64. Tiredness vs. Fatigue
Do you often feel tired and fatigued? Are you exhausted from what is going on in your life? Most often, when we say we’re tired, it is the mental and emotional experience we are having that we are tired from or of. But there is a difference between tiredness and fatigue.
Fatigue is a physiological or physical experience. You can help yourself when you feel fatigued by what you think and allowing your emotions. Tiredness, on the other hand, is the experience you have from what you think all day and the emotions you are not processing. The good news is that you can choose to change those thoughts and feelings if you want to reduce or eliminate your experience of tiredness.
Join me this week as I’m diving deeper into the difference between tiredness and fatigue and showing you why deciding on purpose to change your thoughts will help you manage your experience of tiredness. Find out what is really making you tired, why the way you talk to yourself when experiencing fatigue greatly impacts your experience of it, and how to stop making fatigue harder for yourself.
If you want to take this work deeper and learn the tools and skills to feel better, all while having my support and guidance each step of the way, I invite you to set up a time to chat with me. Click here to grab a spot on my calendar and I can’t wait to speak to you!
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What You Will Discover:
Some reasons you feel tired and/or fatigued.
How to think more neutral or supportive thoughts when you are experiencing fatigue.
Some examples of how you might not be processing your emotions.
What resolves your experience of tiredness.
The problem with layering tiredness on top of fatigue.
Why you get to choose how to show up when experiencing fatigue.
How to feel more rested and make more active, conscious decisions.
The importance of limiting your intake of things that you know will increase your tiredness and fatigue.
Resources:
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Full Episode Transcript:
Hey, you all, I’m Marissa McKool, and you’re listening to the Redefining Rest Podcast for public health professionals. Here we believe rest is your right. You don’t have to earn it, you just have to learn how to take it and I’m going to teach you. Ready? Come along.
Hi everyone. What is happening? What’s going on? What’s new with you? It’s the middle of July. What has been some fun stuff you’ve done lately? What do you have coming up that’s fun and exciting? How are you doing? I’m feeling good today because today is actually the first day, I’m recording this on a Thursday, it is the first day this week that I actually don’t feel tired or fatigued which is why actually I was not planning to do this episode but yesterday I was feeling both tiredness and fatigue and just thought, you know what? I think this needs to be an episode.
I want to talk about this. I want to talk about the difference. I also recently was interviewed on the podcast, Tea with Tanya. I don’t think it’s out yet. When it is out I’ll share my social media. I interviewed on that a few weeks ago and I talked with her actually about the difference of tiredness and fatigue and how important it is to really distinguish the difference. So, I just thought, you know what? I’m living it right now, let’s talk about it.
And this week for me something’s going on contributing to this is my sleep hasn’t been great. There were so many street fireworks. And I’m dog sitting a dog who is very scared of fireworks. And also, our fire alarm was beeping which my dog was really scared of and because we had to keep the windows closed. It was so hot when I was sleeping, and I just did not get good sleep. And I feel like I’ve been catching up on sleep. That’s not really a thing but just to describe how I’ve been feeling. I just feel the effects of that days later.
And then of course other things such as the constant news about mass shootings and the impact of Roe vs. Wade being overturned and seeing on TikTok all these people, and LinkedIn actually, talk about their lived experience. And for you it might be things like your kids are out of school so there lots going on or you have health issues going on right now, or you’re traveling a lot, or a lot of people have left your workplace. So really low on staffing, whatever it may be, there might be a lot going on, contributing to your experience.
But I think the first question to answer is, are you experiencing fatigue or are you tired, and what is the difference? Fatigue is a physiological or physical experience. So maybe it’s the experience of your eye sockets feeling really heavy, or an increased heart rate because your adrenalin’s high, or cramping muscles or a million other things.
And this experience can be a result of a number of things. Maybe interrupted sleep, or a new medication, or not getting enough calories or nutrients into your diet, or not being hydrated enough. Or even out of extreme energy exertion like running your first marathon. Now, I am not a doctor. I want to be very, very clear here. I am not here to diagnose you, or give you treatment. If you are experiencing physical or physiological fatigue especially ongoing or chronic, seeing a physician might be a choice you want to make.
I’m not here to tell you to do that, to not do that, to treat you or diagnose you, or any of that, this is not medical advice. The point here is to distinguish between tiredness and fatigue so you can assess and understand where you’re at and so you can understand where coaching and thought work can come in to help you with either of these experiences. Fatigue can be a result of a number of things, some of which you have no control over, some of which you have some, some of which you might even have full control over.
For me this week, my fatigue has been because I didn’t really get good sleep and my sleep was interrupted. I do not have control over the fireworks happening in the streets or the dogs being upset by that, absolutely not. But I absolutely have control over do I take a nap today? Do I go to bed early tonight? Do I sleep in? There is some control I have there. For other people experiencing fatigue, maybe it’s because of a chronic health condition, or you’re overexercising and undereating. There might be a mix of how much control or impact you can have on that fatigue.
Tiredness, being tired, feeling tired on the other hand is different. And I think it’s important to distinguish. I think we use tired a lot to talk about fatigue and then we use tired a lot when we think we’re experiencing fatigue. But we’re really experiencing what I’m going to define as tiredness because often what’s making us tired is our thinking. What’s making us feel tired is being stuck in an emotion. Most often when you are saying you are tired, it’s the mental and emotional experience you are having that you are tired from or of.
