139. What Is Rest?
The whole purpose of this podcast has been to address the topic of rest for public health professionals. Over the course of this podcast’s existence, we’ve explored the various facets of rest, the theories around it, and how to practice it. But today, we’re going back to basics by answering the question of, “What is rest?”
Rest isn’t just about sleeping, going on vacation, or getting a massage, and yet, that’s often what we think when we hear that word. Exhausted, burnt out, and overworked, you probably can’t wait to catch up on sleep at the weekend or plan your next vacation. While those things can be rest, the world has told you that rest is finite, temporary, and a treat you have to earn. Now, it’s time to redefine rest.
Join me on this episode to discover what rest is and what it is not. You’ll hear how our society’s definition of rest leads us to burnout, why women especially have a long history of being told we’re hysterical for needing rest, how rest is a core and essential component of being a human, and what happens when you redefine what rest means for you.
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What You Will Discover:
What rest is and is not.
How our society has gotten the definition of rest all wrong.
Why your ideas about the possibilities of rest are so limited.
The problems with thinking about rest as a cure or antidote.
4 core types of rest we all need as humans.
What happens when you change your definition of rest.
Resources:
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62. The Relationship Between Creativity, Stress, and Rest
Full Episode Transcript:
Hey you all, I’m Marissa McKool, and you’re listening to the Redefining Rest Podcast for Public Health Professionals. Here we believe rest is your right. You don’t have to earn it, you just have to learn how to take it and I’m going to teach you. Ready? Come along.
Hello, everyone, happy Monday, I have to tell you all, today is not Monday for me, I’m recording on a Tuesday. So yesterday, which was Monday for me, I wrote this episode. I was so excited. I was in the zone like, yes, yes, yes, they need to hear this, can’t wait to share this. That’s how I am when I write podcast episodes is, I’m so excited to share with all of you what I’m thinking about, what I’m learning, how I’m coaching folks, things you can apply to your day-to-day life. I’m hyped up.
I typically don’t record the same day I write it though, because it’s helpful for me to get a little space and sometimes my brain points out you forgot this or missed that, so it’s helpful to have some time. The reason I’m sharing that is today was a very different day than yesterday. Today has gone to shit. Do you all have those kind of days where it’s just you had a plan, you had a lot you were going to get done and everything is just going wrong or is just off or pissing you off or it’s just you’re behind? I mean, you all know what I mean. You’ve all been there.
Where now it’s about 4:30 and I’m like, “Okay, this is the last thing I’m going to do. I’m just going to call it a day. Tomorrow will be fresh.” I know you all can relate to me. But there’s nothing better to end my day with than talking to you all, truly, truly love it. I will miss so much recording this podcast. I’ll talk more about this next week because next week is the last episode, believe it or not.
But there’s so many times throughout the week I have ideas of things I want to teach you all and I write it down, or things that happen to me or that I’m working on, or my fuck-ups that I can’t wait to share with all of you. I still have a running list of podcast episode ideas, so I’m going to really miss speaking to you all every single week. And next week I’ll talk about why the podcast is ending and my plans and all that.
But just so you know, I’m going to miss you all very dearly on the podcast. But I’ll hopefully catch you on LinkedIn and Instagram and my email list and in my courses, in my one-on-one coaching program. So next week, do not miss next week’s episode. I’m sharing behind the scenes of the decision to end this podcast. And I think more importantly than that, even though I don’t know about you but I love behind the scenes stuff, you might not. If you don’t, still listen, because I’m sharing my process for making such a, what some might call difficult or big decision.
A decision to say no or to step down or take a break, etc. Even if you’re worried about what others will think or if it might negatively impact you or someone else. I’ll be sharing how I went through that process and you can learn from that, because I know many of you because you’ve told me, struggle with the same thing with I really want to step down from this committee, I don’t have enough time for it, but I’m worried about x, y and z. Or I really want to switch jobs, but I don’t know if I should or can because x, y and z, and you get stuck.
