need to get emotionally upset or take things personally when that expectation isn’t met. And guess what? It’s not going not be met, at least not originally, or initially. It’s going to take some time. So, when you set expectations, which by the way is your work, your job as a supervisor, setting expectations is about the job functions, the goal of the job, the work itself. And yes, there can be an element of workplace values and culture. And I’m going to talk about that separately in a second.
But when you are setting expectations you need to be really specific, 90-95% of the time, staff do not meet expectations or expectations fail because the supervisor is not specific enough. Saying, “I expect you to turn in your draft manuscript in time,” not specific or clear enough. Saying, “I expect you to turn in the draft manuscript by Friday,” again still not specific and clear enough. “I expect you to turn in the draft manuscript by 5:00pm.” Now, that might be clear for the deadline, but can you get more specific?
Do you want it emailed? Who do you want it emailed to? What do you want to include in it? It sounds really tedious and ‘unnecessary.’ And some of you might even think, well, they’re going to think that I’m treating them like a child. No, the reason it’s necessary is to ensure that expectations can be met which is to the benefit of your staff. And to set expectations you need to look at what is required for this staff member to succeed in this role and meet the role goals or their goals? What is required for their work to be effective and meet the goals of the position?
Focus on the role and the work of the position and the position goals. This is super important because your staff may say things or do things you personally do not like, that you wouldn’t do, that’s not your preference. But you need to separate that from your role as a manager. Again, back to the prior example. You may not like the smell of fish in the office. You might even say, “It distracts me. It makes it hard for me to work. Other people are upset by it.”
But as a manager when you look at your staff and that behavior, them eating or not eating fish in the office has no bearing on their job responsibilities, on them getting their work done, on them meeting their position expectations. If you feel this behavior has a bearing on you, you being able to get your work done, that is your responsibility, not the staff members. Your actions might include removing yourself, working somewhere else, getting an air freshener in your office. But it’s not about requiring them to not eat fish in the office.
That is not an appropriate expectation to set as a manager. Sure, you can make the request, but I want you to be honest that the request isn’t to help the staff member be better at their job. Isn’t really a request as a manager supporting their staff. It’s a request for you and your personal desires. And then you need to look at why is this expectation needed? The why is so important because it helps you evaluate. The example we just gave about expectation of bringing fish for lunch.
If you asked yourself why, why is that important? Why is that related to the job you would figure out it’s now. You would see your own kind of personal desires entangled in there. The why helps you evaluate first, is this a neutral expectation related to the job itself or am I trying to impose my own beliefs and desires here? And two, is the reason for the expectation sufficient enough to expect it or require it?
So as an example, let’s say you have an expectation that a staff member that are your direct doesn’t ask you questions in between your one-on-one meetings. And that they need to wait until the meeting to do so or figure out the answer to their question on their own beforehand. So, if that’s the expectation the question would be why? And maybe let’s say your reason is, well, they can practice problem solving on their own. The first question is, is this neutral and necessary for their job or do I have a personal agenda here?
If it’s a personal agenda you might notice if you want to set this because you find their questions disruptive. Then that isn’t an expectation for them and their role. That is something you want for your benefit. And you’re just using the cover of, it will help them grow. You need to be really honest and catch yourself there. Maybe it will help them grow but if you are setting that expectation for the real reason of what you want and your personal desires, that’s not an appropriate expectation and you need to work that out first.
If it's truly neutral it might look like recognizing that that staff member asking questions actually isn’t a problem. There’s not right or wrong with that. But that employee would benefit from learning how to problem solve on their own. You’re fine answering the questions. You’re fine with them coming to you. You’re not making a problem for you, you’re not making it mean that they’re causing you to have less time in your job. You’re not making it about you but you’re really looking at it only and solely from the benefit of the employee for having that expectation, the benefit of their job.
And then ask, is the reason sufficient enough to require it? Maybe them learning to problem solve on their own is a core element to the success of that role, of them in that role and the output. In that case it might be sufficient enough to require it but maybe it’s not. Maybe it’s because while they would maybe benefit from problem solving on their own, it doesn’t actually have an impact in the quality or efficiency of their work. So essentially it comes down to a few simple questions.
First, is this about me or about them? Am I trying to pretend it’s about them when it’s really about me? Is this expectation nice to have or is it a need to have expectation? Those are really important questions that give you a structure and a guide for evaluating and seeing, is this an appropriate, and necessary, and useful expectation?
So, let’s talk quickly about culture and value expectations because you might. You might be tempted to, you might want to, you might be already setting expectations with the frame of this is based on our organizational culture or values. But those really do need to be done with a lot of thought and care because they can be easily used intentionally or not to both exclude people or even discriminate against some staff. Or have your own agenda be met under the guise of this is a culture and value expectation for the organization.
So, if one of your organizational values is honesty, you can set an expectation about honesty, but you have to go through the same exact process of questioning it and understanding your why and really assessing if it’s necessary if it’s clear. If the organization has an open workspace and therefore part of the culture is collaboration, whether that was intentional or not, no matter the directionality. Be clear about that expectation as it relates to collaboration, be very specific and not vague and go through those questions I listed above.
