58. Why You Aren't Taking PTO
Your life was intended to be experienced so much more fully than just spending it in its entirety sitting at your desk or computer. Time off is an important part of being a human, and a must-have, both for scientific reasons and for the simple and very important reason that you are a human who gets to experience relaxation and pleasure.
So many people have access to paid time off at their workplace, yet they choose not to use it. And yes – I said choose. Because when you don’t take time off, it is a choice. Extended periods of time off are not a luxury, they’re a necessity. Whether you want to take a day or a week off, to travel or not, we’re changing the way you think about PTO in this week’s episode.
Tune in this week as I share the first thing people say when I ask them why they haven’t taken a vacation, and the three most common reasons people aren’t taking a vacation. Learn the only thing truly preventing you from taking time off, and how to stop convincing yourself you can’t and start taking the time off that you are entitled to.
If you want to take this work deeper and learn the tools and skills to feel better, all while having my support and guidance each step of the way, I invite you to set up a time to chat with me. Click here to grab a spot on my calendar and I can’t wait to speak to you!
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What You Will Discover:
Why I don’t believe rest is defined by a certain set of activities.
The reason so many people feel like they can’t take a vacation.
Why taking time off is a choice.
How your brain might be unintentionally leaning into toxic productivity culture.
What a reluctance to take time off really boils down to.
How to reduce the stress you feel around your workload and taking a vacation.
What happens when you choose to not take time off.
Why you do not have to earn rest.
Resources:
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Full Episode Transcript:
Hey you all, I’m Marissa McKool, and you’re listening to the Redefining Rest Podcast for public health professionals. Here we believe rest is your right. You don’t have to earn it, you just have to learn how to take it and I’m going to teach you. Ready? Come along.
Hello, hello, hello, you all, I’m in such a good mood and you know why? Because I have a vacation starting in two days. My partner and I are going to Mexico for a full week, email off, out of office, going to be in an all-inclusive resort, yes, I know, it’s very touristy. But I just wanted a week of not even having to think of pulling out my credit card to pay for dinner. I wanted the full experience of not having to make a decision. All the decisions are already made. We’re going to just hang out at the resort. There’s so much to do, and just relax.
And some of you may or may not know my partner works in sports. So, he’s working lots of nights and weekends and really doesn’t get a lot of time off. So, we have made a commitment to each other that every year we will go on a weeklong vacation together, just the two of us, no work. And it’s my highlight. I love it. I’m so happy. I’m so excited. I will say leading up to this that has meant my work has shifted quite a bit and it’s been a variety of balls to juggle in the air and things to get done.
So next week’s podcast episode I’m actually going to be sharing some insights from that of how to manage when you just have a lot going on, you have a crazy week, whether you’re going on vacation or you have family in town coinciding with work projects, whatever it may be. We’ve all been there. So, you can stay tuned to that for next week. But I really wanted to talk to you all a bit more about taking time off.
I had a past episode that so many of you found helpful called Vacation Brain about what happens in our mind when we’re actually on vacation. But more, and more, and more I’ve been seeing some clients, some colleagues who aren’t even taking vacation. Now, listen, you all know I do not believe that rest is defined by a certain set of activities. I don’t believe the only way to get rest is to take time off or go on a vacation. I don’t believe you have to go out of the country or to a fancy all inclusive resort to get rest.
But I do think this is important to talk about because for most of you listening, if you work in public health you likely, and if you’re a full-time employee, likely have access to paid time off, now, not everyone of course. But if you do have access to paid time off, which means you can take time off work and still get paid, that is an opportunity to get rest. But so many of you aren’t using that opportunity. And so, we’re going to talk about that today.
And we’re going to talk about in the context of whether you take one day off or a whole week off, you do a staycation or travel, whatever it may be. And I’m not talking about necessarily around a holiday where your office might shut down for a week. I’m talking about you deciding, I’m going to take time off for me. I had so many colleagues of mine who had a full vacation bank, meaning if you are on accrued PTO some companies cap it out. Once you accrue a certain amount of hours or days you can’t accrue any more.