So next week tune in because you’ll hear my process for making those big decisions and it will help you get unstuck. I’m also sharing my plans for 2024, how you can continue to get coaching and teaching and help from me to reduce your stress, how to stay informed and in the loop about joining my coaching program and any other resources I share. So don’t miss next week’s episode.
But today I was so excited for this episode for a lot of reasons but mainly because it really roots us into the whole purpose of this podcast in general. So we are going to answer the question of what is rest. I’ve talked a lot about rest on this podcast, if you’re an OG listener, you know, if you’re a new listener, welcome. The episodes are still available for you to check out. I’ve had podcast episodes on intentional rest, how creativity creates rest, why vacation is important, what to do when rest feels uncomfortable, money’s role in rest. the power of decisions to create rest, theories of rest.
Answering the question if rest is a privilege, how to practice rest and many others related, tied to burnout and stress and many, many, many other things. I even did, some of you might remember this, a whole rest series where I interviewed other public health leaders, professionals on how they get rest. But I want to go back to the foundation, to the basics, to the roots of what rest is and is not. This is a core teaching I include in all of my courses because it’s so important.
I think we, us, society has our definition of rest completely wrong and it leads us to burnout. Rest is not just sleeping or going on vacation or getting a massage, yet that’s often what we think of when we hear that word. Or when we’re feeling exhausted, our brain goes immediately to the solution of, well, Saturday I could finally sleep in, catch up on sleep. Or when we are just completely done with work, we’re just over it, we’re frustrated, things are going wrong. Immediately we think of our next vacation.
Or when we are overworking, working nights and weekends, we have a deadline coming up, there is a lot of pressure, a lot of projects at the same time, that kind of overworking, we sometimes treat ourselves to a pedicure or a massage. And this isn’t just at work, it’s at home too. So just as one example, if you have kids and you’re overwhelmed by parenting, your first thought or fantasy or daydream might be getting two hours of peace and quiet alone.
Now, all those things can be rest but the problem is the world has defined rest to be finite, having limits or bounds, to be temporary, only short term or for a limited period of time, to be rare, not happening very often, to be a treat, something that you have to earn. And yes, we have been taught it is a privilege, something you have to have a certain caliber to have access to, whether it’s financially or title based or resources or something else.
And your brain is defining rest the same way. That’s why your ideas of rest are so limited. That’s why you only think of rest as an antidote to overwhelm, exhaustion, overworking, like a rest cure and this is by design. In the late 1800s, early 1900s, during the industrialized revolution when there was a shift in the economic functioning, economic center, I guess you could say. Prior to the industrialized revolution was really in the homes, in the agricultural fields, which were closely tied to people’s homes.
That shifted to factories in city centers, and technology was rapidly changing, trains being invented, it was easier to travel. More people were moving to city centers, it was becoming more crowded in certain areas. And at the time, people were presenting to doctors with symptoms from headaches to chronic fatigue and everything in between. And at the time it was termed, nervous exhaustion.
But men were diagnosed with neurasthenia. I’m pretty sure I’m pronouncing that wrong, but it’s no longer a diagnosis, but at the time it was, and they were given treatment of fresh air and exercise and what they called primitive living, which was cattle roping, hunting. Basically, activities that at the time, many of the men would enjoy or do anyways. Women with the same symptoms were diagnosed with, can you guess? Hysteria, and given the treatment of bed rest and dark rooms with a bland diet and sometimes even electrotherapy. And it was known as the rest cure.
Why am I sharing this? Because as people socialized as women, we have a long history of being told that we’re just being hysterical for needing rest or nervous system support or even having emotions. And living in a society that’s so focused on productivity and production and capitalism and hustle, which, by the way, the industrialized revolution really blew that whole concept up of productivity and production and capitalism, going to the extreme and being all that mattered.