Just because you have an open workspace doesn’t mean for someone’s specific role and their position there should be an expectation set for them to engage with colleagues on that open floor plan and not go to a work study room most of the time. You have to go through those questions of why am I asking this? Is it related to their job responsibilities and the success in their job or something else? This is really, really important.
So, with that in mind let’s talk about what happens after you’ve set or determined the expectation and you’ve gone through the work of making sure it’s appropriate. You need to determine what happens when the expectation is not met. So, you on your own determine what the expectation is and make sure it’s necessary and appropriate. And then you communicate that of course to your staff. But even before you communicate it to your staff you need to first on your own determine what will happen when it won’t be met.
And you need to set the expectation with the assumption it won’t be met because they won’t. People make mistakes, they need time to learn. If you set the expectation with the idea it will just be done perfectly because you explained it perfectly enough, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment and so much drama and wasted energy. Know that the expectation won’t be met and that’s part of the work. Determine what will happen when that expectation is not met. What will you say and do? And what do you expect the employee says and does in return?
And your first thought depending on your experience and your organization, and what you’ve experienced on the other side of it when this has happened to you as a staff, your immediate response to these questions might be more of a punitive mindset. And then giving them a lecture or explaining again why it’s so important. Or even saying you might get written up. And giving some kind of messages that you feel like will encourage them to take it seriously. But really are kind of more punitive and even threat based, those won’t work.
So, I encourage you, I strongly encourage you to answer these questions from the lens of understanding why the expectation’s not being met, and not punitive. And the punitive piece can be really sneaky. So, you need to be honest with yourself, why you’re asking the question in that way and what the answer you’re looking to get, or the result you’re looking to get. If your result is just to get them to do it better and do it right, you’re missing an important piece. Part of the result should be understanding why the expectation is not being met.
If your employee isn’t following or meeting the expectation there is a reason why. And that needs to be explored with curiosity, and compassion, and empathy. The best supervisors strive to understand the reason why. They’re looking for the why, not to judge, or criticize, or punish but to help the employee overcome that and to learn better what their employee needs. The worst supervisors don’t try to understand the why and don’t help when they do even know the why or are given the why.
For example, if you tell an employee you expect them to respond to emails in one to two business days, what are you going to ask when that’s not met? Maybe it’s, “Well, what is making it difficult for you to meet this expectation?” Notice how that question is seeking to understand. Maybe it’s, “What needs to happen for you to be able to meet this expectation?” Again, this is understanding the why, not punitively speaking. Or, “What do you need me to do in order to support you and help you meet this expectation?” Again, understanding the why.
And maybe what you decide you will do, the action you will take for you as a supervisor will be to review how you were not clear enough setting the expectation. And clarify any misunderstanding in communication and take responsibility as a supervisor. Be clear about what you can and cannot do and why, and communicate that. Be clear about the next steps. And maybe you expect that the staff will respond with honesty and openness, that they will cocreate a solution with you, that they will continue to try, that they will communicate more often.
And you need to communicate these expectations to your staff, both what you’re expecting and why, and what is going to happen when they don’t meet that. And not from a punitive place. Be clear and direct about what is expected of your staff and tell them. And always assume they’re not meeting expectations, it is because you were not clear enough or did not communicate with them well enough. This is not about self-blame. It’s about responsibility. And be clear and direct about what will happen if or when the expectation is not met.
Again, you could choose to focus on the actions of you will be written up. But personally, I do not recommend this. And when you think about you as a staff member who maybe struggled or haven’t met expectations, that wouldn’t have helped you either. The punitive approach rarely works in school, at home to improve behavior. It doesn’t work in the office either. I’m not saying there isn’t a time and place to put someone on probation, or let someone go because of course there is.
But often people, supervisors jump to those extremes because they are not setting expectations appropriately. They are not providing follow-up and feedback in a way that allows the employee to succeed. So, focus on what will occur in the conversation when the expectation’s not met, the questions that are asked, the information that’s expected, the problem solving expected. If you follow this approach and are consistent with it, you will have no reason to be emotionally hurt if and when they fail to meet the expectations.
And in fact, you’ll expect to some degree they you won’t meet them and know the follow-up is your responsibility. As a supervisor your emotions should be removed from your role in setting and following up on expectations. Now, let me be very, very clear. This doesn’t mean you don’t have emotions and just be a robot. I think this is where so many folks get confused. You can have emotions. You can be curious about why they didn’t meet them. You can be empathetic about their challenges. You can be compassionate.
But what it means to not make it about you, about judging and about taking it personally means don’t go into shame and blame. Don’t judge your employee. Don’t take it personally as if they did this to hurt you. Don’t make it mean that they’re making your job so much harder and they’re the problem, and if they were just doing it perfectly then everything would be fine. No. When you do that you aren’t being a supervisor, you are being in emotional childhood. Your work in setting expectations is to make sure it’s about the employee, their role, their work, their experience, not you.