And I had so many colleagues who were at their cap and still weren’t taking days off and literally losing vacation days because they could not accrue any more. There are some folks, some organizations that have a use it or lose it. So, if you don’t take your two weeks for example during the year you just lose that. So many of you are choosing not to take those weeks and just losing them. We’re going to change that today. And then there are some of you who if you do take vacation you believe you can only do it if it’s for a ‘justifiable’ event.
You feel more comfortable requesting time off if you can say, “It’s for my cousin’s wedding or my child’s graduation.” Because in your mind that is justifiable. You won’t get questioned about that. But if you were to just say, “Hey, I’m taking time off”, with no explanation or, “I want to take every Friday off”, with no explanation, with no, “I have childcare issues”, or this or that. Just to take it off you feel uncomfortable about that because you’re worried about what that means about you, what other people will think.
So, everything we’re talking about today applies to whether you’re struggling to take a random Friday off or a whole week off, whether it’s to travel or to not. And then here’s the other thing, some of you, I see you, you take PTO, officially take it but you still work that day, you still work on vacation, you still work even if you’re at home taking PTO. It’s clocked as PTO but you’re still checking email, you’re still doing work. And you’re like, “It’s not a big deal, it’s just a little thing.” No, we’ve got to change that, you all.
So that’s what we’re talking about today, if you are on vacation or about to be, also check out the Vacation Brain episode because that will helpful. So, the first thing people say when I ask them why they haven’t taken vacation is, “I can’t.” And then I ask, “Why can’t you?” And here are the three most common reasons. Most reasons distill into these categories. I don’t have time which can also sound like, I am too busy, it’s too busy of a time, it will burden others.
Or the third one, my favorite, it will just create more stress because I’ll come back from vacation and my work will be piled up, so what’s the point. So, here’s the first thing, stop saying you can’t because that’s a lie. You can, it is a choice and own that. At least be honest and say, “I’m choosing not to”, rather than lie to yourself. Own that it is a choice. Saying I can’t is just a way for you to avoid facing the truth that you are denying yourself rest even if you did not have access to paid time off and taking days off meant not getting paid for those days, it’s still a choice.
I grew up and my dad didn’t have paid time off. He still chose sometimes not to work and just not make that money. I’m not saying you have to choose that, just be honest, it’s a choice. Some people choose to use all of their PTO every year and then even take unpaid time. Some people choose to take PTO for a month straight. Some people choose to take vacation unpaid. Some people choose to use sick time for vacation. It’s all a choice. It’s not that you can’t, it’s that you’re choosing not to.
So, let’s go over your reasons here. You might have one or all three of these reasons that come up in your head. The first being, I’m too busy. Being busy and not having time is a lie. It’s made up. There is no such thing as busy. There’s no objective thing as that. And you have time, time didn’t disappear, didn’t slip through your fingers, no one robbed you of it. You have it, it is yours and you choose how to use it. You choose how to fill your time. You choose how much of it you will use for x, y, and z.
You will choose what not to use it for. It’s all a choice, so don’t lie to yourself about that. The second reason, I will burden others. This, when I coach on this it always boils down to worrying about what other people will think of you and what you’ll make it mean about you, that you’re selfish, that you’re not a team player, that you’re inconsiderate, that you’re rude. Those thoughts in your head about yourself is really what your brain is afraid of and is avoiding when you just tell yourself that you’re going to burden others.
And I know your brain has all the evidence of why truly it would burden others. But that isn’t true. First, most often there is not work that has to truly be done in the week you are gone that cannot be pushed back or paused. And if there is, let’s say you work in a medical center, and you’re working with actual clients, your supervisor, your colleagues also have a choice, if they choose to not cover for you or not take on work, that is their choice. That is not your fault, you are not burdening them, that’s their free choice.
Your brain might want to say, even having to ask them is a burden for them because they’re just going to say yes to be nice and feel obligated. No, stop that. Stop trying to justify this belief by pretending you can read other people’s minds. Even if they felt obligated, even if they said yes just to be nice, that is their choice. It has nothing to do with you. You are not causing them to take that action. You are not causing them to think and feel that way. That is on them, not you. And honestly, nine out of 10 times they don’t.