So, when you are constantly telling yourself you haven’t done enough, you don’t have enough time, you’re too busy, that creates the experience of feeling tired. And that may not mean you are actually fatigued, it may but it may not. I want you to think about this. If nothing else in your life change, your sleep patterns didn’t change, the amount of work you had didn’t change, or the people didn’t change, but what changed was the record player in your head playing every day, the thoughts you have every day.
And instead of telling yourself every day, I’m too busy, this is going to be terrible, I’m dreading this, I don’t want to do this. Instead of that, all day you are thinking, I do have enough time, I’ve gotten enough done. I’m doing a great job. I have so much to look forward to, I’m so excited. You might not feel tired all the time. Actually, I would guess you probably wouldn’t.
When you are feeling anxious maybe you’re not even aware of it that you’re feeling anxious, you’re not processing your anxiety, maybe you’re avoiding it with constantly cleaning. Or constantly spending time with other people, and not really spending time alone, or watching TV, or being on your phone so your brain doesn’t have time for free think, telling yourself you’re fine, not letting yourself cry. You’re not processing your anxiety. So of course, when you’re not allowing that emotion and you’re running around to try to get rid of it or try to suppress it, of course you feel ‘tired.’
If you just allowed yourself to feel the anxiety, even if you didn’t change the thoughts you had that were creating the anxiety, if you just allowed it and processed it, you would not feel ‘tired.’ The exhaustion you feel when you are saying you are tired is from the thoughts you are thinking all day and from not allowing yourself to process your emotions. Now, really quickly I want to just jump back to fatigue for a second. Like I said, fatigue can be something you may be able to have an impact on even if partially.
And of course, there might be some health conditions or maybe symptoms of a necessary medication that creates fatigue that you might not be able to impact, of course. There are a number of different experiences with fatigue. But there are also experiences with fatigue you can have an impact with, like choosing to drink enough water or eat calorie dense meals to address fatigue if that’s what’s contributing to it. Again, I’m not here to diagnose, or treat, or anything like that. Here is the coaching thought work side of it.
What makes fatigue worse is having an experience of fatigue and then adding an experience of ‘tiredness’ on top of it. So, when you’re experiencing physical or physiological fatigue and then you start to judge yourself for it, or shame yourself, or blame yourself, that is creating tiredness on top of it. When you’re experiencing fatigue and you don’t allow yourself to process the anxiety around it or process the frustration or the overwhelm and you’re suppressing and resisting, that is creating tiredness on top of it.
If you allow your experience of fatigue without judgment or without shame, without negative or self-critique on top of it, you are going to help yourself manage, navigate, and handle the fatigue. If you allow your emotions around the fatigue and process it then you’re going to be able to make the experience of the fatigue so much easier and less disruptive and less painful.
It doesn’t mean the fatigue will go away but you will be helping yourself manage the fatigue, show up to your day even with the fatigue in such a different way than making it harder for yourself. Because you’re just creating tiredness by what you’re thinking and what you’re not allowing yourself to feel. When you allow the fatigue without adding the layer of tiredness on top of it, you actually can get more rest to support your fatigue recovery or management.
Listen, we have all had the experience where we have physical fatigue, and we don’t really see it as a problem. And actually, we still have a great day and get a lot done. Let’s say you went to see your favorite band for the first time ever. And you ended up getting backstage passes to meet them, and you stayed up really late and you had a really great time. You might feel some fatigue the next day at work but you’re also really excited and happy. You weren’t shaming yourself or blaming yourself.
And we have had that experience, if you went on a really great date and you stayed up late, or you were on a really fun vacation and your flight was delayed, and you didn’t get much sleep and you went to work but you’re still riding the high from your vacation. We’ve all had that experience. And no matter why you are experiencing fatigue, from fatigue as an outcome of a chronic health condition, fatigue as an outcome of maybe medication, fatigue of an outcome of an accomplishment like hiking a huge mountain or something.
No matter what it is you can choose how you show up to that and whether or not you’re going to add tiredness on top of it. Telling yourself you can’t work, you don’t have a choice, you won’t be successful, you’re terrible, today is going to suck, it’s going to be horrible, I can’t believe I did this. And whatever else you’re saying to yourself, does not help your experience of fatigue. How you talk to yourself when you’re experiencing fatigue greatly impacts your experience of it.
So, you can choose to not blame yourself, to not judge yourself. You don’t have to think positive rainbow thoughts, but you can choose to think more neutral or more supportive thoughts like I can figure this out. Or I can move my schedule around if I need to. Or I can support myself. Or I can ask for help or whatever it may be. For me one of the things that happens with me when I’m feeling fatigued, I’m a person that physiologically really benefits from regular consistent sleep, eight hours a night.
I am not someone who functions very well on five, four hours of sleep. So, when I find my sleep is disrupted and I’m experiencing fatigue and I catch myself with those unhelpful thoughts and not processing my emotions, I out loud say things to myself like, “Marissa, you are awake. You are functioning. You can do this. You can support yourself. You can make different decisions. You can allow this emotion.” And it makes such a big difference with getting through your day and getting through that fatigue.