Since then, I’m sure the roots are from before, but that really was such a turning point. And up until modern day we are told that rest is really only for when you hit that exhaustion, when you’ve done enough, when you’ve earned it. So society’s definition of rest requires you to overwork in order to access rest. And by defining it as a cure, even if you haven’t actually defined it that way, your brain is thinking about it that way because that’s how society talks about it in indirect, subtle and sometimes direct ways we think about it as an antidote.
And so unconsciously we end up burning out before we give ourselves permission to rest and it keeps us in a hamster wheel, which is exactly what toxic capitalism, the patriarchy and hustle culture wants. But that’s not what rest is. It’s not a cure or an antidote, while, yes, if you get to extreme burnout, rest is required, obviously.
But rest, when we really think about it, is a core essential necessary component of being a human, not a requirement of a human burned out, a requirement of a human. It’s not an afterthought or an optional experience. It’s part of the human experience, not a small part, a big part. There are four core types of rest as I see it.
Number one, physiological rest. This is the rest your mind and body receives that you might not even be aware of. It happens internally, a lot of times without your control, or at least a lot of your control. So when you’re asleep, your mind consolidates memories. After you eat, we have the rest and digest mechanism to help maintain a stable internal state. Your body repairs muscles and between physical activity.
Then number two, there’s mental rest. This is the rest you get when you have a managed mind. When you’re not spending all your mental energy being worried or questioning yourself or doubting yourself. Or being stuck in indecision, ping ponging between options or being mean to yourself, shoulding on yourself, putting yourself down, people pleasing, worrying what other people think, wondering what other people think of you.
Mental rest is the absence of mental exhaustion, of your mind always being on, carrying the mental load. Think of your brain, when it doesn’t have mental rest as that overstuffed kitchen drawer we all have, that’s trying to hold everything, every odds and ends at once, and you can barely close it. That’s our brains when we don’t have mental rest. When you clear out that drawer, you get mental rest. You also get mental rest when that constant mean girl in your head stops critiquing and judging everything you do and you have acceptance and unconditional love for yourself.
And then number three, emotional rest. This is the rest you get when you allow emotions instead of suppressing them. When you suppress your emotions, you get stuck in shame and guilt and anxiety and doubt and overwhelm and any other emotion you’re feeling. But when you have emotional rest, you know how to allow those emotions and process them without getting stuck, you can move through them. You can decide on purpose what to feel about what’s happening in your life. Your emotions are no longer in control of you, you are in control of them.
And number four, physical rest. This is the rest you give your body when it needs it. And this is the piece that you have some control over. It might mean taking walking breaks when you sit at your desk for eight hours or eating lunch when your stomach growls or laying down when you are tired or stretching when you feel sore, those kind of things.
Now, we could break it down even further. I’ve seen people talk about spiritual rest and social rest and creativity rest, and all of those are great. But I find it most helpful to think of rest in these four main areas, physiological, mental, emotional and physical because when you access and have regular, sustainable, consistent rest in those areas it’s so much easier to get that spiritual, social, creative and other forms of rest. Because if you don’t have mental and emotional rest especially, accessing spiritual and social and creative rest can be very difficult.
And yes, we can go into, well, spiritual rest can create mental and emotional rest and so can creativity. I have a whole episode on that. Absolutely. But it’s very hard and this is what I coach a lot of people on, of doing the things you need to do to access spiritual creativity, social rest, like going and participating in a social group or planning time for creativity or joining a class. All those things are hard to make happen if you don’t have mental and emotional rest in the first place.
So here is how I want you to start defining rest because when you change your definition of rest, rest expands. You can access it so much more frequently. You can enjoy it more often and it has such a bigger impact on your life. Rest is expansive. It’s a large scope. There’s so many things that can be restful for you and you can have it so much more than you think is possible. Rest is always available. It’s something that you can have when you want or need it. You don’t have to wait or ask permission or raise your hand.