One of the benefits of the public health workforce is we care so much about each other. Do you know how many times when I saw colleagues say they’re going to take time off and ask for help, most of the people around them were like, “Fuck, yeah, I’m so happy for you. I’m happy to help you.” So, most of the time our brain is lying to us but even if it turns out your supervisor or colleague says no, or they think that it’s burdening them, that is not your problem. You are not causing that, those are optional thoughts they are choosing to have.
And then the third one, I’ll have more work pile up if I take vacation. This means, this tells me that you define the experience of stress, and you think what determines stress is the amount of work or to-do’s you have. And when you define stress this way or you believe this is how stress is created, which side note, it’s not, and then by that definition you will never choose to take time off.
Because when you believe that, the only way to take ‘vacation’ is to magically get work taken off your plate equal to the amount of a one week vacation let’s say, or however much time you want to take off. The stress you experience occurs because of your thinking, not your to-do list. It’s the thoughts about your to-do list that creates stress. Your thoughts about your to-do list or your work is what creates your emotional experience, whether feeling overwhelmed or frustrated. And then that creates the physiological experience of stress.
Your thinking creates your stress, the thoughts you think kick in your stress response. So actually, if you want to reduce your stress allowing yourself to change your thinking will do that, not deciding not to take vacation. And actually, allowing your brain respite and reprieve from all the thoughts you are already thinking right now that creates stress will actually help you do that, it’s the exact opposite of what you believe. When you choose not to take time off that actually increases the experience of stress, not delays it, or avoids it.
And here is really what I believe. For many of us all of these reasons are just a cover for the root beliefs we hold which is that you have to deserve rest and you don’t, you have to earn rest and you haven’t. And that productivity is more important than rest. All of these beliefs are an outcome of toxic capitalism and industrialized thinking really, and also other systems of oppression of course, the patriarchy and white supremacy.
Whereby we believe and have been told that humans should be like machines, particularly some humans more than others based on their identity or whatever society thinks about them. And when you believe this you will always find reasons to deny yourself rest. And the reasons you give just sound more common and acceptable, ways to say, “I think I don’t deserve rest. I don’t think I’ve earned it. I think productivity is more important than rest.” This is why I say burnout is a choice, it’s a prime example.
And when I say choice, I don’t mean, you have absorbed these beliefs. You weren’t born thinking these. We have internalized them. But once you learn about them you can choose to undo that thinking. You are choosing to not take vacation and lying to yourself saying it’s not a choice and saying you can’t. And then you give some seemingly plausible palatable reason that sounds justifiable about denying yourself rest. You tell yourself if your organization hired 10 more people, or doubled your salary, or gave you free lunch, or if you won the lottery then you would be able to take vacation.
I just have to say you all, stop, enough. There are already enough structural barriers to taking rest, do not become one yourself. Did you hear me? Let me repeat that. There are already enough structural barriers to taking rest, do not become one yourself. Stop denying yourself rest. Stop lying to yourself. Decide to take rest even when your brain offers you some bullshit thoughts. Your brain will still have these thoughts. You get to choose not to buy into them. You get to choose not to believe them, not attach to them, not to give in to them.
Anchor yourself to what is meaningful about taking time off or going on vacation for you. What do you enjoy about it? What matters to you? What excites you? You have these reasons already. They are just drowned out by your brain’s nonsense about all the ‘reasons’ you can’t take rest. And listen, we could talk about the science of rest. There is a lot, a lot of science and evidence about the benefits of rest. For example, it shows that long periods off working are actually where you learn and when your brain processes what you’ve been learning and creates the aha moments.
There is a lot of examples of major inventions we use to this day where the inventor thought about it or realized the solution when they weren’t working. We could talk about how if you struggle with sleep, actually there has been some studies that going on vacation and sleeping somewhere else in a different bed on a different schedule can actually be a helpful way to disrupt your unhelpful patterns and sleep better. I can also share about how studies show that spending long periods of time in nature decreases stress hormones and so much more.
But I actually do not find that learning that science helps too much in motivating you to take more rest. And that is because these beliefs, that rest has to be earned, that rest is a reward, that rest is for the deserving. That productivity matters more are so intrinsically ingrained into our brain from our society that we have to work on undoing those first. Before the science of it can really help us in taking rest. So, one of the ways that I find that helpful is to lean into what may be more intrinsically motivating than the science piece itself, even if you’re a science nerd.