Now, let’s go back to the concept of tiredness. Even if you don’t experience or aren’t experiencing fatigue, most of you are experiencing this tiredness as we’re defining it all the time almost. And that tiredness you’ve been creating is something you can have 100% impact on changing. Because it’s an outcome of your thinking and the way you’re feeling. You think right now what’s creating your tiredness is your to do list, your job, your boss, your kids, your family and whatever else, that you have too much to do, that you’re too busy, you don’t have enough time.
And your boss is a jerk. Your colleagues aren’t helping, your kid’s not picking up stuff, your partner’s not doing anything, your dog’s being a pain in the ass. But what creates your experience of tiredness are your thoughts about those things and the feelings about them that you’re not processing. You are not tired because you’re a consultant helping a local government evaluate their emergency response protocols. You are tired because of what you think about that and what you feel about that.
And you’re feeling tired each day as you get up and tell yourself it’s going to be a long day, I’m going to have so much going on. The organization’s so resistant. This is going to be terrible. I can’t wait till this project’s over. That’s what’s creating that experience of tiredness. And whether under that tiredness it’s dread, or overwhelm, or frustration, whatever emotion it may be, you’re not processing it. You are not tired because your child refuses to wear anything but pajamas.
You are tried because you’ve decided that is a problem, that you dread the morning, that you think your child should be different, that they should listen, that you’re being a terrible parent because of it. You are not tired because you have a report to do, and your toilet is leaking today. You are feeling tiredness because of what you’re thinking about it and how you’re feeling about it.
This is a really important distinction because it means what resolves you experience of tiredness is not quitting your job, your child magically changing or having all your house appliances work all the time. What resolves your experience of tiredness is the change in what you choose to think each day in the face of any challenge, any experience or any ‘problem.’ What resolves your experience of tiredness is you allowing yourself to process your emotions rather than avoid and resist them.
You don’t have to think your work project is a nightmare. You can decide to think, this project doesn’t have to be a problem. We’re making progress. It’s not my favorite but it’s okay. You don’t have to think your child should just listen to you. You can decide to think, of course they’re not listening to me, they’re a kid, of course they want to wear PJs all the time, they’re a kid. And honestly, sometimes I just want to wear my PJs all the time.
You don’t have to think this is so unfair the toilet broke, of course it happened during this week. I’m so unlucky, I should have done the report earlier, this is all my fault. Now I’m so behind. You can choose to think, I can figure this out. I can ask for an extension if I need to. I can call a plumber. I can figure this out. You get to choose. What’s creating your experience of tiredness is what you’re thinking about all day and the emotions that thinking is creating.
Now, sometimes we examine the thoughts and feelings creating our experience of tiredness and we want to keep them and not change them on purpose. This isn’t about telling you what to think. It’s about encouraging you to look at your thoughts and decide on purpose if you want to change them.
So, for example, let’s say you realize you’re feeling really tired because lately there’s been a lot of mass shootings. And you’ve been seeing it on the news every day and on social media people talking about it. And our politicians are talking about it a lot more, and your organization is talking about it more. Even if the sports players and coaches that you follow are talking about it more.
And every time that’s coming up each day, you’re having an experience where you’re thinking the thoughts that you have, like believing the current state of gun legislation in the country makes it unsafe for people. Or that there should be gun control and it’s ridiculous that there isn’t. Maybe you feel some anger, or frustration, or even fear. And you look at that and you decide, I want to keep that. You look at that and you decide, I want to keep that. I want to keep having those feelings. I don’t want to feel neutral. I don’t want to feel positive about this.
That’s my opinion and I’m choosing it on purpose. You totally can. That’s 100% your choice. I’m not saying, change it. But now that you’ve looked at it consciously and decided I want to keep that, now what? How can you reduce your tiredness in the decision to keep those beliefs and feelings? Well, think about this. Every time you see the news, or social media, or whatever else external kind of trigger, I don’t love that word, stimuli may be a better word. That happens where your brain then reminds you of your beliefs, your thoughts, your feelings.
And can you reduce how much that happens a day? Can you reduce how many times a day you think and feel those things to help you reduce your tiredness? Meaning maybe reducing how much you scroll social media or look at the news. So, it reduces how much you’re prompted, your brain is prompted to think those beliefs and for you to feel those emotions. Because right now, how often is it? Are you scrolling all day on news all day? Are you seeing it 20, 40, 80 times a day?
You don’t have to change your thought and feeling about gun control to reduce how often you focus on it and think it and feel tired. You can limit your social media and your news consumption to reduce your tiredness from that. This is so important. I want you to hear me. This does not mean you won’t be informed. Limiting your social media and news doesn’t mean all of a sudden you’re going to be uninformed. I think that’s a huge misconception.
You can stay informed while reducing the intake of the constant 24 hour seven day a week news cycle on social media. If you reduce it from four hours a day to one hour a day you are going to get just the exact amount of information you need without overstimulating your stress response. And reducing it does not mean you don’t care. I think that’s another huge misconception. In order to show I care or show myself I care, I have to constantly be on social media, and on the news, and consuming all of this.
No, you can care while reducing your intake of that stimuli. Limiting this intake, the intake of information and events that prompts your thoughts and feelings around this, is going to help you reduce your tiredness. You have chosen these beliefs on purpose. They’re not going to go away and disappear magically because you’ve minimized your intake in the news. And if you stay off social media 50% less than you’re on it now it’s not like you’re going to have no idea what’s happening in the world. You’ll still know.
