117. The Never Ending To-Do List
Can you imagine getting everything done on your to-do list? Sure, it would be great, but would it bring fulfillment? To be honest, this is a false hope. We can never get it all done; there will always be something new that comes up.
Today we discuss how to get off the hamster wheel of the patriarchy. By recognizing there is no rush, you can take on your tasks as you’re able to, with your needs and rest in mind. I invite you to start unpacking your relationship to “getting it all done.”
Discover what a to-do list is and what it is not. Learn methods for recognizing your relationship to your schedule, finding time for rest, and allowing yourself the freedom of not having to accomplish it all. Also, I’m announcing the winners of my recent giveaway so tune in to find out if you won!
Ready to think differently about your productivity? Click here to join the Not Your Average Productivity Course where you will get 1-on-1 trainings, guided video lessons and more.
What You Will Discover:
Why question your to-do list.
Why your to-do list is not a measure of your value.
What a to-do list is.
Why to-do’s are a lifelong task.
Reasons the Not You Average Productivity Course may be right for you.
Resources:
Sign up for Not Your Average Productivity Course
Sign up for a Curiosity Call to find out if individual coaching can help you!
Learn more about my 1:1 coaching program here!
Follow me on Instagram!
Questions? Comments? I'd love to hear from you! Email me at info@mckoolcoaching.com
Join my weekly mailing list
Full Episode Transcript:
Hey you all, I’m Marissa McKool, and you’re listening to the Redefining Rest Podcast for Public Health Professionals. Here we believe rest is your right. You don’t have to earn it, you just have to learn how to take it and I’m going to teach you. Ready? Come along.
All right, y'all, before we jump into the podcast episode for today, this is what you've been waiting for. This is what I've been waiting for, where I announce the winners of the 2023 podcast giveaway. As a reminder, we were doing a huge podcast giveaway to celebrate the milestone of having 15,000 plus downloads on this podcast, but really to celebrate all of you who listen every single week.
And the first place prize is a $300 spa gift card. The second place prize is the books Burnout by Amelia and Emily Nagoski, and Rest is Resistance by Tricia Hersey. And the third place prize is a sweatshirt that says Worthy on it from our good friend over on Instagram, Health Equity Jazz.
But you know what, I was really thinking about it, and this whole giveaway was to celebrate the summer of rest, to help you rest, to show you rest can be fun and you can take it. And I think we can have more fun with this. I think we can go bigger and beyond what I originally planned for the giveaway. So here's the deal. Instead of each winner getting one of the prizes, you are all going to get all three prizes.
If you are a winner today, if I announce your name, you're not just going to get one prize. You're going to get all three. You're going to get the $300 spa gift card. You're going to get both books on burnout and rest, and you're going to get the worthy sweatshirt, all three prizes. But you know what?
I really don't want to stop there. It's so much fun to celebrate all of you, to lift you up, to cheer you on, to help you rest. And I just, I think we can do better than that. I think we can have so much more fun. So instead of three winners we are going to have five winners. Five of those who entered, which by the way, we had over 80 entries. Five of you are going to win all three prizes. Yes. So you can celebrate the summer of rest. It's going to be so much fun and I'm so excited.
So without further ado, let me share who those winners are. In no particular order, we have Joyce Chang, Margaret Master, Sarah Hahn, Rachel Laflame, and Nicole Hoffman.
Can we just all celebrate all of you for entering and for being able to really embrace the summer of rest? Now, if I said your name, check your email, your inbox, either by the end of today when this episode is airing, or the next day, the Tuesday following, you will have an email in your inbox telling you the next steps for how to claim your prize and the timeline you need to do that in.
Make sure to check your spam inbox, your spam folder, in case it went there. But congratulations to Joyce, Margaret, Sarah, Rachel, and Nicole. I'm so excited for all of you. I can't wait for you to get these gifts and really give yourself permission to have so much fun resting. And to everyone else who entered, I'm so proud of you for just saying, you know what, I'm going to enter and show myself I can have rest, that rest can be fun, that I can give myself to have permission to rest.
And I hope even if you didn't win, you choose to go do something fun and restful for yourself this summer. All right, without further ado, let's get into the episode.
Hello everyone. I’m so glad you hit play on this episode. I think this will help so many of you. I actually just got off a coaching call right before sitting down to record this where this exact thing came up about the never ending to-do list. So I'm so glad you're here. Happy Monday. How are you? How is your weekend? How's your summer going? I have been loving connecting with so many of you, especially on LinkedIn. If you haven't connected with me, please reach out, hit connect. I know sometimes it will say, I prefer to be followed. That's not true.