So many supervisors get this wrong because they make it about them. You need to decenter yourself here. It’s about the employee and what you need to do or what you can do as a supervisor to support them, to help them. What is the difference between taking responsibility and making it about you? As a supervisor when your staff doesn’t meet expectations you take responsibility for that by asking, “How could I be more clear next time? How was I not clear enough this time? How did I fall short providing support? How can I provide better support now?
Where did I not understand their needs?” Those type of questions allow you to take responsibility and show up in a way that helps your staff meet that expectation and grow. That form of questioning and thinking isn’t making it about you, it isn’t centering you. It’s making it about the employee and taking responsibility for your role in leading and supporting them. Making it about you and centering you sounds like I can’t believe they did that. They’re making so much more work for me. They don’t respect me. This is a problem. How do they not understand this?
I was clear, they should just get it. Maybe they’re not the right person for this job. Notice your emotions. Notice if you’re getting angry, and frustrated, and upset when your staff member doesn’t meet your expectations. Ask yourself what is that about? Why am I angry? Why am I frustrated? How am I making this about me? How am I taking this personally? Whatever comes up, that is your work to manage and address, not your employees.
And notice when you’re trying to give directive or ‘support’ to an employee, that is not for them and for you so you can feel better, so you can get out of your own anger, or frustration, or being upset, or whatever it may be. That’s your work, not your employees. Setting expectations is for your staff’s success, not yours. Setting appropriate expectations and providing the necessary level of feedback and support as their manager requires time, effort, and intention. If you are a manager this is your responsibility, to make that time, effort, and intention available.
If you find yourself telling yourself you don’t have the time, or the effort, or the intention available that is your work to resolve. Because what’s going to happen if you believe that is you’re going to get upset every time an expectation is not met. You’re going to resent all the time you spend with that employee helping them. You’re going to make it mean that they need to change so you can feel better, and that they’re a problem and their work’s a problem for you and that’s not true.
One of the things I see most from supervisors is feeling exhausted and stress from managing their staff. And they think it’s their staff’s problem, their staff is the reason, whether it’s the amount of staff they have, or who their staff is, or what they’re doing that is causing their stress and exhaustion. That exhaustion, that stress is not because managing people is exhausting, it’s because the way you are trying to manage your staff is exhausting. It’s not because the staff are stressful, it’s because the way you are managing your staff and thinking about your staff is stressful.
It's your mind drama that’s exhausting. It’s your thoughts that are creating your stress. It’s avoiding your own work on your emotions. Once you start to set expectations in the way I have outlined it. Which has to do about the employee and what’s necessary for their success and take your shit out of it, separate your mental and emotional drama from it, you save energy and time in tenfold. And guess what?
Your staff will improve far faster and far bigger than if you’re trying to manage them from a place where you’re making it all about you and making them, and who they are, and what they’re doing a problem for you. And you improve as a supervisor and the environment on your team improves and the environment in the whole organization improves. When you set expectations by taking yourself out of it, you create rest for yourself. By eliminating the mental drama that drains your energy, by conserving brain energy to use on a more useful task like your own work.
By creating more time because you aren’t wasting it on your mind drama thinking about, and complaining about, and ranting about, and ruminating about your staff. Tangling up how you manage your staff and what your staff need to do with you and your drama, and what it means about you, creates so much unnecessary stress and exhaustion. Undoing all that doesn’t only create more opportunities of rest but itself, doing that is restful because you’re no longer burning your brain energy inefficiently and not effectively, and unnecessarily on managing your staff.
And here is the other piece I want to point out, when you do this you show up in so much more love, and compassion, and encouragement, and empowerment for your staff. You’re able to see all of your staff’s strengths. You’re able to see all of what they can accomplish. You’re able to see so much more than they can even see about what’s possible for them, about what they can do. And you work with them, and you set expectations, and you engage with them in a way that brings that energy.
It helps them believe in themselves and want to work harder and want to resolve challenges. And want to work with you to do that and feel fully supported to do that. And they get better. And you feel better doing it. Coming to one-on-one meetings or working with staff even on expectations or when they aren’t met from a place of compassion, and curiosity, and love, and empowerment, and confidence in your staff, and belief in them. That feels so much better for you than coming to it with resentment, and dread, and frustration.
That’s not helpful, that’s wasting so much time and energy. And it’s so unnecessary. And also know that when you show up your staff is experiencing you that way. Do you want your staff to experience you coming with resentment, and dread, and frustration or with excitement, and compassion, and understanding, and belief in them, and empowering them? How would you want your own supervisor to show up for you?
Do you want them to come to your one-on-one meetings with resentment, and dread and frustration? Or show up in full belief that you can achieve this, that you can do more than you ever thought was possible, that you are capable, that you are able? And that your supervisor is going to do whatever they can to support that. How does it feel when you’re engaging with a supervisor who believes in you 100% and is working with you to help you meet expectations, not out of the belief you can’t do it but out of the belief you can? And they are certain about that even if you’re not yet.