You’re just going to be more rested and have more energy and more capacity and bandwidth to actually deal with that, to decide on purpose with less tiredness what you want to do, what actions you want to take or actions you don’t want to take. It is actually going to serve you to reduce that intake, reduce your tiredness so you can feel more rested and make more active conscious decisions. Now, what about things like – I know some of you might be thinking this, racism, sexism, fat phobia, and other isms, other oppressions.
Experiencing oppression, experiencing bias and discrimination and your thoughts and feelings about experiencing that, in the face of that, absolutely contributes to your feeling of tiredness. And some of you might be encountering this all the time. This is not about you trying to convince yourself that those experiences don’t happen. This is not about gaslighting you or you gaslighting yourself. It’s not about you deciding to believe there’s no racism, no sexism, no transphobia in the world or etc.
It's also not about your deciding to feel neutral about it. It’s about you deciding in the face of that, in those experiences in that happening in the world. What does reducing your experience of tiredness look for you? I don’t have any answer for you. I’m not here to tell you what the answer is and what you need or must do for that because what is right for you, what’s the way to reduce your tiredness of that is going to be different than what is right for someone else.
What is right for you this week for reducing your tiredness from that experience actually might be different than what was right for you last week. It is so personal. You get to decide. But what we talked about today about understanding where tiredness is coming from is the foundation to being able to make that decision and actually reduce your tiredness.
Let me give an example from my experience. A set of thoughts that I have about an experience I face, and I have that I want to keep is around when I walk my dog alone. I’m going to get as specific as possible here. I have had the experience when I walk my dog alone of men approaching me, of saying inappropriate things to me or yelling things from afar or even following me. And I know for a fact when I walk my dog with my male fiancé, that never happens. It’s not happened to me once.
But when I’m alone it happens a lot. And I also believe there’s a chance when I’m alone of that happening. Now, listen, I’m not trying to feel neutral about that or positive. I’m not trying to deny that happens or gaslight myself. I’m deciding to keep my thoughts and feelings about it. And this is really important. I recognize that the tiredness I feel from those thoughts and feelings when I am walking my dog every single day by myself, the tiredness I feel from that experience is a result of my thoughts and feelings. I recognize that.
And this is really important, and I know it’s a result of my thoughts and feelings because other people in the same or very similar circumstances to me don’t experience that tiredness, don’t have the same thoughts and feelings. And once I actually posted on Instagram my thoughts and feelings about this experience and the tiredness I have about constantly thinking, okay, who’s around me, what’s happening, where can I exit if something were to happen? What time do I need to walk today so it’s safer? Who do I need to call and let them know where I’m at?
All these thoughts that I think on purpose in that experience, I express them on Instagram. And a woman who has very similar kind of experiences in the world, not all but similar, sent me a very long message expressing her thoughts that were completely different from mine and clearly did not create tiredness for her, she was trying to convince me out of my thoughts because her experience is totally different. She doesn’t feel tired and that’s okay, her thoughts are just different than mine.
And it’s still important to recognize that’s what’s creating my tiredness is my thoughts and feelings about it and I’m choosing those thoughts and feelings on purpose because I believe them, because I’m choosing them, because I know that this is my experience. And when I go on a walk by myself I have those thoughts and feelings, they come up all the time. What reduces my tiredness from that experience changes week to week, has evolved over time. Sometimes it’s being on the phone with someone so I can access a feeling of safety in that moment.
Sometimes it’s walking at a certain time of the day so I can access feeling more confident and less worried or a number of other things. So, for you, if your experience of tiredness is from an experience or potential experience of discrimination, oppression, bias, threat, whatever it may be, or even perception of it. When I go on the walks, it doesn’t mean it’s happening, it’s my perception it could happen. I want you to answer, what does reducing your tiredness from that look like for you? That is going to look different day to day, week to week, month to month, year to year but you get to decide.
Alright, you all, so a little review, I know it was a lot we went through. Fatigue and tiredness are different. We’re defining them differently here. Fatigue is the physiological or physical experience, and you can help yourself when you are fatigued by what you think and allowing your emotions. Tiredness is the experience you have from what you’re thinking about all day and the emotions you’re not processing. And you can choose to look at those thoughts and feelings and change them to reduce or eliminate your experience of tiredness.
And if you look at your thoughts and feelings in a certain area and decide you don’t want to change them, for example, around a political issue you’re passionate about or a lived experience that you’ve had, there’s other ways to reduce your tiredness, whether reducing the stimuli or other ways to support yourself while you’re experiencing them.
Alright you all, I know that was a lot. I want you to take some time to process this. Before we go I have a quick ask. I just would love if any of you have the capacity, ability, bandwidth, desire to rate and review this podcast. It would help so much, I would greatly appreciate it. One of my goals is to get this podcast to as many folks in public health as possible so everyone can have the tools that we share here to reduce their stress, create more time, feel better and get rest.
And one of the best ways to do that is you all rating and reviewing. So that when folks search in wherever they get their podcasts for public health, or stress, or rest, or burnout, that this podcast pops up at the top. And because of the algorithm and the way they do it, the best way for that to happen is for you all to rate and review. So, if you’ve been finding this helpful, if you listen in every week, if it’s challenged your brain, I would really love it if you would consider to rate and review. I know it’s a big ask.