And sometimes that is just looking at what matters most to you in life in general. Is it family time? Is it trying new food? Is it learning about new cultures? What are some of the things in life you truly enjoy and wish you had more time for? Is it cooking new recipes that need more time? Is it long road trips that allow you to think? Is it reading a good book? Is it waking up without an alarm? What is it about taking time off when you have in the past, either one day or extended, that actually you really enjoy?
When you answer all those questions that brings up what else is intrinsically motivating. Yes, the unconscious beliefs that rest is earned and all of that is a motivator. Those beliefs, although unhelpful, motivate us. But the beliefs around what you actually enjoy, family time, trying new food, all of that is also motivating. You’re just choosing not to lean into that side of it. And you can and you can leverage that. It doesn’t mean your thought patterns are going to change overnight. It is a practice, but you have to do it intentionally.
So, for me I love the experience of planning a trip. I actually really love the planning part and envisioning, and doing the research, and feeling excitement before. That’s my jam and I lean into that. I start planning trips really early in advance so when my brain offers me, hey, you’re not going to have enough time, I don’t really respond to it because I’m like, but looking at these hotels are so much more fun than thinking about how I don’t have time. I also love being in nature.
I’m currently enjoying having more ‘luxury’ experiences like going to really nice dinner. I enjoy having time with my partner outside of our city. I enjoy, I really love seeing friends who don’t live in the same place as me or when we go travel to see each other. I love not having a schedule for a day. All of those motivations I come back to, and they drive me, and they help me say yes to rest and taking time off. And it doesn’t mean you have to have a travel vacation.
I love a week off at home and just to plan the day by a whim. I love being at home not working and getting to cook meals that would take a really long time normally that during work I can’t do. I love to check out coffeeshops or museums in my own city I haven’t been to. When you anchor to what you appreciate value, find meaningful, fulfilling, and exciting about taking time off, extended or not, you can use that to redirect your brain. When all it wants to do is show you all the ‘reasons’ you can’t or shouldn’t take time off.
And sometimes your brain will respond with, “Well, maybe we should do that next year and not right now.” I just want you all to know, this is another sneaky way your brain is leaning into toxic productivity culture, and you don’t have to buy that shit. You have to be onto your brain, you all, they have good intentions, they’re trying to keep you alive. But it doesn’t mean their impact is helpful. Humans were not designed or intended to work constantly without breaks, including without extended periods of time off.
Extended periods of time off are not a luxury, they are a necessity. You think they’re a luxury that you can’t afford. And maybe it’s in a financial way but for most of you it’s not. It’s more like the opportunity of time and pleasure, you’re not allowed that in your mind, but that’s not true. And believing that is true is allowing your brain just to put off the concept into some distant future of when you’re in a leadership role, when you make more money, when you’re retired.
Taking time off, particularly extended time off isn’t a ‘treat or nice to have’. It is an important part of being a human and it is a must have for both scientific reasons, how it rejuvenates your brain and body, and prevents illness, and health issues, and all that. And for the simple and very important reason, that you are a human who gets to experience pleasure, who gets to experience relaxation, whose life is intended to include those things. You do not have to earn them or hustle for them, it is a part of human life.
It's not a privilege, it’s a right. And it’s not a right you have to earn, you have it just because you were born. And if none of this is helping you, here is the last thing I want to say. Not one person on their deathbed says, “I wish I wouldn’t have taken so much PTO. I wish I wouldn’t have taken vacation.” You all, no one says that shit. Most people say, “I wish I would have, I wish I would have taken more time off.” Your life was intended to be experienced so much more fully than just sitting at your desk and computer.
And even if it’s not on a tropical beach or exploring a new city, it includes just being at home and relaxing without work, staying in town for a week and not having to think about work. I’m going to leave you with this. I want you to remember the only thing truly preventing you from taking time off, it’s not your boss, it’s not whether or not you have PTO, it’s not how much money you make, it’s not how much work you have. It’s you, and this is not a shame or blame. Because when you accept that it’s you, guess what that means? That you have full control in changing that. That’s amazing.