That makes such a big difference in the employees’ ability to improve. And their desire to continue working there. And their commitment to that work in the organization. And to the culture of your team and your organization. That is your work as a supervisor, to believe in your employee always and see the best in them. And set, and explain expectations and follow through and give follow-up in a way that allows you to do that. That is what being a supervisor is about. And this whole process I just went through will help you do that, it’s so, so important.
It will improve your experience as a supervisor and the staff. And it will improve your staff, and your team, and your organization tenfold.
Okay, you all, wait, before you go, don’t hit pause, don’t hit stop, don’t exit yet. Make sure if you are listening to this on May 2nd, you still have a chance to enter the giveaway or to increase your chances of winning the Rest giveaway. Again, remember you could win one of three amazing prices. A spa gift card, some books to help you eliminate your burnout and get more rest or a really cool Health Equity Matters sweatshirt. So, we’re going to leave a link in the show notes where you can enter the giveaway.
All you have to do, it’s super simple, is enter your name and email. And you get a certain amount of points for doing that. Now, the winners, the three winners are going to be those with the most points. So, here’s how you can get more points. After you enter your name and email, in that same giveaway portal it’s going to tell you, it’s going to be super easy, it’s going to be very clear. It’s going to say, “Hey, wait, rate and review to get more points.” Rate and review the podcast through the portal to get even more points.
And once you do that through the portal again, it’s very simple, it’s very clear. You can post to LinkedIn, post to Instagram, post to Facebook and elsewhere to get even more points so that you have a chance to win. And I should say, winners are going to be announced next week on the podcast, on the May 9th podcast. And if you do win of course you’ll get an email letting you know and making sure you get your prize. So go ahead and go do that right now, don’t forget.
If it’s May 2nd if you’re listening to this the day this comes out, you still have a chance. Don’t miss it, you deserve rest, you deserve these gifts, you deserve these prizes. Let yourself deserve it and go ahead and enter and increase your chances of winning by doing all the bonus things like rating and reviewing, and sharing. I can’t wait to announce who wins next week. I am literally so excited. See you all then. Bye.
If you found this episode helpful then you have to check out my coaching program where I provide you individualized support to create a life centered around rest. Head on over to mckoolcoaching.com, that’s M-C-K-O-O-L coaching.com to learn more.
Welcome my friends, my fellow public health champions. How are you all? I love you all so much. I just want to say that. I love meeting you. I love connecting with you on LinkedIn, on Instagram, I love hearing from you. I’m so glad this work resonates. I love our community. Maybe one day we can do an in person event, a coaching event. Would you all like that? Let me know. I think that would be really fun, or even a virtual one.
Before we get in the episode today, well, first I just want to say it’s a beautiful day. I hope it’s beautiful where you are, no matter what the weather is. I hope what you choose to do today is with intention and you get some time to rest. And remember, on this podcast we get to define rest for ourselves. So today rest for me is I’m actually going to go on a hike with my dog, just me and my dog so I get some time to free think. It’s actually stopped raining, so it is sunny which is nice. And then I’m going to get some stuff done.
And I’m going to let myself take my pace and not worrying about doing it all, or getting it done in a certain amount of time. And I’m just going to let myself get to it. How are you going to rest today? Speaking of rest, this is really, really important you all. Today, May 2nd is the last day to enter the Rest giveaway. It’s your last chance. If you’ve been thinking about it, if you haven’t done it, if you’ve done it but want to get more points, you all, this is your last chance.
If you are listening the day this podcast comes out which is May 2nd, you still have time to enter the giveaway or to increase your chances of winning the giveaway. The giveaway includes a $150 gift card to a local spa. Or you could win two books that I personally recommend, one is on burnout, and one is on rest. Or an amazing Health Equity Matters sweatshirt from my friend, Omari Richins of the Public Health Millennial. So, stay tuned to the end of the episode where I’ll share how you enter or how you get more points if you’ve already entered for your last chance to win one of these amazing prizes.
Okay, so let’s get into the episode and let’s talk a little bit about staff expectations as a manager. So, let’s talk about setting expectations as a supervisor or manager for your staff or your direct. A few weeks ago I did an episode on how to set boundaries. I got a lot of feedback about how helpful it was, which I’m not surprised because the way we have been taught to set boundaries and the way we are setting boundaries aren’t useful at all. They create more stress and more anxiety.
So, the way you need to set boundaries appropriately requires you to change your whole thinking about what a boundary is and why. So, a lot of you found that helpful and I’m so glad you did. And if you weren’t able to listen or a new listener, you can definitely go back at a later time and check that out. I also have had some questions about how is that the same or different process when you’re a supervisor? So today we’re going to talk about setting expectations as a manager and how that is different than setting boundaries.