I know you have a lot going on. I know sometimes sharing in those forums isn’t comfortable or isn’t something we’re used to. So, if you don’t want to, if you don’t have the capacity, if you don’t feel comfortable, totally fine, keep tuning in, stay with us in this community, I love you. I want you to keep learning and listening.
But if you feel like you do have the capacity or you want to try it, I would so, so appreciate it and so would all the other public health folks who aren’t listening right now, who have no idea this podcast exists. They will be really grateful when they are able to find it because of your review. So, wherever you listen, go rate and review and it would mean so much. Thank you ahead of time, I appreciate it. I love you all. Talk to you next week.
If you found this episode helpful then you have to check out my coaching program where I provide you individualized support to create a life centered around rest. Head on over to mckoolcoaching.com, that’s M-C-K-O-O-L coaching.com to learn more.
Hi everyone. What is happening? What’s going on? What’s new with you? It’s the middle of July. What has been some fun stuff you’ve done lately? What do you have coming up that’s fun and exciting? How are you doing? I’m feeling good today because today is actually the first day, I’m recording this on a Thursday, it is the first day this week that I actually don’t feel tired or fatigued which is why actually I was not planning to do this episode but yesterday I was feeling both tiredness and fatigue and just thought, you know what? I think this needs to be an episode.
I want to talk about this. I want to talk about the difference. I also recently was interviewed on the podcast, Tea with Tanya. I don’t think it’s out yet. When it is out I’ll share my social media. I interviewed on that a few weeks ago and I talked with her actually about the difference of tiredness and fatigue and how important it is to really distinguish the difference. So, I just thought, you know what? I’m living it right now, let’s talk about it.
And this week for me something’s going on contributing to this is my sleep hasn’t been great. There were so many street fireworks. And I’m dog sitting a dog who is very scared of fireworks. And also, our fire alarm was beeping which my dog was really scared of and because we had to keep the windows closed. It was so hot when I was sleeping, and I just did not get good sleep. And I feel like I’ve been catching up on sleep. That’s not really a thing but just to describe how I’ve been feeling. I just feel the effects of that days later.
And then of course other things such as the constant news about mass shootings and the impact of Roe vs. Wade being overturned and seeing on TikTok all these people, and LinkedIn actually, talk about their lived experience. And for you it might be things like your kids are out of school so there lots going on or you have health issues going on right now, or you’re traveling a lot, or a lot of people have left your workplace. So really low on staffing, whatever it may be, there might be a lot going on, contributing to your experience.
But I think the first question to answer is, are you experiencing fatigue or are you tired, and what is the difference? Fatigue is a physiological or physical experience. So maybe it’s the experience of your eye sockets feeling really heavy, or an increased heart rate because your adrenalin’s high, or cramping muscles or a million other things.
And this experience can be a result of a number of things. Maybe interrupted sleep, or a new medication, or not getting enough calories or nutrients into your diet, or not being hydrated enough. Or even out of extreme energy exertion like running your first marathon. Now, I am not a doctor. I want to be very, very clear here. I am not here to diagnose you, or give you treatment. If you are experiencing physical or physiological fatigue especially ongoing or chronic, seeing a physician might be a choice you want to make.
I’m not here to tell you to do that, to not do that, to treat you or diagnose you, or any of that, this is not medical advice. The point here is to distinguish between tiredness and fatigue so you can assess and understand where you’re at and so you can understand where coaching and thought work can come in to help you with either of these experiences. Fatigue can be a result of a number of things, some of which you have no control over, some of which you have some, some of which you might even have full control over.
For me this week, my fatigue has been because I didn’t really get good sleep and my sleep was interrupted. I do not have control over the fireworks happening in the streets or the dogs being upset by that, absolutely not. But I absolutely have control over do I take a nap today? Do I go to bed early tonight? Do I sleep in? There is some control I have there. For other people experiencing fatigue, maybe it’s because of a chronic health condition, or you’re overexercising and undereating. There might be a mix of how much control or impact you can have on that fatigue.
Tiredness, being tired, feeling tired on the other hand is different. And I think it’s important to distinguish. I think we use tired a lot to talk about fatigue and then we use tired a lot when we think we’re experiencing fatigue. But we’re really experiencing what I’m going to define as tiredness because often what’s making us tired is our thinking. What’s making us feel tired is being stuck in an emotion. Most often when you are saying you are tired, it’s the mental and emotional experience you are having that you are tired from or of.
So, when you are constantly telling yourself you haven’t done enough, you don’t have enough time, you’re too busy, that creates the experience of feeling tired. And that may not mean you are actually fatigued, it may but it may not. I want you to think about this. If nothing else in your life change, your sleep patterns didn’t change, the amount of work you had didn’t change, or the people didn’t change, but what changed was the record player in your head playing every day, the thoughts you have every day.
And instead of telling yourself every day, I’m too busy, this is going to be terrible, I’m dreading this, I don’t want to do this. Instead of that, all day you are thinking, I do have enough time, I’ve gotten enough done. I’m doing a great job. I have so much to look forward to, I’m so excited. You might not feel tired all the time. Actually, I would guess you probably wouldn’t.