And rest is a choice. It is something you take, not are given, not earned, you choose it. When you redefine rest, rest is no longer so fucking hard. I hear from so many of you, “Why does rest feel so hard?” It doesn’t have to, you have to redefine rest to make it easy. Part of the reason it feels hard to carve out time to rest or to prioritize yourself is because you believe, intentionally or not, consciously or not, that rest has to be earned, that rest is a reward, that productivity matters more.
That you need to be doing everything for everyone else, that what other people think of you matters more than what you think of you, that your negative self-defeating thoughts are true. None of that shit is true. All of that is toxic productivity, toxic capitalism, hustle culture, patriarchy bullshit. Because who benefits when you overwork and don’t have daily sustainable rest? Those systems of oppression. You don’t benefit, your goals don’t benefit, nor your dreams or desires or fulfillment or joy or career or anything else.
Rest is not hard, it just feels hard. Rest is not a big event that only comes after you completely burn yourself out. Rest is a regular daily, weekly experience you can have. Rest is eating your lunch away from your desk. Rest is drinking enough water. Rest is having fun with makeup. Rest is setting boundaries. Rest is feeling confident. Rest is saying no to what you don’t want to do. Rest is spending time in nature. Rest is [inaudible]. Rest is protecting your time. Rest is believing in yourself.
Rest is no longer hustling for your worth. Rest is ordering takeout one week and cooking for yourself another week. Rest is getting outside when it’s sunny. Rest is curling up on the couch and watching Netflix when it’s snowing. Rest is being present with your kids. Rest is allowing other people to have their feelings without trying to change them. Rest is no longer people pleasing. Rest is revolutionary.
Listen, you all, I don’t know if you heard it, there are some sirens that went off as I was sharing all that. And I think that was just a sign from the universe that you all need to listen to this. It’s so powerful that sirens went off in my neighborhood. But really rest is integral in your life, it needs to be integrated throughout every day. And it is unique and personal to you. My form of rest, for example, having fun with makeup might not be yours.
Your form of rest might be not wearing makeup and using the time you would spend doing that, reading a book or drinking coffee or going for a walk or something else. Rest is flexible and always changing and adapting. What’s restful for you this week might be different than next week, it might change season to season. It might change based on the chapters of your life.
But in order to access your unique rest that’s personal to you, in order to harness rest as it’s changing and needed and make it flexible and accessible, you have to know your mind and body. For so many of you, you are detached from knowing yourself, from knowing your mind and body, from having a real relationship with yourself. To be able to tune into the cues of what you need and want, when your brain is sending you signals of when it needs rest and what kind of rest. When your body is trying to tell you what kind of rest it needs.
And you also have to have the confidence to give it to yourself even if it means going against hustle culture, even if it means doing things differently than those in your office. And it’s time to change all of that, listen, as I’m recording this, the past several weeks have been really heavy in the world. And there’s been a lot of conversation, how the past several years have been really heavy, from COVID to the economy to genocides to gun violence, to so many things.
Life is too short to stay stuck on the hamster wheel of burnout. You are too talented and skilled and knowledgeable and trained to stay stuck, stressed out in your career where you are. Life is too precious to deny yourself access to daily rest your mind and body needs, to the joy you’ll get from it. It’s time to stop waiting for fulfillment and purpose to find you. It’s time to start creating it but you have to have regular sustainable rest in order to achieve that aim.
So many people come to my consults, come talk to me about, I feel really lost in my career. I really want to find a purpose. I’m not fulfilled. What they don’t realize is what’s getting in their way is their burnout, their stress, not resting. The answer isn’t outside of you. The answer is inside of you, but you have to do that work first. Rest isn’t about the perfect circumstance of a job that has great work life balance with no other life stressors happening.
Rest is about taking control of your life, integrating more of what you love, and enjoy, prioritizing yourself without feeling selfish. Creating a life where you can look back with no regrets.