It's just LinkedIn, once you get past a certain number of connections, it automatically does that, so you can definitely still connect with me. I'd love to meet you or Instagram, so either of those, LinkedIn is Marissa McKool, Instagram is Public Health Coach. I'm also on the new Threads app. I'm recording this a couple of weeks before this airs, so hopefully that app is still going strong by the time you hear this, Public Health Coach on there. So you can come and check me out there. I'd love to hear how things are going for you.
Before we get in today's episode, I do want to remind you to register for my new, Not Your Average Productivity course. This is my brand new course, it's five weeks, it's a semi live course, which means you'll be getting weekly on demand video lessons that you can watch within your schedule, when it works best for you. But you'll also be getting a few private one-on-one coaching sessions with me and a couple of implementation worksheets.
This course is for you if you struggle to stay focused and on task or feel like you're constantly interrupted and can't get anything done, if you have little to no help, whether it's in your workplace with your job or even at home. If you feel like your calendar is so full at work with back-to-back meetings, you have no way to get other things done. If you struggle with procrastination and always feel like you're behind.
And if you want to be more productive to specifically reduce your stress, to have more time in your schedule, both to get the work done you need to get done but also to do things for you more than just work. And if you really want to achieve some personal goals, but it just feels like you have so much to do that is impossible, then this course is for you. Because it's going to help you increase your productivity and reduce your workload while prioritizing yourself and your goals without hustling, without feeling guilty, without burdening anyone else.
You're going to get simple and effective tools to stop feeling overwhelmed, create motivation. And listen, this isn't about denying the real challenges you face in public health such as low staffing or high turnover or challenging bosses. It's about giving you tools to get your work done faster, more effectively, more efficiently no matter what's on your plate without feeling stressed out.
So I've been getting a few questions about the course, one of which is, if I don't work specifically in public health, but I'm in another helping profession, can I sign up? Yes, of course, because a lot of the challenges we face in public health with productivity and feeling stressed, you're facing if you're in another helping profession. If you work in social work, or if you're a teacher or even a veterinarian or a nurse or something else, you can absolutely take this course. It starts Monday, August 7th and it goes through Friday, September 8th. So it's five weeks long.
And it's only $500, that's 10% of the cost of my three month one-on-one private coaching program and it's less than half of the time. I've also gotten the question of, if I took the How The Patriarchy Robs You of Your Rest course, can I take this course? So that was a course I offered at the beginning of 2023. Yes, if you took that course, you can absolutely take the Not Your Average Productivity course for sure. Most of it is going to be distinct new material that wasn't in the rest course.
I'm also getting questions from former one-on-one clients, if you all can join, if you're not currently in my one-on-one coaching program, if you're not a current client, then yes, you can join. There might be some overlap because if you were a client in April of 2023, you got a Time and Productivity Masterclass. So there's a tiny bit of overlap. There's a lot more in this course.
If you are a current one-on-one client which you’ll already know because we've talked in our sessions, unfortunately, you can't join at the same time that you're in the three month program. But don't worry, there might be another chance in the future for you to join when you're not in the intensive private coaching program. So anyways, August 3rd is the last day to join.
If you have other questions about it, any questions about the logistics, about what you get, about if you should enroll, please message me. Message me on LinkedIn at Marissa McKool. Message me on Instagram @publichealthcoach or email me at info@mckoolcoaching.com. I would much rather you reach out and ask me the question you have, even if my answer ends up being, “Yeah, you know what, it might not be the right time or maybe you're not the best fit or maybe this won't help you in what you need”, than you wonder and not sign up because you don't know.
I would much rather you get the answer you need to make a decision either way. So please reach out if you have questions and I'm sure if you have the question someone else does too, so you're not alone. There's only 10 days left to register. So if you're listening when this episode airs live, you only have 10 days left to register. I want you to sign up now. There are limited spots because this includes one-on-one coaching. So after this episode, go grab your spot, link in the show notes to sign up, or you can head to mckoolcoaching.com/courses.
Okay, on to the episode, which is very much related to the course because one thing you might be struggling with when it comes to productivity is your to-do list. And as I said at the beginning of this, a lot of this has come up in coaching recently, but also it came up in a podcast interview. I was being interviewed for a podcast. And the host was telling me about how stressed she was feeling about getting everything on her to-to list done and I asked her why.