Quick review on boundaries. The way we tend to talk about and set boundaries is from a place of believing the purpose is so the other person changes. Believing the other person is the problem and needs to change. For example, setting a boundary for someone not to call you and then you get upset every time they do call you. Of course, they are going to keep doing that behavior. You can’t control them. And the purpose of setting a boundary isn’t to make someone else change.
Effective boundaries start with not judging the other person for their choices or behaviors and accepting someone else’s choices and behaviors fully. And then believing a 100% that they will not change and that is okay, that’s not the goal of the boundary. Knowing it’s not your job to get them to change, and believing you don’t need them to change to feel better.
So, from there then you decide what you want to experience and be around without judgment for the other people or person, decide what you will do when someone else makes a choice or behavior you have decided you don’t want to be around. And take that action and continue to take that action every time the other person continues to do what they’re going to do because they’re not going to change.
A boundary is not about telling someone else what they need to do and then taking it personally or getting upset when they don’t do it, and trying to force form, or manipulate them to change so you can feel better. Boundaries are taking responsibility for what you will do and do that every time and expect that the other person will stay the same. So, with that review the question then comes.
Well, what about when you’re a supervisor? If you are a supervisor of course you can have boundaries as a human being. But typically, when someone’s asking this question, they’re really asking, how do I set boundaries as a supervisor? And I think that’s the wrong question because should you or are you creating boundaries with employees? Remember, when you’re creating boundaries, boundaries are about you and your behavior.
And when you’re a manager your role has to do with the behavior, behavior change, output of your staff. So, this when you’re wearing your supervisor hat, it’s not about setting a boundary but setting an expectation. So, expectations for employees, expectations for your staff are what is expected of that person, of their role and their responsibilities in that role. Expectations should be set based on the job responsibilities, the position role. And we could even say organizational culture or values, and we’ll get to that in a second.
But expectations should not be set based on your personal desires or opinions of what’s right or wrong, good, or bad, or how you feel personally. So let me give an example. If you supervise an administrative assistant whose role is to help organize schedules, process reimbursements, book travel etc., an expectation set based on their role might be process reimbursements within14 days of receiving documentation. An expectation would not be, hey, don’t bring fish to lunch and don’t eat fish for lunch because it creates a smell in the office.
Because that piece, the ‘expectation’ of I expect you not to bring fish in and eat fish for lunch isn’t an expectation because that does not have to do with their position or their functionality. That has to do with you, and what you think, and how you feel about that behavior. When you make expectations based on the position, on the job, on the organizational needs without your personal bias, or judgments, or opinions on what’s right or wrong, or necessarily what’s easier for you or best for you.
Then there’s no need to get emotionally upset or take things personally when that expectation isn’t met. And guess what? It’s not going not be met, at least not originally, or initially. It’s going to take some time. So, when you set expectations, which by the way is your work, your job as a supervisor, setting expectations is about the job functions, the goal of the job, the work itself. And yes, there can be an element of workplace values and culture. And I’m going to talk about that separately in a second.
But when you are setting expectations you need to be really specific, 90-95% of the time, staff do not meet expectations or expectations fail because the supervisor is not specific enough. Saying, “I expect you to turn in your draft manuscript in time,” not specific or clear enough. Saying, “I expect you to turn in the draft manuscript by Friday,” again still not specific and clear enough. “I expect you to turn in the draft manuscript by 5:00pm.” Now, that might be clear for the deadline, but can you get more specific?
Do you want it emailed? Who do you want it emailed to? What do you want to include in it? It sounds really tedious and ‘unnecessary.’ And some of you might even think, well, they’re going to think that I’m treating them like a child. No, the reason it’s necessary is to ensure that expectations can be met which is to the benefit of your staff. And to set expectations you need to look at what is required for this staff member to succeed in this role and meet the role goals or their goals? What is required for their work to be effective and meet the goals of the position?
Focus on the role and the work of the position and the position goals. This is super important because your staff may say things or do things you personally do not like, that you wouldn’t do, that’s not your preference. But you need to separate that from your role as a manager. Again, back to the prior example. You may not like the smell of fish in the office. You might even say, “It distracts me. It makes it hard for me to work. Other people are upset by it.”
But as a manager when you look at your staff and that behavior, them eating or not eating fish in the office has no bearing on their job responsibilities, on them getting their work done, on them meeting their position expectations. If you feel this behavior has a bearing on you, you being able to get your work done, that is your responsibility, not the staff members. Your actions might include removing yourself, working somewhere else, getting an air freshener in your office. But it’s not about requiring them to not eat fish in the office.
That is not an appropriate expectation to set as a manager. Sure, you can make the request, but I want you to be honest that the request isn’t to help the staff member be better at their job. Isn’t really a request as a manager supporting their staff. It’s a request for you and your personal desires. And then you need to look at why is this expectation needed? The why is so important because it helps you evaluate. The example we just gave about expectation of bringing fish for lunch.