If you are listening to this episode before January 5th, I want you to schedule a consult for my coaching program. It’s not open to the general public at this time, it’s only open to you, my podcast listeners. Go to the link in my show notes, pick a day and time that works for you, schedule it. It’s completely free. We’ll talk about how to transform your life, deal with the challenges you’re facing, make the changes you want so you can have more daily rest and joy and fulfillment, and no more of the burnout.
And if you decide to join the program before January 5th, you’ll get $500 off the cost of the program. I don’t want you to wait. Do it now, head to the show notes, click on that link to schedule a call with me. And I’ll see you all next week for the very last episode. Bye everyone. If you found this episode helpful then you have to check out my coaching program where I provide you individualized support to create a life centered around rest. Head on over to mckoolcoaching.com, that’s M-C-K-O-O-L coaching.com to learn more.
Hello, everyone, happy Monday, I have to tell you all, today is not Monday for me, I’m recording on a Tuesday. So yesterday, which was Monday for me, I wrote this episode. I was so excited. I was in the zone like, yes, yes, yes, they need to hear this, can’t wait to share this. That’s how I am when I write podcast episodes is, I’m so excited to share with all of you what I’m thinking about, what I’m learning, how I’m coaching folks, things you can apply to your day-to-day life. I’m hyped up.
I typically don’t record the same day I write it though, because it’s helpful for me to get a little space and sometimes my brain points out you forgot this or missed that, so it’s helpful to have some time. The reason I’m sharing that is today was a very different day than yesterday. Today has gone to shit. Do you all have those kind of days where it’s just you had a plan, you had a lot you were going to get done and everything is just going wrong or is just off or pissing you off or it’s just you’re behind? I mean, you all know what I mean. You’ve all been there.
Where now it’s about 4:30 and I’m like, “Okay, this is the last thing I’m going to do. I’m just going to call it a day. Tomorrow will be fresh.” I know you all can relate to me. But there’s nothing better to end my day with than talking to you all, truly, truly love it. I will miss so much recording this podcast. I’ll talk more about this next week because next week is the last episode, believe it or not.
But there’s so many times throughout the week I have ideas of things I want to teach you all and I write it down, or things that happen to me or that I’m working on, or my fuck-ups that I can’t wait to share with all of you. I still have a running list of podcast episode ideas, so I’m going to really miss speaking to you all every single week. And next week I’ll talk about why the podcast is ending and my plans and all that.
But just so you know, I’m going to miss you all very dearly on the podcast. But I’ll hopefully catch you on LinkedIn and Instagram and my email list and in my courses, in my one-on-one coaching program. So next week, do not miss next week’s episode. I’m sharing behind the scenes of the decision to end this podcast. And I think more importantly than that, even though I don’t know about you but I love behind the scenes stuff, you might not. If you don’t, still listen, because I’m sharing my process for making such a, what some might call difficult or big decision.
A decision to say no or to step down or take a break, etc. Even if you’re worried about what others will think or if it might negatively impact you or someone else. I’ll be sharing how I went through that process and you can learn from that, because I know many of you because you’ve told me, struggle with the same thing with I really want to step down from this committee, I don’t have enough time for it, but I’m worried about x, y and z. Or I really want to switch jobs, but I don’t know if I should or can because x, y and z, and you get stuck.
So next week tune in because you’ll hear my process for making those big decisions and it will help you get unstuck. I’m also sharing my plans for 2024, how you can continue to get coaching and teaching and help from me to reduce your stress, how to stay informed and in the loop about joining my coaching program and any other resources I share. So don’t miss next week’s episode.
But today I was so excited for this episode for a lot of reasons but mainly because it really roots us into the whole purpose of this podcast in general. So we are going to answer the question of what is rest. I’ve talked a lot about rest on this podcast, if you’re an OG listener, you know, if you’re a new listener, welcome. The episodes are still available for you to check out. I’ve had podcast episodes on intentional rest, how creativity creates rest, why vacation is important, what to do when rest feels uncomfortable, money’s role in rest. the power of decisions to create rest, theories of rest.