It's not a bad thing, it’s not a blame or shame, it’s a, oh, fuck, yeah, I can do something about this and choosing to. It’s all in your power, you have the choice. Alright, you all, I want you, before you jump off, think about one colleague who you know struggles with this, who you share this struggle with, not that you’re calling them out, but you share it. You both talk about these challenges, I want you to send them this episode. Share what you learned, what you took away, what challenged you even, send it to them so they can listen.
And you can talk through it together and help each other say yes to more rest. Okay, with that you all, I’m signing off, heading on my vacation, I hope you think about taking one too. Bye everyone.
If you found this episode helpful then you have to check out my coaching program where I provide you individualized support to create a life centered around rest. Head on over to mckoolcoaching.com, that’s M-C-K-O-O-L coaching.com to learn more.
Hello, hello, hello, you all, I’m in such a good mood and you know why? Because I have a vacation starting in two days. My partner and I are going to Mexico for a full week, email off, out of office, going to be in an all-inclusive resort, yes, I know, it’s very touristy. But I just wanted a week of not even having to think of pulling out my credit card to pay for dinner. I wanted the full experience of not having to make a decision. All the decisions are already made. We’re going to just hang out at the resort. There’s so much to do, and just relax.
And some of you may or may not know my partner works in sports. So, he’s working lots of nights and weekends and really doesn’t get a lot of time off. So, we have made a commitment to each other that every year we will go on a weeklong vacation together, just the two of us, no work. And it’s my highlight. I love it. I’m so happy. I’m so excited. I will say leading up to this that has meant my work has shifted quite a bit and it’s been a variety of balls to juggle in the air and things to get done.
So next week’s podcast episode I’m actually going to be sharing some insights from that of how to manage when you just have a lot going on, you have a crazy week, whether you’re going on vacation or you have family in town coinciding with work projects, whatever it may be. We’ve all been there. So, you can stay tuned to that for next week. But I really wanted to talk to you all a bit more about taking time off.
I had a past episode that so many of you found helpful called Vacation Brain about what happens in our mind when we’re actually on vacation. But more, and more, and more I’ve been seeing some clients, some colleagues who aren’t even taking vacation. Now, listen, you all know I do not believe that rest is defined by a certain set of activities. I don’t believe the only way to get rest is to take time off or go on a vacation. I don’t believe you have to go out of the country or to a fancy all inclusive resort to get rest.
But I do think this is important to talk about because for most of you listening, if you work in public health you likely, and if you’re a full-time employee, likely have access to paid time off, now, not everyone of course. But if you do have access to paid time off, which means you can take time off work and still get paid, that is an opportunity to get rest. But so many of you aren’t using that opportunity. And so, we’re going to talk about that today.
And we’re going to talk about in the context of whether you take one day off or a whole week off, you do a staycation or travel, whatever it may be. And I’m not talking about necessarily around a holiday where your office might shut down for a week. I’m talking about you deciding, I’m going to take time off for me. I had so many colleagues of mine who had a full vacation bank, meaning if you are on accrued PTO some companies cap it out. Once you accrue a certain amount of hours or days you can’t accrue any more.
And I had so many colleagues who were at their cap and still weren’t taking days off and literally losing vacation days because they could not accrue any more. There are some folks, some organizations that have a use it or lose it. So, if you don’t take your two weeks for example during the year you just lose that. So many of you are choosing not to take those weeks and just losing them. We’re going to change that today. And then there are some of you who if you do take vacation you believe you can only do it if it’s for a ‘justifiable’ event.
You feel more comfortable requesting time off if you can say, “It’s for my cousin’s wedding or my child’s graduation.” Because in your mind that is justifiable. You won’t get questioned about that. But if you were to just say, “Hey, I’m taking time off”, with no explanation or, “I want to take every Friday off”, with no explanation, with no, “I have childcare issues”, or this or that. Just to take it off you feel uncomfortable about that because you’re worried about what that means about you, what other people will think.