If you asked yourself why, why is that important? Why is that related to the job you would figure out it’s now. You would see your own kind of personal desires entangled in there. The why helps you evaluate first, is this a neutral expectation related to the job itself or am I trying to impose my own beliefs and desires here? And two, is the reason for the expectation sufficient enough to expect it or require it?
So as an example, let’s say you have an expectation that a staff member that are your direct doesn’t ask you questions in between your one-on-one meetings. And that they need to wait until the meeting to do so or figure out the answer to their question on their own beforehand. So, if that’s the expectation the question would be why? And maybe let’s say your reason is, well, they can practice problem solving on their own. The first question is, is this neutral and necessary for their job or do I have a personal agenda here?
If it’s a personal agenda you might notice if you want to set this because you find their questions disruptive. Then that isn’t an expectation for them and their role. That is something you want for your benefit. And you’re just using the cover of, it will help them grow. You need to be really honest and catch yourself there. Maybe it will help them grow but if you are setting that expectation for the real reason of what you want and your personal desires, that’s not an appropriate expectation and you need to work that out first.
If it's truly neutral it might look like recognizing that that staff member asking questions actually isn’t a problem. There’s not right or wrong with that. But that employee would benefit from learning how to problem solve on their own. You’re fine answering the questions. You’re fine with them coming to you. You’re not making a problem for you, you’re not making it mean that they’re causing you to have less time in your job. You’re not making it about you but you’re really looking at it only and solely from the benefit of the employee for having that expectation, the benefit of their job.
And then ask, is the reason sufficient enough to require it? Maybe them learning to problem solve on their own is a core element to the success of that role, of them in that role and the output. In that case it might be sufficient enough to require it but maybe it’s not. Maybe it’s because while they would maybe benefit from problem solving on their own, it doesn’t actually have an impact in the quality or efficiency of their work. So essentially it comes down to a few simple questions.
First, is this about me or about them? Am I trying to pretend it’s about them when it’s really about me? Is this expectation nice to have or is it a need to have expectation? Those are really important questions that give you a structure and a guide for evaluating and seeing, is this an appropriate, and necessary, and useful expectation?
So, let’s talk quickly about culture and value expectations because you might. You might be tempted to, you might want to, you might be already setting expectations with the frame of this is based on our organizational culture or values. But those really do need to be done with a lot of thought and care because they can be easily used intentionally or not to both exclude people or even discriminate against some staff. Or have your own agenda be met under the guise of this is a culture and value expectation for the organization.
So, if one of your organizational values is honesty, you can set an expectation about honesty, but you have to go through the same exact process of questioning it and understanding your why and really assessing if it’s necessary if it’s clear. If the organization has an open workspace and therefore part of the culture is collaboration, whether that was intentional or not, no matter the directionality. Be clear about that expectation as it relates to collaboration, be very specific and not vague and go through those questions I listed above.
Just because you have an open workspace doesn’t mean for someone’s specific role and their position there should be an expectation set for them to engage with colleagues on that open floor plan and not go to a work study room most of the time. You have to go through those questions of why am I asking this? Is it related to their job responsibilities and the success in their job or something else? This is really, really important.
So, with that in mind let’s talk about what happens after you’ve set or determined the expectation and you’ve gone through the work of making sure it’s appropriate. You need to determine what happens when the expectation is not met. So, you on your own determine what the expectation is and make sure it’s necessary and appropriate. And then you communicate that of course to your staff. But even before you communicate it to your staff you need to first on your own determine what will happen when it won’t be met.
And you need to set the expectation with the assumption it won’t be met because they won’t. People make mistakes, they need time to learn. If you set the expectation with the idea it will just be done perfectly because you explained it perfectly enough, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment and so much drama and wasted energy. Know that the expectation won’t be met and that’s part of the work. Determine what will happen when that expectation is not met. What will you say and do? And what do you expect the employee says and does in return?
And your first thought depending on your experience and your organization, and what you’ve experienced on the other side of it when this has happened to you as a staff, your immediate response to these questions might be more of a punitive mindset. And then giving them a lecture or explaining again why it’s so important. Or even saying you might get written up. And giving some kind of messages that you feel like will encourage them to take it seriously. But really are kind of more punitive and even threat based, those won’t work.
So, I encourage you, I strongly encourage you to answer these questions from the lens of understanding why the expectation’s not being met, and not punitive. And the punitive piece can be really sneaky. So, you need to be honest with yourself, why you’re asking the question in that way and what the answer you’re looking to get, or the result you’re looking to get. If your result is just to get them to do it better and do it right, you’re missing an important piece. Part of the result should be understanding why the expectation is not being met.
If your employee isn’t following or meeting the expectation there is a reason why. And that needs to be explored with curiosity, and compassion, and empathy. The best supervisors strive to understand the reason why. They’re looking for the why, not to judge, or criticize, or punish but to help the employee overcome that and to learn better what their employee needs. The worst supervisors don’t try to understand the why and don’t help when they do even know the why or are given the why.