Answering the question if rest is a privilege, how to practice rest and many others related, tied to burnout and stress and many, many, many other things. I even did, some of you might remember this, a whole rest series where I interviewed other public health leaders, professionals on how they get rest. But I want to go back to the foundation, to the basics, to the roots of what rest is and is not. This is a core teaching I include in all of my courses because it’s so important.
I think we, us, society has our definition of rest completely wrong and it leads us to burnout. Rest is not just sleeping or going on vacation or getting a massage, yet that’s often what we think of when we hear that word. Or when we’re feeling exhausted, our brain goes immediately to the solution of, well, Saturday I could finally sleep in, catch up on sleep. Or when we are just completely done with work, we’re just over it, we’re frustrated, things are going wrong. Immediately we think of our next vacation.
Or when we are overworking, working nights and weekends, we have a deadline coming up, there is a lot of pressure, a lot of projects at the same time, that kind of overworking, we sometimes treat ourselves to a pedicure or a massage. And this isn’t just at work, it’s at home too. So just as one example, if you have kids and you’re overwhelmed by parenting, your first thought or fantasy or daydream might be getting two hours of peace and quiet alone.
Now, all those things can be rest but the problem is the world has defined rest to be finite, having limits or bounds, to be temporary, only short term or for a limited period of time, to be rare, not happening very often, to be a treat, something that you have to earn. And yes, we have been taught it is a privilege, something you have to have a certain caliber to have access to, whether it’s financially or title based or resources or something else.
And your brain is defining rest the same way. That’s why your ideas of rest are so limited. That’s why you only think of rest as an antidote to overwhelm, exhaustion, overworking, like a rest cure and this is by design. In the late 1800s, early 1900s, during the industrialized revolution when there was a shift in the economic functioning, economic center, I guess you could say. Prior to the industrialized revolution was really in the homes, in the agricultural fields, which were closely tied to people’s homes.
That shifted to factories in city centers, and technology was rapidly changing, trains being invented, it was easier to travel. More people were moving to city centers, it was becoming more crowded in certain areas. And at the time, people were presenting to doctors with symptoms from headaches to chronic fatigue and everything in between. And at the time it was termed, nervous exhaustion.
But men were diagnosed with neurasthenia. I’m pretty sure I’m pronouncing that wrong, but it’s no longer a diagnosis, but at the time it was, and they were given treatment of fresh air and exercise and what they called primitive living, which was cattle roping, hunting. Basically, activities that at the time, many of the men would enjoy or do anyways. Women with the same symptoms were diagnosed with, can you guess? Hysteria, and given the treatment of bed rest and dark rooms with a bland diet and sometimes even electrotherapy. And it was known as the rest cure.
Why am I sharing this? Because as people socialized as women, we have a long history of being told that we’re just being hysterical for needing rest or nervous system support or even having emotions. And living in a society that’s so focused on productivity and production and capitalism and hustle, which, by the way, the industrialized revolution really blew that whole concept up of productivity and production and capitalism, going to the extreme and being all that mattered.
Since then, I’m sure the roots are from before, but that really was such a turning point. And up until modern day we are told that rest is really only for when you hit that exhaustion, when you’ve done enough, when you’ve earned it. So society’s definition of rest requires you to overwork in order to access rest. And by defining it as a cure, even if you haven’t actually defined it that way, your brain is thinking about it that way because that’s how society talks about it in indirect, subtle and sometimes direct ways we think about it as an antidote.
And so unconsciously we end up burning out before we give ourselves permission to rest and it keeps us in a hamster wheel, which is exactly what toxic capitalism, the patriarchy and hustle culture wants. But that’s not what rest is. It’s not a cure or an antidote, while, yes, if you get to extreme burnout, rest is required, obviously.