So, everything we’re talking about today applies to whether you’re struggling to take a random Friday off or a whole week off, whether it’s to travel or to not. And then here’s the other thing, some of you, I see you, you take PTO, officially take it but you still work that day, you still work on vacation, you still work even if you’re at home taking PTO. It’s clocked as PTO but you’re still checking email, you’re still doing work. And you’re like, “It’s not a big deal, it’s just a little thing.” No, we’ve got to change that, you all.
So that’s what we’re talking about today, if you are on vacation or about to be, also check out the Vacation Brain episode because that will helpful. So, the first thing people say when I ask them why they haven’t taken vacation is, “I can’t.” And then I ask, “Why can’t you?” And here are the three most common reasons. Most reasons distill into these categories. I don’t have time which can also sound like, I am too busy, it’s too busy of a time, it will burden others.
Or the third one, my favorite, it will just create more stress because I’ll come back from vacation and my work will be piled up, so what’s the point. So, here’s the first thing, stop saying you can’t because that’s a lie. You can, it is a choice and own that. At least be honest and say, “I’m choosing not to”, rather than lie to yourself. Own that it is a choice. Saying I can’t is just a way for you to avoid facing the truth that you are denying yourself rest even if you did not have access to paid time off and taking days off meant not getting paid for those days, it’s still a choice.
I grew up and my dad didn’t have paid time off. He still chose sometimes not to work and just not make that money. I’m not saying you have to choose that, just be honest, it’s a choice. Some people choose to use all of their PTO every year and then even take unpaid time. Some people choose to take PTO for a month straight. Some people choose to take vacation unpaid. Some people choose to use sick time for vacation. It’s all a choice. It’s not that you can’t, it’s that you’re choosing not to.
So, let’s go over your reasons here. You might have one or all three of these reasons that come up in your head. The first being, I’m too busy. Being busy and not having time is a lie. It’s made up. There is no such thing as busy. There’s no objective thing as that. And you have time, time didn’t disappear, didn’t slip through your fingers, no one robbed you of it. You have it, it is yours and you choose how to use it. You choose how to fill your time. You choose how much of it you will use for x, y, and z.
You will choose what not to use it for. It’s all a choice, so don’t lie to yourself about that. The second reason, I will burden others. This, when I coach on this it always boils down to worrying about what other people will think of you and what you’ll make it mean about you, that you’re selfish, that you’re not a team player, that you’re inconsiderate, that you’re rude. Those thoughts in your head about yourself is really what your brain is afraid of and is avoiding when you just tell yourself that you’re going to burden others.
And I know your brain has all the evidence of why truly it would burden others. But that isn’t true. First, most often there is not work that has to truly be done in the week you are gone that cannot be pushed back or paused. And if there is, let’s say you work in a medical center, and you’re working with actual clients, your supervisor, your colleagues also have a choice, if they choose to not cover for you or not take on work, that is their choice. That is not your fault, you are not burdening them, that’s their free choice.
Your brain might want to say, even having to ask them is a burden for them because they’re just going to say yes to be nice and feel obligated. No, stop that. Stop trying to justify this belief by pretending you can read other people’s minds. Even if they felt obligated, even if they said yes just to be nice, that is their choice. It has nothing to do with you. You are not causing them to take that action. You are not causing them to think and feel that way. That is on them, not you. And honestly, nine out of 10 times they don’t.
One of the benefits of the public health workforce is we care so much about each other. Do you know how many times when I saw colleagues say they’re going to take time off and ask for help, most of the people around them were like, “Fuck, yeah, I’m so happy for you. I’m happy to help you.” So, most of the time our brain is lying to us but even if it turns out your supervisor or colleague says no, or they think that it’s burdening them, that is not your problem. You are not causing that, those are optional thoughts they are choosing to have.
And then the third one, I’ll have more work pile up if I take vacation. This means, this tells me that you define the experience of stress, and you think what determines stress is the amount of work or to-do’s you have. And when you define stress this way or you believe this is how stress is created, which side note, it’s not, and then by that definition you will never choose to take time off.
Because when you believe that, the only way to take ‘vacation’ is to magically get work taken off your plate equal to the amount of a one week vacation let’s say, or however much time you want to take off. The stress you experience occurs because of your thinking, not your to-do list. It’s the thoughts about your to-do list that creates stress. Your thoughts about your to-do list or your work is what creates your emotional experience, whether feeling overwhelmed or frustrated. And then that creates the physiological experience of stress.