When you are feeling anxious maybe you’re not even aware of it that you’re feeling anxious, you’re not processing your anxiety, maybe you’re avoiding it with constantly cleaning. Or constantly spending time with other people, and not really spending time alone, or watching TV, or being on your phone so your brain doesn’t have time for free think, telling yourself you’re fine, not letting yourself cry. You’re not processing your anxiety. So of course, when you’re not allowing that emotion and you’re running around to try to get rid of it or try to suppress it, of course you feel ‘tired.’
If you just allowed yourself to feel the anxiety, even if you didn’t change the thoughts you had that were creating the anxiety, if you just allowed it and processed it, you would not feel ‘tired.’ The exhaustion you feel when you are saying you are tired is from the thoughts you are thinking all day and from not allowing yourself to process your emotions. Now, really quickly I want to just jump back to fatigue for a second. Like I said, fatigue can be something you may be able to have an impact on even if partially.
And of course, there might be some health conditions or maybe symptoms of a necessary medication that creates fatigue that you might not be able to impact, of course. There are a number of different experiences with fatigue. But there are also experiences with fatigue you can have an impact with, like choosing to drink enough water or eat calorie dense meals to address fatigue if that’s what’s contributing to it. Again, I’m not here to diagnose, or treat, or anything like that. Here is the coaching thought work side of it.
What makes fatigue worse is having an experience of fatigue and then adding an experience of ‘tiredness’ on top of it. So, when you’re experiencing physical or physiological fatigue and then you start to judge yourself for it, or shame yourself, or blame yourself, that is creating tiredness on top of it. When you’re experiencing fatigue and you don’t allow yourself to process the anxiety around it or process the frustration or the overwhelm and you’re suppressing and resisting, that is creating tiredness on top of it.
If you allow your experience of fatigue without judgment or without shame, without negative or self-critique on top of it, you are going to help yourself manage, navigate, and handle the fatigue. If you allow your emotions around the fatigue and process it then you’re going to be able to make the experience of the fatigue so much easier and less disruptive and less painful.
It doesn’t mean the fatigue will go away but you will be helping yourself manage the fatigue, show up to your day even with the fatigue in such a different way than making it harder for yourself. Because you’re just creating tiredness by what you’re thinking and what you’re not allowing yourself to feel. When you allow the fatigue without adding the layer of tiredness on top of it, you actually can get more rest to support your fatigue recovery or management.
Listen, we have all had the experience where we have physical fatigue, and we don’t really see it as a problem. And actually, we still have a great day and get a lot done. Let’s say you went to see your favorite band for the first time ever. And you ended up getting backstage passes to meet them, and you stayed up really late and you had a really great time. You might feel some fatigue the next day at work but you’re also really excited and happy. You weren’t shaming yourself or blaming yourself.
And we have had that experience, if you went on a really great date and you stayed up late, or you were on a really fun vacation and your flight was delayed, and you didn’t get much sleep and you went to work but you’re still riding the high from your vacation. We’ve all had that experience. And no matter why you are experiencing fatigue, from fatigue as an outcome of a chronic health condition, fatigue as an outcome of maybe medication, fatigue of an outcome of an accomplishment like hiking a huge mountain or something.
No matter what it is you can choose how you show up to that and whether or not you’re going to add tiredness on top of it. Telling yourself you can’t work, you don’t have a choice, you won’t be successful, you’re terrible, today is going to suck, it’s going to be horrible, I can’t believe I did this. And whatever else you’re saying to yourself, does not help your experience of fatigue. How you talk to yourself when you’re experiencing fatigue greatly impacts your experience of it.
So, you can choose to not blame yourself, to not judge yourself. You don’t have to think positive rainbow thoughts, but you can choose to think more neutral or more supportive thoughts like I can figure this out. Or I can move my schedule around if I need to. Or I can support myself. Or I can ask for help or whatever it may be. For me one of the things that happens with me when I’m feeling fatigued, I’m a person that physiologically really benefits from regular consistent sleep, eight hours a night.
I am not someone who functions very well on five, four hours of sleep. So, when I find my sleep is disrupted and I’m experiencing fatigue and I catch myself with those unhelpful thoughts and not processing my emotions, I out loud say things to myself like, “Marissa, you are awake. You are functioning. You can do this. You can support yourself. You can make different decisions. You can allow this emotion.” And it makes such a big difference with getting through your day and getting through that fatigue.
Now, let’s go back to the concept of tiredness. Even if you don’t experience or aren’t experiencing fatigue, most of you are experiencing this tiredness as we’re defining it all the time almost. And that tiredness you’ve been creating is something you can have 100% impact on changing. Because it’s an outcome of your thinking and the way you’re feeling. You think right now what’s creating your tiredness is your to do list, your job, your boss, your kids, your family and whatever else, that you have too much to do, that you’re too busy, you don’t have enough time.
And your boss is a jerk. Your colleagues aren’t helping, your kid’s not picking up stuff, your partner’s not doing anything, your dog’s being a pain in the ass. But what creates your experience of tiredness are your thoughts about those things and the feelings about them that you’re not processing. You are not tired because you’re a consultant helping a local government evaluate their emergency response protocols. You are tired because of what you think about that and what you feel about that.