But rest, when we really think about it, is a core essential necessary component of being a human, not a requirement of a human burned out, a requirement of a human. It’s not an afterthought or an optional experience. It’s part of the human experience, not a small part, a big part. There are four core types of rest as I see it.
Number one, physiological rest. This is the rest your mind and body receives that you might not even be aware of. It happens internally, a lot of times without your control, or at least a lot of your control. So when you’re asleep, your mind consolidates memories. After you eat, we have the rest and digest mechanism to help maintain a stable internal state. Your body repairs muscles and between physical activity.
Then number two, there’s mental rest. This is the rest you get when you have a managed mind. When you’re not spending all your mental energy being worried or questioning yourself or doubting yourself. Or being stuck in indecision, ping ponging between options or being mean to yourself, shoulding on yourself, putting yourself down, people pleasing, worrying what other people think, wondering what other people think of you.
Mental rest is the absence of mental exhaustion, of your mind always being on, carrying the mental load. Think of your brain, when it doesn’t have mental rest as that overstuffed kitchen drawer we all have, that’s trying to hold everything, every odds and ends at once, and you can barely close it. That’s our brains when we don’t have mental rest. When you clear out that drawer, you get mental rest. You also get mental rest when that constant mean girl in your head stops critiquing and judging everything you do and you have acceptance and unconditional love for yourself.
And then number three, emotional rest. This is the rest you get when you allow emotions instead of suppressing them. When you suppress your emotions, you get stuck in shame and guilt and anxiety and doubt and overwhelm and any other emotion you’re feeling. But when you have emotional rest, you know how to allow those emotions and process them without getting stuck, you can move through them. You can decide on purpose what to feel about what’s happening in your life. Your emotions are no longer in control of you, you are in control of them.
And number four, physical rest. This is the rest you give your body when it needs it. And this is the piece that you have some control over. It might mean taking walking breaks when you sit at your desk for eight hours or eating lunch when your stomach growls or laying down when you are tired or stretching when you feel sore, those kind of things.
Now, we could break it down even further. I’ve seen people talk about spiritual rest and social rest and creativity rest, and all of those are great. But I find it most helpful to think of rest in these four main areas, physiological, mental, emotional and physical because when you access and have regular, sustainable, consistent rest in those areas it’s so much easier to get that spiritual, social, creative and other forms of rest. Because if you don’t have mental and emotional rest especially, accessing spiritual and social and creative rest can be very difficult.
And yes, we can go into, well, spiritual rest can create mental and emotional rest and so can creativity. I have a whole episode on that. Absolutely. But it’s very hard and this is what I coach a lot of people on, of doing the things you need to do to access spiritual creativity, social rest, like going and participating in a social group or planning time for creativity or joining a class. All those things are hard to make happen if you don’t have mental and emotional rest in the first place.
So here is how I want you to start defining rest because when you change your definition of rest, rest expands. You can access it so much more frequently. You can enjoy it more often and it has such a bigger impact on your life. Rest is expansive. It’s a large scope. There’s so many things that can be restful for you and you can have it so much more than you think is possible. Rest is always available. It’s something that you can have when you want or need it. You don’t have to wait or ask permission or raise your hand.
And rest is a choice. It is something you take, not are given, not earned, you choose it. When you redefine rest, rest is no longer so fucking hard. I hear from so many of you, “Why does rest feel so hard?” It doesn’t have to, you have to redefine rest to make it easy. Part of the reason it feels hard to carve out time to rest or to prioritize yourself is because you believe, intentionally or not, consciously or not, that rest has to be earned, that rest is a reward, that productivity matters more.
That you need to be doing everything for everyone else, that what other people think of you matters more than what you think of you, that your negative self-defeating thoughts are true. None of that shit is true. All of that is toxic productivity, toxic capitalism, hustle culture, patriarchy bullshit. Because who benefits when you overwork and don’t have daily sustainable rest? Those systems of oppression. You don’t benefit, your goals don’t benefit, nor your dreams or desires or fulfillment or joy or career or anything else.