She thought I meant, why does it stress her out. But I corrected her and I said, “No. Why do you think you have to get everything done? Why is that the goal?” And she was a bit stumped. And you might be too, if you ask yourself this question. We never seem to question the goal of getting everything on our to-do list done. To us it seems logical for that to be the goal. But what if you ask yourself, why is that the goal in the first place, what answer would you come upon? What would be the reason?
We know that hustle culture and toxic capitalism promotes the goal of doing it all, but those systems also promote the idea that your personal value and worth in this world is derived from doing it all. Those systems believe and tell you to believe that to be happy and successful, you have to do it all. But those systems are in the business of burning people out, especially women, especially people in helping professions, especially for people who are different in any way, who live in one or more marginalized identity.
Do you want to have a goal of doing it all that aligns with hustle culture and toxic capitalism's goal of you having to do it all? We also know that the patriarchy wants you to have this goal. The more you put on your to-do list the more exhausted you become, the less energy you have to fight the patriarchy to dismantle it. Women are taught to always do for others, to have more on your to-do list for other people than yourself, to put yourself last, that you must be the helper, that's where your worth and value comes in.
And then it's doubled upon when you work in a helping profession, and it becomes your identity. And then you're doing so much for others, and you're so exhausted you don't have the capacity to do for yourself, to do what you truly desire, what you truly want, let alone just rest and enjoy life and be present, which is exactly what the patriarchy wants. Do you want your goal of doing it all to align with the achievement of this patriarchal aim? We have to question why we have a goal to get everything done on our to-do list.
Is it because you believe once you get it all done, then you'll feel better? We have this perfectionist fantasy and listen, me too, that if we check everything off that list and there's nothing else to do, then we can feel proud, accomplished, peaceful, free. Then we can rest and relax. Then we can do whatever the fuck we want. So you continue to chase a blank to-do list, but you never achieve it.
It’s almost like being a gambler. Most of you probably don't know, my mom was a blackjack dealer at a casino her whole adult life, I think 40 years. And most people who got addicted to gambling, it started off, they got a very small win, winning $10 or $30 or 50 or something like that. And they got a dopamine hit from it, it felt good, and they wanted it again, but more. They'd imagine winning hundreds of dollars or thousands of dollars and they kept going back to gamble.
That's kind of what's happening when you're chasing your checklist, you may be felt good getting a couple of things done so you imagine how good it must feel when you can get it all done. And you spend your life chasing that unattainable imaginary experience because the truth is, you will never have an empty to-do list. There will always be more to do while you're alive on this Earth. There is no such thing as getting all your to-do’s done, because even if today you finish your laundry, tomorrow, you’ll need to grocery shop.
Even if today you ran all your errands, tonight you need to put together that bookshelf you bought. Because even if you got all your bills paid and doctor's appointments made, you will need to clean the dishes and feed the dog. It is a myth that you can get it all done. For as long as you are human, you will have to-do’s, you will have things you need to get done every single day. If you let it, this fact can actually be freeing. I know at first it might feel overwhelming or even depressing but actually you can let it be freeing.
And when I told the podcast host this, the one who was interviewing me and we were talking about this, she stopped me and said something to the effect of, “I feel so much relief, my chest has just opened up.” And why? Because if you can never get it all done, there is no need to get on that hamster wheel and chase the end of a finish line that's not there. There's no need to feel guilt or shame for not ‘doing enough’. There's no point in trying to beat yourself up or make yourself feel bad for having more to do.
And also there's never a point in doing those two things, but here you will always have more to do, which also means you don't have to do anything. If your to-do list will still be there tomorrow or next week or next month then you don't have to do it all right away. You can do it when it works for you without overworking or rushing or feeling stressed. It actually relieves so much pressure.
If you listened to the Do It All Framework episode a few weeks ago, this goes hand in hand with the idea that we can get to the end of a to-do list. Both of those things, there is this urge to do it as fast as possible. There's this urgency to get it all done. And that puts so much pressure on you and then you continue to sprint, you think it's a short sprint, but it's actually a lifelong marathon and you're trying to sprint that marathon and you get out of breath and you get exhausted.
First is realizing, no, this is not a sprint. There is no rush. There's no finish line, this is a lifelong experience, then you can jog, then you can walk sometimes, then you can stop and get water sometimes. Your to-do list is just a tool, that's it. That's all it is. But you have been using it as if it's a measure of your worth and value. You've been using it as a stopwatch to the finish line. A to-do list is just a simple tool to keep track of your tasks in one place to help you remember things, to help you be organized, that's it, nothing more, nothing less. It's completely neutral.