And you’re feeling tired each day as you get up and tell yourself it’s going to be a long day, I’m going to have so much going on. The organization’s so resistant. This is going to be terrible. I can’t wait till this project’s over. That’s what’s creating that experience of tiredness. And whether under that tiredness it’s dread, or overwhelm, or frustration, whatever emotion it may be, you’re not processing it. You are not tired because your child refuses to wear anything but pajamas.
You are tried because you’ve decided that is a problem, that you dread the morning, that you think your child should be different, that they should listen, that you’re being a terrible parent because of it. You are not tired because you have a report to do, and your toilet is leaking today. You are feeling tiredness because of what you’re thinking about it and how you’re feeling about it.
This is a really important distinction because it means what resolves you experience of tiredness is not quitting your job, your child magically changing or having all your house appliances work all the time. What resolves your experience of tiredness is the change in what you choose to think each day in the face of any challenge, any experience or any ‘problem.’ What resolves your experience of tiredness is you allowing yourself to process your emotions rather than avoid and resist them.
You don’t have to think your work project is a nightmare. You can decide to think, this project doesn’t have to be a problem. We’re making progress. It’s not my favorite but it’s okay. You don’t have to think your child should just listen to you. You can decide to think, of course they’re not listening to me, they’re a kid, of course they want to wear PJs all the time, they’re a kid. And honestly, sometimes I just want to wear my PJs all the time.
You don’t have to think this is so unfair the toilet broke, of course it happened during this week. I’m so unlucky, I should have done the report earlier, this is all my fault. Now I’m so behind. You can choose to think, I can figure this out. I can ask for an extension if I need to. I can call a plumber. I can figure this out. You get to choose. What’s creating your experience of tiredness is what you’re thinking about all day and the emotions that thinking is creating.
Now, sometimes we examine the thoughts and feelings creating our experience of tiredness and we want to keep them and not change them on purpose. This isn’t about telling you what to think. It’s about encouraging you to look at your thoughts and decide on purpose if you want to change them.
So, for example, let’s say you realize you’re feeling really tired because lately there’s been a lot of mass shootings. And you’ve been seeing it on the news every day and on social media people talking about it. And our politicians are talking about it a lot more, and your organization is talking about it more. Even if the sports players and coaches that you follow are talking about it more.
And every time that’s coming up each day, you’re having an experience where you’re thinking the thoughts that you have, like believing the current state of gun legislation in the country makes it unsafe for people. Or that there should be gun control and it’s ridiculous that there isn’t. Maybe you feel some anger, or frustration, or even fear. And you look at that and you decide, I want to keep that. You look at that and you decide, I want to keep that. I want to keep having those feelings. I don’t want to feel neutral. I don’t want to feel positive about this.
That’s my opinion and I’m choosing it on purpose. You totally can. That’s 100% your choice. I’m not saying, change it. But now that you’ve looked at it consciously and decided I want to keep that, now what? How can you reduce your tiredness in the decision to keep those beliefs and feelings? Well, think about this. Every time you see the news, or social media, or whatever else external kind of trigger, I don’t love that word, stimuli may be a better word. That happens where your brain then reminds you of your beliefs, your thoughts, your feelings.
And can you reduce how much that happens a day? Can you reduce how many times a day you think and feel those things to help you reduce your tiredness? Meaning maybe reducing how much you scroll social media or look at the news. So, it reduces how much you’re prompted, your brain is prompted to think those beliefs and for you to feel those emotions. Because right now, how often is it? Are you scrolling all day on news all day? Are you seeing it 20, 40, 80 times a day?
You don’t have to change your thought and feeling about gun control to reduce how often you focus on it and think it and feel tired. You can limit your social media and your news consumption to reduce your tiredness from that. This is so important. I want you to hear me. This does not mean you won’t be informed. Limiting your social media and news doesn’t mean all of a sudden you’re going to be uninformed. I think that’s a huge misconception.
You can stay informed while reducing the intake of the constant 24 hour seven day a week news cycle on social media. If you reduce it from four hours a day to one hour a day you are going to get just the exact amount of information you need without overstimulating your stress response. And reducing it does not mean you don’t care. I think that’s another huge misconception. In order to show I care or show myself I care, I have to constantly be on social media, and on the news, and consuming all of this.
No, you can care while reducing your intake of that stimuli. Limiting this intake, the intake of information and events that prompts your thoughts and feelings around this, is going to help you reduce your tiredness. You have chosen these beliefs on purpose. They’re not going to go away and disappear magically because you’ve minimized your intake in the news. And if you stay off social media 50% less than you’re on it now it’s not like you’re going to have no idea what’s happening in the world. You’ll still know.
You’re just going to be more rested and have more energy and more capacity and bandwidth to actually deal with that, to decide on purpose with less tiredness what you want to do, what actions you want to take or actions you don’t want to take. It is actually going to serve you to reduce that intake, reduce your tiredness so you can feel more rested and make more active conscious decisions. Now, what about things like – I know some of you might be thinking this, racism, sexism, fat phobia, and other isms, other oppressions.
Experiencing oppression, experiencing bias and discrimination and your thoughts and feelings about experiencing that, in the face of that, absolutely contributes to your feeling of tiredness. And some of you might be encountering this all the time. This is not about you trying to convince yourself that those experiences don’t happen. This is not about gaslighting you or you gaslighting yourself. It’s not about you deciding to believe there’s no racism, no sexism, no transphobia in the world or etc.