For example, if you tell an employee you expect them to respond to emails in one to two business days, what are you going to ask when that’s not met? Maybe it’s, “Well, what is making it difficult for you to meet this expectation?” Notice how that question is seeking to understand. Maybe it’s, “What needs to happen for you to be able to meet this expectation?” Again, this is understanding the why, not punitively speaking. Or, “What do you need me to do in order to support you and help you meet this expectation?” Again, understanding the why.
And maybe what you decide you will do, the action you will take for you as a supervisor will be to review how you were not clear enough setting the expectation. And clarify any misunderstanding in communication and take responsibility as a supervisor. Be clear about what you can and cannot do and why, and communicate that. Be clear about the next steps. And maybe you expect that the staff will respond with honesty and openness, that they will cocreate a solution with you, that they will continue to try, that they will communicate more often.
And you need to communicate these expectations to your staff, both what you’re expecting and why, and what is going to happen when they don’t meet that. And not from a punitive place. Be clear and direct about what is expected of your staff and tell them. And always assume they’re not meeting expectations, it is because you were not clear enough or did not communicate with them well enough. This is not about self-blame. It’s about responsibility. And be clear and direct about what will happen if or when the expectation is not met.
Again, you could choose to focus on the actions of you will be written up. But personally, I do not recommend this. And when you think about you as a staff member who maybe struggled or haven’t met expectations, that wouldn’t have helped you either. The punitive approach rarely works in school, at home to improve behavior. It doesn’t work in the office either. I’m not saying there isn’t a time and place to put someone on probation, or let someone go because of course there is.
But often people, supervisors jump to those extremes because they are not setting expectations appropriately. They are not providing follow-up and feedback in a way that allows the employee to succeed. So, focus on what will occur in the conversation when the expectation’s not met, the questions that are asked, the information that’s expected, the problem solving expected. If you follow this approach and are consistent with it, you will have no reason to be emotionally hurt if and when they fail to meet the expectations.
And in fact, you’ll expect to some degree they you won’t meet them and know the follow-up is your responsibility. As a supervisor your emotions should be removed from your role in setting and following up on expectations. Now, let me be very, very clear. This doesn’t mean you don’t have emotions and just be a robot. I think this is where so many folks get confused. You can have emotions. You can be curious about why they didn’t meet them. You can be empathetic about their challenges. You can be compassionate.
But what it means to not make it about you, about judging and about taking it personally means don’t go into shame and blame. Don’t judge your employee. Don’t take it personally as if they did this to hurt you. Don’t make it mean that they’re making your job so much harder and they’re the problem, and if they were just doing it perfectly then everything would be fine. No. When you do that you aren’t being a supervisor, you are being in emotional childhood. Your work in setting expectations is to make sure it’s about the employee, their role, their work, their experience, not you.
So many supervisors get this wrong because they make it about them. You need to decenter yourself here. It’s about the employee and what you need to do or what you can do as a supervisor to support them, to help them. What is the difference between taking responsibility and making it about you? As a supervisor when your staff doesn’t meet expectations you take responsibility for that by asking, “How could I be more clear next time? How was I not clear enough this time? How did I fall short providing support? How can I provide better support now?
Where did I not understand their needs?” Those type of questions allow you to take responsibility and show up in a way that helps your staff meet that expectation and grow. That form of questioning and thinking isn’t making it about you, it isn’t centering you. It’s making it about the employee and taking responsibility for your role in leading and supporting them. Making it about you and centering you sounds like I can’t believe they did that. They’re making so much more work for me. They don’t respect me. This is a problem. How do they not understand this?
I was clear, they should just get it. Maybe they’re not the right person for this job. Notice your emotions. Notice if you’re getting angry, and frustrated, and upset when your staff member doesn’t meet your expectations. Ask yourself what is that about? Why am I angry? Why am I frustrated? How am I making this about me? How am I taking this personally? Whatever comes up, that is your work to manage and address, not your employees.
And notice when you’re trying to give directive or ‘support’ to an employee, that is not for them and for you so you can feel better, so you can get out of your own anger, or frustration, or being upset, or whatever it may be. That’s your work, not your employees. Setting expectations is for your staff’s success, not yours. Setting appropriate expectations and providing the necessary level of feedback and support as their manager requires time, effort, and intention. If you are a manager this is your responsibility, to make that time, effort, and intention available.
If you find yourself telling yourself you don’t have the time, or the effort, or the intention available that is your work to resolve. Because what’s going to happen if you believe that is you’re going to get upset every time an expectation is not met. You’re going to resent all the time you spend with that employee helping them. You’re going to make it mean that they need to change so you can feel better, and that they’re a problem and their work’s a problem for you and that’s not true.
One of the things I see most from supervisors is feeling exhausted and stress from managing their staff. And they think it’s their staff’s problem, their staff is the reason, whether it’s the amount of staff they have, or who their staff is, or what they’re doing that is causing their stress and exhaustion. That exhaustion, that stress is not because managing people is exhausting, it’s because the way you are trying to manage your staff is exhausting. It’s not because the staff are stressful, it’s because the way you are managing your staff and thinking about your staff is stressful.