Your thinking creates your stress, the thoughts you think kick in your stress response. So actually, if you want to reduce your stress allowing yourself to change your thinking will do that, not deciding not to take vacation. And actually, allowing your brain respite and reprieve from all the thoughts you are already thinking right now that creates stress will actually help you do that, it’s the exact opposite of what you believe. When you choose not to take time off that actually increases the experience of stress, not delays it, or avoids it.
And here is really what I believe. For many of us all of these reasons are just a cover for the root beliefs we hold which is that you have to deserve rest and you don’t, you have to earn rest and you haven’t. And that productivity is more important than rest. All of these beliefs are an outcome of toxic capitalism and industrialized thinking really, and also other systems of oppression of course, the patriarchy and white supremacy.
Whereby we believe and have been told that humans should be like machines, particularly some humans more than others based on their identity or whatever society thinks about them. And when you believe this you will always find reasons to deny yourself rest. And the reasons you give just sound more common and acceptable, ways to say, “I think I don’t deserve rest. I don’t think I’ve earned it. I think productivity is more important than rest.” This is why I say burnout is a choice, it’s a prime example.
And when I say choice, I don’t mean, you have absorbed these beliefs. You weren’t born thinking these. We have internalized them. But once you learn about them you can choose to undo that thinking. You are choosing to not take vacation and lying to yourself saying it’s not a choice and saying you can’t. And then you give some seemingly plausible palatable reason that sounds justifiable about denying yourself rest. You tell yourself if your organization hired 10 more people, or doubled your salary, or gave you free lunch, or if you won the lottery then you would be able to take vacation.
I just have to say you all, stop, enough. There are already enough structural barriers to taking rest, do not become one yourself. Did you hear me? Let me repeat that. There are already enough structural barriers to taking rest, do not become one yourself. Stop denying yourself rest. Stop lying to yourself. Decide to take rest even when your brain offers you some bullshit thoughts. Your brain will still have these thoughts. You get to choose not to buy into them. You get to choose not to believe them, not attach to them, not to give in to them.
Anchor yourself to what is meaningful about taking time off or going on vacation for you. What do you enjoy about it? What matters to you? What excites you? You have these reasons already. They are just drowned out by your brain’s nonsense about all the ‘reasons’ you can’t take rest. And listen, we could talk about the science of rest. There is a lot, a lot of science and evidence about the benefits of rest. For example, it shows that long periods off working are actually where you learn and when your brain processes what you’ve been learning and creates the aha moments.
There is a lot of examples of major inventions we use to this day where the inventor thought about it or realized the solution when they weren’t working. We could talk about how if you struggle with sleep, actually there has been some studies that going on vacation and sleeping somewhere else in a different bed on a different schedule can actually be a helpful way to disrupt your unhelpful patterns and sleep better. I can also share about how studies show that spending long periods of time in nature decreases stress hormones and so much more.
But I actually do not find that learning that science helps too much in motivating you to take more rest. And that is because these beliefs, that rest has to be earned, that rest is a reward, that rest is for the deserving. That productivity matters more are so intrinsically ingrained into our brain from our society that we have to work on undoing those first. Before the science of it can really help us in taking rest. So, one of the ways that I find that helpful is to lean into what may be more intrinsically motivating than the science piece itself, even if you’re a science nerd.
And sometimes that is just looking at what matters most to you in life in general. Is it family time? Is it trying new food? Is it learning about new cultures? What are some of the things in life you truly enjoy and wish you had more time for? Is it cooking new recipes that need more time? Is it long road trips that allow you to think? Is it reading a good book? Is it waking up without an alarm? What is it about taking time off when you have in the past, either one day or extended, that actually you really enjoy?
When you answer all those questions that brings up what else is intrinsically motivating. Yes, the unconscious beliefs that rest is earned and all of that is a motivator. Those beliefs, although unhelpful, motivate us. But the beliefs around what you actually enjoy, family time, trying new food, all of that is also motivating. You’re just choosing not to lean into that side of it. And you can and you can leverage that. It doesn’t mean your thought patterns are going to change overnight. It is a practice, but you have to do it intentionally.