But you're using this neutral tool against yourself to judge yourself, to measure your value and worth, to compare yourself to others, to make yourself feel bad, to exhaust yourself. It's completely unnecessary. So many of us especially, if you've been socialized as a woman, if you've worked in helping professions, if you are actually organized and really smart and able to get things done.
Over time in your life, you've probably gotten a lot of praise for being on top of things, for getting things done. For me growing up, I was the middle child. So there was a lot of things I was actually doing in the home that I was praised for and reinforced to do it all, to be the helper. For you it might have been something at school or it might have been your profession or something else where you got those messages and it becomes almost an identity.
But the truth is, and you know it, even though it feels like everyone else around you thinks you have it all together, that you always come through, that you can juggle it all, and they might say it to you, “I don't know how you do it all. It's amazing.” You know, deep down you're struggling and you can't do it all but you don't want to admit that because it feels like a failure but it's not because no one can do it all. You will always have something on your to-do list. There will always be something there.
There's no point in which that to-do list becomes empty even if you get to the point, let's say in your elderly years, when someone else is taking care of you or maybe you're living in a home that takes care of you. Those to-do lists, someone else has to do. It's never truly a blank list. Your to-do list also doesn't create your feelings. If you want to feel accomplished, you don't need to get everything done. If you want to feel proud, you don't need to get everything done. If you want to rest and relax, you don't need to get everything done.
Your feelings are created by what you're thinking. You decide to feel proud, no matter how many things you do. You decide to think you've done an amazing job, whether you completed one task or 10. What creates how you feel is what you're thinking about yourself and nothing else. Rest does not come after you get an empty to-do list, that's why you never rest. Rest is a result of a decision you make. It's not a reward or an outcome for getting your to-do list done.
Rest is a choice you make, that is always available to you no matter how many items are on your to-do list. The reason you aren't relaxed, you don't feel calm, you don't rest, is not because you have a list of to-do’s, it's because you believe you have to get all that done first. So you stay on that hamster wheel running, running, running and not resting.
I remember my CDC supervisor and mentor said to me many, many years ago, I think I was back in town visiting. It was after I had left the CDC and we went and got dinner. And she was telling me that she had read recently about a strategy, an organization strategy, instead of trying to get all of your to-do list done on Saturday to just do one thing each day of the week. And that has really stuck with me. I have thought about that so many times. And I'm not here saying that's the best strategy or the only strategy or you should do it. I don't even practice that strategy.
But I think the reason it stuck with me is because that approach, to do that approach you really have to accept that to-do’s are lifelong. That strategy doesn't try to pretend you can outrun your to-do list because you can't. As a human, as an adult you will always have things you either need or want to do each day, to have your life keep going, to keep your health, to keep yourself fed and clothed, to achieve goals and so much more. And the do one thing a day approach acknowledges that, doesn't hide that and that's really stuck with me.
If you stop making the goal to get everything on your to-do list done, what would your goal be instead? What would you get to use your time for? What would you get to experience you aren't experiencing now? What would you get to feel that you aren't feeling now? How would you treat yourself? It is not a problem that you have things on your to-do list you haven't completed.
That is the whole purpose of that tool, is to list the things you haven't done that you want to do or need to do. There is nothing wrong with that. And there will always be things listed there. Once you accept that, you can have so much more peace and expansion. You can be present instead of rushing, you can enjoy instead of shame yourself. You can be proud instead of waiting to feel better.
If you struggle with your to-do list, whether it is constantly chasing an empty to-do list or how to prioritize what to do when. Or feeling like you have competing priorities or feeling overwhelmed by your to-do list or what you want to get done or struggling to feel motivated to complete anything on it. I want you to join the Not Your Average Productivity course. Head on over to mckoolcoaching.com/courses and there's a link in the show notes. It starts August 7th and it goes five weeks long.
You'll get weekly video lessons that focus on redefining productivity so you don't use it to determine your value and worth and feel shame and shut yourself down. How to stop feeling alarmed. How to create motivation. How to make time for achieving your personal goals and how to get rid of the guilt of rest, the guilt of doing things for you. With one-on-one coaching with me and implementation worksheets, only $500. There are limited spots, so I want you to go sign up now.
And listen, if you've never done coaching and you're like, “I don't really know what to expect, that one-on-one coaching piece seems a little scary or I'm nervous.” Don't worry, I got you. Next week's episode is actually going to be a recorded coaching session with a former client. So we recorded the coaching session. You're going to be able to listen to it next week on the podcast and the purpose of that is twofold. So you can get the gist of what coaching is like, kind of experience it secondhand and understand what it's like.