It's your mind drama that’s exhausting. It’s your thoughts that are creating your stress. It’s avoiding your own work on your emotions. Once you start to set expectations in the way I have outlined it. Which has to do about the employee and what’s necessary for their success and take your shit out of it, separate your mental and emotional drama from it, you save energy and time in tenfold. And guess what?
Your staff will improve far faster and far bigger than if you’re trying to manage them from a place where you’re making it all about you and making them, and who they are, and what they’re doing a problem for you. And you improve as a supervisor and the environment on your team improves and the environment in the whole organization improves. When you set expectations by taking yourself out of it, you create rest for yourself. By eliminating the mental drama that drains your energy, by conserving brain energy to use on a more useful task like your own work.
By creating more time because you aren’t wasting it on your mind drama thinking about, and complaining about, and ranting about, and ruminating about your staff. Tangling up how you manage your staff and what your staff need to do with you and your drama, and what it means about you, creates so much unnecessary stress and exhaustion. Undoing all that doesn’t only create more opportunities of rest but itself, doing that is restful because you’re no longer burning your brain energy inefficiently and not effectively, and unnecessarily on managing your staff.
And here is the other piece I want to point out, when you do this you show up in so much more love, and compassion, and encouragement, and empowerment for your staff. You’re able to see all of your staff’s strengths. You’re able to see all of what they can accomplish. You’re able to see so much more than they can even see about what’s possible for them, about what they can do. And you work with them, and you set expectations, and you engage with them in a way that brings that energy.
It helps them believe in themselves and want to work harder and want to resolve challenges. And want to work with you to do that and feel fully supported to do that. And they get better. And you feel better doing it. Coming to one-on-one meetings or working with staff even on expectations or when they aren’t met from a place of compassion, and curiosity, and love, and empowerment, and confidence in your staff, and belief in them. That feels so much better for you than coming to it with resentment, and dread, and frustration.
That’s not helpful, that’s wasting so much time and energy. And it’s so unnecessary. And also know that when you show up your staff is experiencing you that way. Do you want your staff to experience you coming with resentment, and dread, and frustration or with excitement, and compassion, and understanding, and belief in them, and empowering them? How would you want your own supervisor to show up for you?
Do you want them to come to your one-on-one meetings with resentment, and dread and frustration? Or show up in full belief that you can achieve this, that you can do more than you ever thought was possible, that you are capable, that you are able? And that your supervisor is going to do whatever they can to support that. How does it feel when you’re engaging with a supervisor who believes in you 100% and is working with you to help you meet expectations, not out of the belief you can’t do it but out of the belief you can? And they are certain about that even if you’re not yet.
That makes such a big difference in the employees’ ability to improve. And their desire to continue working there. And their commitment to that work in the organization. And to the culture of your team and your organization. That is your work as a supervisor, to believe in your employee always and see the best in them. And set, and explain expectations and follow through and give follow-up in a way that allows you to do that. That is what being a supervisor is about. And this whole process I just went through will help you do that, it’s so, so important.
It will improve your experience as a supervisor and the staff. And it will improve your staff, and your team, and your organization tenfold.
Okay, you all, wait, before you go, don’t hit pause, don’t hit stop, don’t exit yet. Make sure if you are listening to this on May 2nd, you still have a chance to enter the giveaway or to increase your chances of winning the Rest giveaway. Again, remember you could win one of three amazing prices. A spa gift card, some books to help you eliminate your burnout and get more rest or a really cool Health Equity Matters sweatshirt. So, we’re going to leave a link in the show notes where you can enter the giveaway.
All you have to do, it’s super simple, is enter your name and email. And you get a certain amount of points for doing that. Now, the winners, the three winners are going to be those with the most points. So, here’s how you can get more points. After you enter your name and email, in that same giveaway portal it’s going to tell you, it’s going to be super easy, it’s going to be very clear. It’s going to say, “Hey, wait, rate and review to get more points.” Rate and review the podcast through the portal to get even more points.
And once you do that through the portal again, it’s very simple, it’s very clear. You can post to LinkedIn, post to Instagram, post to Facebook and elsewhere to get even more points so that you have a chance to win. And I should say, winners are going to be announced next week on the podcast, on the May 9th podcast. And if you do win of course you’ll get an email letting you know and making sure you get your prize. So go ahead and go do that right now, don’t forget.
If it’s May 2nd if you’re listening to this the day this comes out, you still have a chance. Don’t miss it, you deserve rest, you deserve these gifts, you deserve these prizes. Let yourself deserve it and go ahead and enter and increase your chances of winning by doing all the bonus things like rating and reviewing, and sharing. I can’t wait to announce who wins next week. I am literally so excited. See you all then. Bye.
If you found this episode helpful then you have to check out my coaching program where I provide you individualized support to create a life centered around rest. Head on over to mckoolcoaching.com, that’s M-C-K-O-O-L coaching.com to learn more.
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