It's also not about your deciding to feel neutral about it. It’s about you deciding in the face of that, in those experiences in that happening in the world. What does reducing your experience of tiredness look for you? I don’t have any answer for you. I’m not here to tell you what the answer is and what you need or must do for that because what is right for you, what’s the way to reduce your tiredness of that is going to be different than what is right for someone else.
What is right for you this week for reducing your tiredness from that experience actually might be different than what was right for you last week. It is so personal. You get to decide. But what we talked about today about understanding where tiredness is coming from is the foundation to being able to make that decision and actually reduce your tiredness.
Let me give an example from my experience. A set of thoughts that I have about an experience I face, and I have that I want to keep is around when I walk my dog alone. I’m going to get as specific as possible here. I have had the experience when I walk my dog alone of men approaching me, of saying inappropriate things to me or yelling things from afar or even following me. And I know for a fact when I walk my dog with my male fiancé, that never happens. It’s not happened to me once.
But when I’m alone it happens a lot. And I also believe there’s a chance when I’m alone of that happening. Now, listen, I’m not trying to feel neutral about that or positive. I’m not trying to deny that happens or gaslight myself. I’m deciding to keep my thoughts and feelings about it. And this is really important. I recognize that the tiredness I feel from those thoughts and feelings when I am walking my dog every single day by myself, the tiredness I feel from that experience is a result of my thoughts and feelings. I recognize that.
And this is really important, and I know it’s a result of my thoughts and feelings because other people in the same or very similar circumstances to me don’t experience that tiredness, don’t have the same thoughts and feelings. And once I actually posted on Instagram my thoughts and feelings about this experience and the tiredness I have about constantly thinking, okay, who’s around me, what’s happening, where can I exit if something were to happen? What time do I need to walk today so it’s safer? Who do I need to call and let them know where I’m at?
All these thoughts that I think on purpose in that experience, I express them on Instagram. And a woman who has very similar kind of experiences in the world, not all but similar, sent me a very long message expressing her thoughts that were completely different from mine and clearly did not create tiredness for her, she was trying to convince me out of my thoughts because her experience is totally different. She doesn’t feel tired and that’s okay, her thoughts are just different than mine.
And it’s still important to recognize that’s what’s creating my tiredness is my thoughts and feelings about it and I’m choosing those thoughts and feelings on purpose because I believe them, because I’m choosing them, because I know that this is my experience. And when I go on a walk by myself I have those thoughts and feelings, they come up all the time. What reduces my tiredness from that experience changes week to week, has evolved over time. Sometimes it’s being on the phone with someone so I can access a feeling of safety in that moment.
Sometimes it’s walking at a certain time of the day so I can access feeling more confident and less worried or a number of other things. So, for you, if your experience of tiredness is from an experience or potential experience of discrimination, oppression, bias, threat, whatever it may be, or even perception of it. When I go on the walks, it doesn’t mean it’s happening, it’s my perception it could happen. I want you to answer, what does reducing your tiredness from that look like for you? That is going to look different day to day, week to week, month to month, year to year but you get to decide.
Alright, you all, so a little review, I know it was a lot we went through. Fatigue and tiredness are different. We’re defining them differently here. Fatigue is the physiological or physical experience, and you can help yourself when you are fatigued by what you think and allowing your emotions. Tiredness is the experience you have from what you’re thinking about all day and the emotions you’re not processing. And you can choose to look at those thoughts and feelings and change them to reduce or eliminate your experience of tiredness.
And if you look at your thoughts and feelings in a certain area and decide you don’t want to change them, for example, around a political issue you’re passionate about or a lived experience that you’ve had, there’s other ways to reduce your tiredness, whether reducing the stimuli or other ways to support yourself while you’re experiencing them.
Alright you all, I know that was a lot. I want you to take some time to process this. Before we go I have a quick ask. I just would love if any of you have the capacity, ability, bandwidth, desire to rate and review this podcast. It would help so much, I would greatly appreciate it. One of my goals is to get this podcast to as many folks in public health as possible so everyone can have the tools that we share here to reduce their stress, create more time, feel better and get rest.
And one of the best ways to do that is you all rating and reviewing. So that when folks search in wherever they get their podcasts for public health, or stress, or rest, or burnout, that this podcast pops up at the top. And because of the algorithm and the way they do it, the best way for that to happen is for you all to rate and review. So, if you’ve been finding this helpful, if you listen in every week, if it’s challenged your brain, I would really love it if you would consider to rate and review. I know it’s a big ask.
I know you have a lot going on. I know sometimes sharing in those forums isn’t comfortable or isn’t something we’re used to. So, if you don’t want to, if you don’t have the capacity, if you don’t feel comfortable, totally fine, keep tuning in, stay with us in this community, I love you. I want you to keep learning and listening.
But if you feel like you do have the capacity or you want to try it, I would so, so appreciate it and so would all the other public health folks who aren’t listening right now, who have no idea this podcast exists. They will be really grateful when they are able to find it because of your review. So, wherever you listen, go rate and review and it would mean so much. Thank you ahead of time, I appreciate it. I love you all. Talk to you next week.
If you found this episode helpful then you have to check out my coaching program where I provide you individualized support to create a life centered around rest. Head on over to mckoolcoaching.com, that’s M-C-K-O-O-L coaching.com to learn more.
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