Rest is not hard, it just feels hard. Rest is not a big event that only comes after you completely burn yourself out. Rest is a regular daily, weekly experience you can have. Rest is eating your lunch away from your desk. Rest is drinking enough water. Rest is having fun with makeup. Rest is setting boundaries. Rest is feeling confident. Rest is saying no to what you don’t want to do. Rest is spending time in nature. Rest is [inaudible]. Rest is protecting your time. Rest is believing in yourself.
Rest is no longer hustling for your worth. Rest is ordering takeout one week and cooking for yourself another week. Rest is getting outside when it’s sunny. Rest is curling up on the couch and watching Netflix when it’s snowing. Rest is being present with your kids. Rest is allowing other people to have their feelings without trying to change them. Rest is no longer people pleasing. Rest is revolutionary.
Listen, you all, I don’t know if you heard it, there are some sirens that went off as I was sharing all that. And I think that was just a sign from the universe that you all need to listen to this. It’s so powerful that sirens went off in my neighborhood. But really rest is integral in your life, it needs to be integrated throughout every day. And it is unique and personal to you. My form of rest, for example, having fun with makeup might not be yours.
Your form of rest might be not wearing makeup and using the time you would spend doing that, reading a book or drinking coffee or going for a walk or something else. Rest is flexible and always changing and adapting. What’s restful for you this week might be different than next week, it might change season to season. It might change based on the chapters of your life.
But in order to access your unique rest that’s personal to you, in order to harness rest as it’s changing and needed and make it flexible and accessible, you have to know your mind and body. For so many of you, you are detached from knowing yourself, from knowing your mind and body, from having a real relationship with yourself. To be able to tune into the cues of what you need and want, when your brain is sending you signals of when it needs rest and what kind of rest. When your body is trying to tell you what kind of rest it needs.
And you also have to have the confidence to give it to yourself even if it means going against hustle culture, even if it means doing things differently than those in your office. And it’s time to change all of that, listen, as I’m recording this, the past several weeks have been really heavy in the world. And there’s been a lot of conversation, how the past several years have been really heavy, from COVID to the economy to genocides to gun violence, to so many things.
Life is too short to stay stuck on the hamster wheel of burnout. You are too talented and skilled and knowledgeable and trained to stay stuck, stressed out in your career where you are. Life is too precious to deny yourself access to daily rest your mind and body needs, to the joy you’ll get from it. It’s time to stop waiting for fulfillment and purpose to find you. It’s time to start creating it but you have to have regular sustainable rest in order to achieve that aim.
So many people come to my consults, come talk to me about, I feel really lost in my career. I really want to find a purpose. I’m not fulfilled. What they don’t realize is what’s getting in their way is their burnout, their stress, not resting. The answer isn’t outside of you. The answer is inside of you, but you have to do that work first. Rest isn’t about the perfect circumstance of a job that has great work life balance with no other life stressors happening.
Rest is about taking control of your life, integrating more of what you love, and enjoy, prioritizing yourself without feeling selfish. Creating a life where you can look back with no regrets.
If you are listening to this episode before January 5th, I want you to schedule a consult for my coaching program. It’s not open to the general public at this time, it’s only open to you, my podcast listeners. Go to the link in my show notes, pick a day and time that works for you, schedule it. It’s completely free. We’ll talk about how to transform your life, deal with the challenges you’re facing, make the changes you want so you can have more daily rest and joy and fulfillment, and no more of the burnout.
And if you decide to join the program before January 5th, you’ll get $500 off the cost of the program. I don’t want you to wait. Do it now, head to the show notes, click on that link to schedule a call with me. And I’ll see you all next week for the very last episode. Bye everyone. If you found this episode helpful then you have to check out my coaching program where I provide you individualized support to create a life centered around rest. Head on over to mckoolcoaching.com, that’s M-C-K-O-O-L coaching.com to learn more.
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