Because I know for many of you, you've never done this type of coaching and that unknown, I get it. It's scary. I felt that way too. So you'll get an idea of what it's like but also actually listening to someone else get coached, you'll be surprised how much it helps you, how much you will actually get coached through that process. And it's going to be focused on what to do when you feel overwhelmed by your work and you're procrastinating and you're behind.
So if you're new here, make sure to hit that subscribe button to this podcast, if you're not already so you don't miss that episode. Alright, you all, see you next week.
If you found this episode helpful then you have to check out my coaching program where I provide you individualized support to create a life centered around rest. Head on over to mckoolcoaching.com, that’s M-C-K-O-O-L coaching.com to learn more.
All right, y'all, before we jump into the podcast episode for today, this is what you've been waiting for. This is what I've been waiting for, where I announce the winners of the 2023 podcast giveaway. As a reminder, we were doing a huge podcast giveaway to celebrate the milestone of having 15,000 plus downloads on this podcast, but really to celebrate all of you who listen every single week.
And the first place prize is a $300 spa gift card. The second place prize is the books Burnout by Amelia and Emily Nagoski, and Rest is Resistance by Tricia Hersey. And the third place prize is a sweatshirt that says Worthy on it from our good friend over on Instagram, Health Equity Jazz.
But you know what, I was really thinking about it, and this whole giveaway was to celebrate the summer of rest, to help you rest, to show you rest can be fun and you can take it. And I think we can have more fun with this. I think we can go bigger and beyond what I originally planned for the giveaway. So here's the deal. Instead of each winner getting one of the prizes, you are all going to get all three prizes.
If you are a winner today, if I announce your name, you're not just going to get one prize. You're going to get all three. You're going to get the $300 spa gift card. You're going to get both books on burnout and rest, and you're going to get the worthy sweatshirt, all three prizes. But you know what?
I really don't want to stop there. It's so much fun to celebrate all of you, to lift you up, to cheer you on, to help you rest. And I just, I think we can do better than that. I think we can have so much more fun. So instead of three winners we are going to have five winners. Five of those who entered, which by the way, we had over 80 entries. Five of you are going to win all three prizes. Yes. So you can celebrate the summer of rest. It's going to be so much fun and I'm so excited.
So without further ado, let me share who those winners are. In no particular order, we have Joyce Chang, Margaret Master, Sarah Hahn, Rachel Laflame, and Nicole Hoffman.
Can we just all celebrate all of you for entering and for being able to really embrace the summer of rest? Now, if I said your name, check your email, your inbox, either by the end of today when this episode is airing, or the next day, the Tuesday following, you will have an email in your inbox telling you the next steps for how to claim your prize and the timeline you need to do that in.
Make sure to check your spam inbox, your spam folder, in case it went there. But congratulations to Joyce, Margaret, Sarah, Rachel, and Nicole. I'm so excited for all of you. I can't wait for you to get these gifts and really give yourself permission to have so much fun resting. And to everyone else who entered, I'm so proud of you for just saying, you know what, I'm going to enter and show myself I can have rest, that rest can be fun, that I can give myself to have permission to rest.
And I hope even if you didn't win, you choose to go do something fun and restful for yourself this summer. All right, without further ado, let's get into the episode.
Hello everyone. I’m so glad you hit play on this episode. I think this will help so many of you. I actually just got off a coaching call right before sitting down to record this where this exact thing came up about the never ending to-do list. So I'm so glad you're here. Happy Monday. How are you? How is your weekend? How's your summer going? I have been loving connecting with so many of you, especially on LinkedIn. If you haven't connected with me, please reach out, hit connect. I know sometimes it will say, I prefer to be followed. That's not true.
It's just LinkedIn, once you get past a certain number of connections, it automatically does that, so you can definitely still connect with me. I'd love to meet you or Instagram, so either of those, LinkedIn is Marissa McKool, Instagram is Public Health Coach. I'm also on the new Threads app. I'm recording this a couple of weeks before this airs, so hopefully that app is still going strong by the time you hear this, Public Health Coach on there. So you can come and check me out there. I'd love to hear how things are going for you.
Before we get in today's episode, I do want to remind you to register for my new, Not Your Average Productivity course. This is my brand new course, it's five weeks, it's a semi live course, which means you'll be getting weekly on demand video lessons that you can watch within your schedule, when it works best for you. But you'll also be getting a few private one-on-one coaching sessions with me and a couple of implementation worksheets.