So, for me I love the experience of planning a trip. I actually really love the planning part and envisioning, and doing the research, and feeling excitement before. That’s my jam and I lean into that. I start planning trips really early in advance so when my brain offers me, hey, you’re not going to have enough time, I don’t really respond to it because I’m like, but looking at these hotels are so much more fun than thinking about how I don’t have time. I also love being in nature.
I’m currently enjoying having more ‘luxury’ experiences like going to really nice dinner. I enjoy having time with my partner outside of our city. I enjoy, I really love seeing friends who don’t live in the same place as me or when we go travel to see each other. I love not having a schedule for a day. All of those motivations I come back to, and they drive me, and they help me say yes to rest and taking time off. And it doesn’t mean you have to have a travel vacation.
I love a week off at home and just to plan the day by a whim. I love being at home not working and getting to cook meals that would take a really long time normally that during work I can’t do. I love to check out coffeeshops or museums in my own city I haven’t been to. When you anchor to what you appreciate value, find meaningful, fulfilling, and exciting about taking time off, extended or not, you can use that to redirect your brain. When all it wants to do is show you all the ‘reasons’ you can’t or shouldn’t take time off.
And sometimes your brain will respond with, “Well, maybe we should do that next year and not right now.” I just want you all to know, this is another sneaky way your brain is leaning into toxic productivity culture, and you don’t have to buy that shit. You have to be onto your brain, you all, they have good intentions, they’re trying to keep you alive. But it doesn’t mean their impact is helpful. Humans were not designed or intended to work constantly without breaks, including without extended periods of time off.
Extended periods of time off are not a luxury, they are a necessity. You think they’re a luxury that you can’t afford. And maybe it’s in a financial way but for most of you it’s not. It’s more like the opportunity of time and pleasure, you’re not allowed that in your mind, but that’s not true. And believing that is true is allowing your brain just to put off the concept into some distant future of when you’re in a leadership role, when you make more money, when you’re retired.
Taking time off, particularly extended time off isn’t a ‘treat or nice to have’. It is an important part of being a human and it is a must have for both scientific reasons, how it rejuvenates your brain and body, and prevents illness, and health issues, and all that. And for the simple and very important reason, that you are a human who gets to experience pleasure, who gets to experience relaxation, whose life is intended to include those things. You do not have to earn them or hustle for them, it is a part of human life.
It's not a privilege, it’s a right. And it’s not a right you have to earn, you have it just because you were born. And if none of this is helping you, here is the last thing I want to say. Not one person on their deathbed says, “I wish I wouldn’t have taken so much PTO. I wish I wouldn’t have taken vacation.” You all, no one says that shit. Most people say, “I wish I would have, I wish I would have taken more time off.” Your life was intended to be experienced so much more fully than just sitting at your desk and computer.
And even if it’s not on a tropical beach or exploring a new city, it includes just being at home and relaxing without work, staying in town for a week and not having to think about work. I’m going to leave you with this. I want you to remember the only thing truly preventing you from taking time off, it’s not your boss, it’s not whether or not you have PTO, it’s not how much money you make, it’s not how much work you have. It’s you, and this is not a shame or blame. Because when you accept that it’s you, guess what that means? That you have full control in changing that. That’s amazing.
It's not a bad thing, it’s not a blame or shame, it’s a, oh, fuck, yeah, I can do something about this and choosing to. It’s all in your power, you have the choice. Alright, you all, I want you, before you jump off, think about one colleague who you know struggles with this, who you share this struggle with, not that you’re calling them out, but you share it. You both talk about these challenges, I want you to send them this episode. Share what you learned, what you took away, what challenged you even, send it to them so they can listen.
And you can talk through it together and help each other say yes to more rest. Okay, with that you all, I’m signing off, heading on my vacation, I hope you think about taking one too. Bye everyone.
If you found this episode helpful then you have to check out my coaching program where I provide you individualized support to create a life centered around rest. Head on over to mckoolcoaching.com, that’s M-C-K-O-O-L coaching.com to learn more.
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