This course is for you if you struggle to stay focused and on task or feel like you're constantly interrupted and can't get anything done, if you have little to no help, whether it's in your workplace with your job or even at home. If you feel like your calendar is so full at work with back-to-back meetings, you have no way to get other things done. If you struggle with procrastination and always feel like you're behind.
And if you want to be more productive to specifically reduce your stress, to have more time in your schedule, both to get the work done you need to get done but also to do things for you more than just work. And if you really want to achieve some personal goals, but it just feels like you have so much to do that is impossible, then this course is for you. Because it's going to help you increase your productivity and reduce your workload while prioritizing yourself and your goals without hustling, without feeling guilty, without burdening anyone else.
You're going to get simple and effective tools to stop feeling overwhelmed, create motivation. And listen, this isn't about denying the real challenges you face in public health such as low staffing or high turnover or challenging bosses. It's about giving you tools to get your work done faster, more effectively, more efficiently no matter what's on your plate without feeling stressed out.
So I've been getting a few questions about the course, one of which is, if I don't work specifically in public health, but I'm in another helping profession, can I sign up? Yes, of course, because a lot of the challenges we face in public health with productivity and feeling stressed, you're facing if you're in another helping profession. If you work in social work, or if you're a teacher or even a veterinarian or a nurse or something else, you can absolutely take this course. It starts Monday, August 7th and it goes through Friday, September 8th. So it's five weeks long.
And it's only $500, that's 10% of the cost of my three month one-on-one private coaching program and it's less than half of the time. I've also gotten the question of, if I took the How The Patriarchy Robs You of Your Rest course, can I take this course? So that was a course I offered at the beginning of 2023. Yes, if you took that course, you can absolutely take the Not Your Average Productivity course for sure. Most of it is going to be distinct new material that wasn't in the rest course.
I'm also getting questions from former one-on-one clients, if you all can join, if you're not currently in my one-on-one coaching program, if you're not a current client, then yes, you can join. There might be some overlap because if you were a client in April of 2023, you got a Time and Productivity Masterclass. So there's a tiny bit of overlap. There's a lot more in this course.
If you are a current one-on-one client which you’ll already know because we've talked in our sessions, unfortunately, you can't join at the same time that you're in the three month program. But don't worry, there might be another chance in the future for you to join when you're not in the intensive private coaching program. So anyways, August 3rd is the last day to join.
If you have other questions about it, any questions about the logistics, about what you get, about if you should enroll, please message me. Message me on LinkedIn at Marissa McKool. Message me on Instagram @publichealthcoach or email me at info@mckoolcoaching.com. I would much rather you reach out and ask me the question you have, even if my answer ends up being, “Yeah, you know what, it might not be the right time or maybe you're not the best fit or maybe this won't help you in what you need”, than you wonder and not sign up because you don't know.
I would much rather you get the answer you need to make a decision either way. So please reach out if you have questions and I'm sure if you have the question someone else does too, so you're not alone. There's only 10 days left to register. So if you're listening when this episode airs live, you only have 10 days left to register. I want you to sign up now. There are limited spots because this includes one-on-one coaching. So after this episode, go grab your spot, link in the show notes to sign up, or you can head to mckoolcoaching.com/courses.
Okay, on to the episode, which is very much related to the course because one thing you might be struggling with when it comes to productivity is your to-do list. And as I said at the beginning of this, a lot of this has come up in coaching recently, but also it came up in a podcast interview. I was being interviewed for a podcast. And the host was telling me about how stressed she was feeling about getting everything on her to-to list done and I asked her why.
She thought I meant, why does it stress her out. But I corrected her and I said, “No. Why do you think you have to get everything done? Why is that the goal?” And she was a bit stumped. And you might be too, if you ask yourself this question. We never seem to question the goal of getting everything on our to-do list done. To us it seems logical for that to be the goal. But what if you ask yourself, why is that the goal in the first place, what answer would you come upon? What would be the reason?
We know that hustle culture and toxic capitalism promotes the goal of doing it all, but those systems also promote the idea that your personal value and worth in this world is derived from doing it all. Those systems believe and tell you to believe that to be happy and successful, you have to do it all. But those systems are in the business of burning people out, especially women, especially people in helping professions, especially for people who are different in any way, who live in one or more marginalized identity.
Do you want to have a goal of doing it all that aligns with hustle culture and toxic capitalism's goal of you having to do it all? We also know that the patriarchy wants you to have this goal. The more you put on your to-do list the more exhausted you become, the less energy you have to fight the patriarchy to dismantle it. Women are taught to always do for others, to have more on your to-do list for other people than yourself, to put yourself last, that you must be the helper, that's where your worth and value comes in.
And then it's doubled upon when you work in a helping profession, and it becomes your identity. And then you're doing so much for others, and you're so exhausted you don't have the capacity to do for yourself, to do what you truly desire, what you truly want, let alone just rest and enjoy life and be present, which is exactly what the patriarchy wants. Do you want your goal of doing it all to align with the achievement of this patriarchal aim? We have to question why we have a goal to get everything done on our to-do list.
Is it because you believe once you get it all done, then you'll feel better? We have this perfectionist fantasy and listen, me too, that if we check everything off that list and there's nothing else to do, then we can feel proud, accomplished, peaceful, free. Then we can rest and relax. Then we can do whatever the fuck we want. So you continue to chase a blank to-do list, but you never achieve it.
It’s almost like being a gambler. Most of you probably don't know, my mom was a blackjack dealer at a casino her whole adult life, I think 40 years. And most people who got addicted to gambling, it started off, they got a very small win, winning $10 or $30 or 50 or something like that. And they got a dopamine hit from it, it felt good, and they wanted it again, but more. They'd imagine winning hundreds of dollars or thousands of dollars and they kept going back to gamble.
That's kind of what's happening when you're chasing your checklist, you may be felt good getting a couple of things done so you imagine how good it must feel when you can get it all done. And you spend your life chasing that unattainable imaginary experience because the truth is, you will never have an empty to-do list. There will always be more to do while you're alive on this Earth. There is no such thing as getting all your to-do’s done, because even if today you finish your laundry, tomorrow, you’ll need to grocery shop.
Even if today you ran all your errands, tonight you need to put together that bookshelf you bought. Because even if you got all your bills paid and doctor's appointments made, you will need to clean the dishes and feed the dog. It is a myth that you can get it all done. For as long as you are human, you will have to-do’s, you will have things you need to get done every single day. If you let it, this fact can actually be freeing. I know at first it might feel overwhelming or even depressing but actually you can let it be freeing.
And when I told the podcast host this, the one who was interviewing me and we were talking about this, she stopped me and said something to the effect of, “I feel so much relief, my chest has just opened up.” And why? Because if you can never get it all done, there is no need to get on that hamster wheel and chase the end of a finish line that's not there. There's no need to feel guilt or shame for not ‘doing enough’. There's no point in trying to beat yourself up or make yourself feel bad for having more to do.
And also there's never a point in doing those two things, but here you will always have more to do, which also means you don't have to do anything. If your to-do list will still be there tomorrow or next week or next month then you don't have to do it all right away. You can do it when it works for you without overworking or rushing or feeling stressed. It actually relieves so much pressure.
If you listened to the Do It All Framework episode a few weeks ago, this goes hand in hand with the idea that we can get to the end of a to-do list. Both of those things, there is this urge to do it as fast as possible. There's this urgency to get it all done. And that puts so much pressure on you and then you continue to sprint, you think it's a short sprint, but it's actually a lifelong marathon and you're trying to sprint that marathon and you get out of breath and you get exhausted.
First is realizing, no, this is not a sprint. There is no rush. There's no finish line, this is a lifelong experience, then you can jog, then you can walk sometimes, then you can stop and get water sometimes. Your to-do list is just a tool, that's it. That's all it is. But you have been using it as if it's a measure of your worth and value. You've been using it as a stopwatch to the finish line. A to-do list is just a simple tool to keep track of your tasks in one place to help you remember things, to help you be organized, that's it, nothing more, nothing less. It's completely neutral.
But you're using this neutral tool against yourself to judge yourself, to measure your value and worth, to compare yourself to others, to make yourself feel bad, to exhaust yourself. It's completely unnecessary. So many of us especially, if you've been socialized as a woman, if you've worked in helping professions, if you are actually organized and really smart and able to get things done.
Over time in your life, you've probably gotten a lot of praise for being on top of things, for getting things done. For me growing up, I was the middle child. So there was a lot of things I was actually doing in the home that I was praised for and reinforced to do it all, to be the helper. For you it might have been something at school or it might have been your profession or something else where you got those messages and it becomes almost an identity.
But the truth is, and you know it, even though it feels like everyone else around you thinks you have it all together, that you always come through, that you can juggle it all, and they might say it to you, “I don't know how you do it all. It's amazing.” You know, deep down you're struggling and you can't do it all but you don't want to admit that because it feels like a failure but it's not because no one can do it all. You will always have something on your to-do list. There will always be something there.
There's no point in which that to-do list becomes empty even if you get to the point, let's say in your elderly years, when someone else is taking care of you or maybe you're living in a home that takes care of you. Those to-do lists, someone else has to do. It's never truly a blank list. Your to-do list also doesn't create your feelings. If you want to feel accomplished, you don't need to get everything done. If you want to feel proud, you don't need to get everything done. If you want to rest and relax, you don't need to get everything done.
Your feelings are created by what you're thinking. You decide to feel proud, no matter how many things you do. You decide to think you've done an amazing job, whether you completed one task or 10. What creates how you feel is what you're thinking about yourself and nothing else. Rest does not come after you get an empty to-do list, that's why you never rest. Rest is a result of a decision you make. It's not a reward or an outcome for getting your to-do list done.
Rest is a choice you make, that is always available to you no matter how many items are on your to-do list. The reason you aren't relaxed, you don't feel calm, you don't rest, is not because you have a list of to-do’s, it's because you believe you have to get all that done first. So you stay on that hamster wheel running, running, running and not resting.
I remember my CDC supervisor and mentor said to me many, many years ago, I think I was back in town visiting. It was after I had left the CDC and we went and got dinner. And she was telling me that she had read recently about a strategy, an organization strategy, instead of trying to get all of your to-do list done on Saturday to just do one thing each day of the week. And that has really stuck with me. I have thought about that so many times. And I'm not here saying that's the best strategy or the only strategy or you should do it. I don't even practice that strategy.
But I think the reason it stuck with me is because that approach, to do that approach you really have to accept that to-do’s are lifelong. That strategy doesn't try to pretend you can outrun your to-do list because you can't. As a human, as an adult you will always have things you either need or want to do each day, to have your life keep going, to keep your health, to keep yourself fed and clothed, to achieve goals and so much more. And the do one thing a day approach acknowledges that, doesn't hide that and that's really stuck with me.
If you stop making the goal to get everything on your to-do list done, what would your goal be instead? What would you get to use your time for? What would you get to experience you aren't experiencing now? What would you get to feel that you aren't feeling now? How would you treat yourself? It is not a problem that you have things on your to-do list you haven't completed.
That is the whole purpose of that tool, is to list the things you haven't done that you want to do or need to do. There is nothing wrong with that. And there will always be things listed there. Once you accept that, you can have so much more peace and expansion. You can be present instead of rushing, you can enjoy instead of shame yourself. You can be proud instead of waiting to feel better.
If you struggle with your to-do list, whether it is constantly chasing an empty to-do list or how to prioritize what to do when. Or feeling like you have competing priorities or feeling overwhelmed by your to-do list or what you want to get done or struggling to feel motivated to complete anything on it. I want you to join the Not Your Average Productivity course. Head on over to mckoolcoaching.com/courses and there's a link in the show notes. It starts August 7th and it goes five weeks long.
You'll get weekly video lessons that focus on redefining productivity so you don't use it to determine your value and worth and feel shame and shut yourself down. How to stop feeling alarmed. How to create motivation. How to make time for achieving your personal goals and how to get rid of the guilt of rest, the guilt of doing things for you. With one-on-one coaching with me and implementation worksheets, only $500. There are limited spots, so I want you to go sign up now.
And listen, if you've never done coaching and you're like, “I don't really know what to expect, that one-on-one coaching piece seems a little scary or I'm nervous.” Don't worry, I got you. Next week's episode is actually going to be a recorded coaching session with a former client. So we recorded the coaching session. You're going to be able to listen to it next week on the podcast and the purpose of that is twofold. So you can get the gist of what coaching is like, kind of experience it secondhand and understand what it's like.
Because I know for many of you, you've never done this type of coaching and that unknown, I get it. It's scary. I felt that way too. So you'll get an idea of what it's like but also actually listening to someone else get coached, you'll be surprised how much it helps you, how much you will actually get coached through that process. And it's going to be focused on what to do when you feel overwhelmed by your work and you're procrastinating and you're behind.
So if you're new here, make sure to hit that subscribe button to this podcast, if you're not already so you don't miss that episode. Alright, you all, see you next week.
If you found this episode helpful then you have to check out my coaching program where I provide you individualized support to create a life centered around rest. Head on over to mckoolcoaching.com, that’s M-C-K-O-O-L coaching.com to learn more.
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